The Reader
by Frodo'sPen
Summary: A young woman is transported to the world of Harry Potter and back to 1976. She remembers the books in detail, but is under a charm that prevents her from revealing or changing anything. Sirius/OC. Full summary inside.
1. Prologue

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: The mere fact that this was "published" on a fanfiction website should attest to it's not being mine.

**Rating**: T.

**Summary**: A young woman is somehow sucked into the world of Harry Potter, circa 1976. She retains all her memories about the books, in vivid detail, but finds herself under the effects of a charm that prevents her from either warning anyone or changing anything. Just like an ordinary reader, she is helpless as events unfold.

As she finds herself at the heart of two wars, her endurance will be tested again and again. Can she bear it when she falls in love with a man destined to die?

**Prologue**

I let out a very audible sigh. He was watching me intently, gauging my reaction. What did he expect? Surprise? I was getting tired of faking that.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, you were right."

Git. Of course I was right. I _knew_ everything, didn't I? Not that he could understand that, or that I could even say it aloud. All the same, I had to bite my lip to keep from scowling at him. The near-thirteen year gap – a space during which I had been on autopilot, going about day-to-day necessities that somehow didn't seem so necessary, waiting– had been the closest to peace I'd felt since my incarceration in a world I didn't belong in. And now that peace was ended for good...I'd never felt so alive.

"Kara...Kara do you hear me?"

I turned to look at him. My oldest friend in this place. Who was I kidding? My oldest friend _period_. My life before Hogwarts didn't count anymore. His brow was furrowed. Perhaps he was trying to figure out if I was angry with him. I wasn't. How could I be? He was always there, always ready to catch me if I stumbled, figuratively or drunkenly. He was the only person who'd never left me.

Poor Remus. I hadn't been as good a friend to him.

I drew a deep breath. "Yes, Remus. I heard you. Sirius is innocent. You believe it now."

He nodded, looking relieved. "I should have believed it from the start."

I frowned at him. "I doubt he blames you."

He shook his head. "No. No, he doesn't."

I thought for a moment. There was a terribly inappropriate question I wanted to ask. One I wasn't even sure I _could_.

"Do you know where...?" To my genuine surprise, it took little effort. Perhaps because of his answer.

"No."

I sighed again, stood, and walked across our small living room to the balcony. We kept it open as long as the weather was tolerable. Both of us preferred the open air. Rain or shine, the double glass doors were swung wide.

I stood just halfway between the doors and the railing. I closed my eyes, inhaled the London night.

Out there, somewhere, was a man I loved more deeply than I could bear to think about. A man who was now on the run.


	2. Transcendental

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, or anything else I may reference.

**Part One: Eros**

Chapter 1: Transcendental

Who am I? I'm Spiderman.

Just kidding. Yes, I know that was cheesy, but if I opened up with, "Hey, my name is...blah blah blah, and this is my story, insert interesting events here," how cliche would that be?

Besides, I've come to the conclusion that who I was before doesn't really matter anymore. All that matters came after.

After what?

Well, after waking up in Headmaster Albus Dumbledore's office, in the year 1976, after going to sleep in my bed somewhere in Upstate New York, 2008.

Freaky dream, right? Dorothy-like. I almost broke out in a chorus of "we're off to see the wizard," but that didn't seem appropriate.

It probably took me about six months to believe it was real. Before that I was just playing along.

He asked me all the usual questions, and, to my surprise, I found I couldn't answer them. Well, most of them, anyway. I somehow managed to communicate to him where I was from, that as far as I knew, _here_ wasn't supposed to exist, and that I knew a great deal more about him than was strictly advisable.

"Tell me something, then," he said, when he understood.

You know when you open your mouth to speak, and no sound comes out? Or when, for some reason or other, you tell some extremity to move, and it doesn't obey? Or you try to wiggle your ears, but you just don't have that gene?

None of that really accurately describes this paralysis.

I couldn't. I simply_ couldn't_ say anything. It was an ability I just didn't have.

That felt odd, because I can speak perfectly fine.

I mean, when I'm not nervous and stammering, or trying to explain something when I really have no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

I couldn't even open my mouth to exhale the air that would ordinarily flow through my vocal chords to form sounds that would then pass through my carefully shaped lips to create syllables that somehow, strung together, added up to something more meaningful than grunting and pointing.

Actually, I couldn't even have grunted and pointed this information.

I just couldn't.

Apparently my eyes expressed enough of my frustration that Dumbledore caught on.

He sat back in his chair, satisfied. "Interesting."

"What do you mean?" I managed to say.

"You appear to be under some sort of charm, the origin or extent of which I cannot guess, but it prevents you from affecting the future," he informed me.

It irked me that he knew more about my condition than I did, when, technically, we should have both have been new to this.

"But how...?" I started to say.

He folded his hands together. "You think I should know? I am simply telling you what I have observed. You have obviously been placed here purposefully, and with careful measures taken, or you could not have arrived at all."

"I'm rather inclined to think I ate something funny at dinner, and this is all just a very annoying dream," I muttered.

He chuckled. "I think not. Any other theories?"

"God has an interesting sense of humor?"

His smile broadened. "If that be the case, then you should not fear. I believe any preacher would tell you it means you are here for a reason."

"I hate it when people say that," I said grumpily.

His eyes twinkled, as it has been mentioned so many times that they do. Truth is, there is no other way to describe it, but, as I said, it has been over-played, so I shall try to refrain from speaking of it often myself.

"Well, your mysterious arrival aside, we have other business to discuss," Dumbledore said.

"Such as?" I suppose I wasn't very respectful. But really, should one be respectful to their dreams?

Not that it was a dream, but I didn't know that then.

"Such as what I'm going to do with you."

"Oh." I was suddenly apprehensive. Would he deem me a security risk? Would he lock me away for the rest of my dream-existence? How much dream time would that take? How much _real_ time would it take?

"Don't worry," he said with a broad smile. "I'm not going to hide you from the world."

If he could read minds, what was the point of the charm?

He studied me for a moment. "You are magical, yes?"

_Say what?_

"Uh...no, but then again, I didn't believe in magic until about forty minutes ago. I still don't...not really."

Gently, he held out his wand to me. The Elder Wand. I gulped, then raised an eyebrow at him.

"Go ahead," he said, but added when my hand closed around the slender stick, "but I will be wanting it back."

It was smooth and felt good in my hand.

He stood up, crossed the room, and removed an object from a cupboard. When he turned back to face me, I saw that it was a feather. He set it down on the desk in front of me.

_Swish and flick_, I thought.

Swish and flick, I did, thinking the words, not saying them aloud. To my utter astonishment, the feather lifted.

First try too.

_Take that, Hermione!_

I looked up at him in amazement.

"It seems you have at least some idea what you're doing," he said, smiling down at me. That smile, the kind that reaches into the eyes, and you _know_ comes from the heart, nearly made me feel at home right then and there.

Nearly.

"I'll have Ollivander come here tomorrow, to see if we can't get you a wand," he said, retrieving his own. "I'm guessing you could probably start with those children that are your age, and not be placed with the first years. You will learn fast, I have no doubt. No doubt. And the teachers and likely the other students will help you."

"Just tell them all I'm a stupid American," I mumbled. "They'll believe that story."

"Probably," he chuckled. "How old are you?"

"Sixteen," I said, without thinking. Then I frowned. I was _not_ sixteen. At least, I wasn't when I left home. Could that really have changed too?

"I thought so," he said. "Can you give me a name? It needn't be your real name. I doubt you will be able to tell me that. Just give me one you will feel comfortable going by. Something you know you will answer to."

He was right. I couldn't tell him my real name. I really tried. Like his future prospects, the thought was lost before I could connect it to my windpipe. I picked the next best thing.

"Kara Thrace," I told him, smiling to myself at the joke. My nickname in highschool was Starbuck. My best friend had started it, and it sort of caught on.

"Very well, Miss Thrace," he said. "One last bit of business, then."

He moved across the room again. He had a very graceful walk, almost a glide, but with a touch of up-and-down to it, just enough to let you know he was human. From a stand he retrieved a very battered-looking hat.

The Sorting Hat. My eyes widened.

"You know what this is?"

I nodded, unable to speak. My stomach was knotting. I wasn't sure why, as there was no one there to witness my humiliation.

What was there to be humiliated about? It was a _hat_, for crying out loud, and not a very formidable one at that.

Um, hello, that hat could see into your _soul_.

He placed it on my head, and it was so large it flopped down over my face.

I wondered it if ever got annoyed at being breathed on.

The hat laughed.

"I do," it said.

_Um..._

"Ever wonder why I barely touch some heads?" it said. "I'd rather keep contact with certain individuals to a minimum, thank you."

_I thought you just knew that quickly where they belonged?_

"Sometimes," the hat said, "that is true. And I would never shirk my duties for personal comfort. But sometimes..." It shuddered on my head. I laughed. Despite my nervousness, I rather liked the hat.

"So where shall I put you?"

_You're not seriously leaving this up to me?_

"Not really, no. Slytherin is out, Ravenclaw also.

_Duh. Too anti-prejudice. Too stupid._

"Exactly."

_Thanks._

"Anytime. Now, Gryffindor or Hufflepuff? Which shall it be?"

_I should think it would be obvious._

"Should you?"

_Yes, Hufflepuff. Isn't that where all the rejects go?_

"That's not a very nice thing to say."

_I didn't say it. I_ thought_ it._

"Well, well. Maybe you belong in Ravenclaw after all."

I scowled. _I just meant that Hufflepuff will take anyone, without requirement. I don't belong in any of the houses._

"Why not Gryffindor?"

_Hello? I'm not brave._

"Yes, you are. Braver than you think. And you'll need still more courage as you go on."

_That sounds promising._

"It is, actually, and now that we've gotten that out of the way...

"GRYFFINDOR!"

_Wait! What?_

But it was too late. That hat was off my head, and Dumbledore was smiling down at me.

"I suppose I should send for Professor McGonagall."


	3. The Wolf Without A Moon

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, or anything else I may reference.

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 2: The Wolf Without a Moon

I have gift. It's called invisibility. If I stand very still, and no one mentions that I'm there, I can get by relatively unnoticed.

This came in handy those first few weeks, which were sometime in late November. I mean, obviously, I spoke to the teachers, and even a little to my dorm mates, but overall I managed to keep up a policy of strict reclusiveness.

Ollivander came, bringing with him a small selection of wands, but in the end he made one from scratch, just for me. It only took a couple of days.

The professors were all very curious about my origins, as were a few of the students, at first. But when both Dumbledore and I made it clear that my story wasn't for the hearing, they backed off. Dumbledore told everyone I was a transfer from America, and was here because of something to do with the war. It was vague, but sometimes people like it when you leave things up to their imaginations.

It sounds strange, but Lily was actually the nicest at first. She was a prefect, so I suppose she felt it was her duty to make me feel at home, but we didn't really click, you know?

Maybe it was because I was still resisting the idea that anything could make me feel at home at Hogwarts.

I didn't belong there. I felt uncomfortable, as though the very walls of the school were trying to shake me. Ordinarily, I would have tried to at least make some conversation with my fellow classmates. Just polite stuff, you know? But I didn't. I drew deeper and deeper into myself, grateful for the only small blessing Providence had decided to provide me with.

This was my backpack, on its own an unremarkable and easily duplicated object, but it was filled with many of my favorite books. Books_ I _hadn't put there

And I certainly hadn't latched onto it in my sleep before I was whisked off to Neverland.

Never as in it Never should have existed.

Now, I can't pretend I didn't notice them. I mean, come on. They were the life of the school. It would be like reading through the books and skipping all the parts about Fred and George. Simply impossible. But I didn't approach them. And they certainly didn't approach me.

I doubt they knew I existed. The Marauders lived in their own little world.

James looked like Daniel Radcliffe. Only he had hazel eyes, and I'm pretty sure he could really cry if he wanted to.

Remus had a bit of a young David Thewlis demeanor, and some of the same coloring, but the resemblance ended there.

Peter I tried not to look at.

Now, the books tell you that Sirius was good-looking. Handsome, even. But nothing, no description, could have prepared me for the real thing.

The truth is, Sirius Black is_ fantastic._ He's the kind of good-looking you don't really believe, because it's both rugged and composed at the same time. There's this bad-boy look to him, but also an indescribable elegance. And he had flair. Not the fruity kind. The effortless-drawing-attention-to-himself kind.

I picked up on all of this within about ten minutes of observing them unnoticed in the common room one night, and after that I ignored them.

Ignored Sirius? you say.

Sorry, but depression won out over lust.

And I was completely on my own.

Other than that, I was doing well. Dumbledore had gotten me some money and authorized a shopping trip to London, which I was allowed to attempt without escort. I guess he realized I was used to taking care of myself. I bought both school and Muggle clothes, got my books and supplies, picked up my wand, and even stopped at a Muggle bookstore to pick up a few things that hadn't made it into my backpack. This made me somewhat happy.

And I was doing well in classes. I didn't have any trouble with the lessons. Some things took me a few tries, but I could figure it out.

The only trouble I had at all was in Transfiguration. And that is how everything changed.

It was a typical Transfiguration class on a typical day.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

McGonagall taught the lesson. We all attempted it. Some of us succeeded.

We had Transfiguration with the Slytherins.

Which meant the Marauders and Snape were in the same class.

Which meant that as soon as the Marauders had inevitably figured out how to perform the spell flawlessly before anyone else, (that whole Animagi thing really gave them an unfair advantage), they turned to their favorite source of entertainment: tormenting Snape.

However, two things were different on that particular day.

The first occurred at the beginning of class.

I usually get to class early. (I walk fast.) That day was no exception. Whichever unfortunate person arrives last to class usually gets the seat next to me. For some incomprehensible reason, that day that person happened to be Remus.

He smiled down at me softly as he slid into his seat. McGonagall hadn't started the lesson yet, so once he had gotten out his things, he turned to me.

I had been _trying_ to ignore him.

"I don't think we've actually met," he said. "I'm Remus Lupin."

"Kara Thrace," I told him.

That was the end of our conversation, but it shook me that it had taken place. I forced myself to concentrate on the lesson.

Which became impossible when Sirius and James decided to pull off their prank of the week.

Which brings me to difference number two: McGonagall had had enough.

"THAT"S IT!" she shouted, and the class went still. "Black! Potter! Snape! Lupin! Thrace!" I jumped when she said my name. "See me after class!"

I started shaking. What had I done? She couldn't possibly think I'd had anything to do with it? I was just an innocent bystander. Bysitter, really. I hadn't even been standing!

I was lost after that, as was most of the class. It was a disaster of a lesson. Then, when it was finally over, my doom was further put off by a fight that broke out down the hall. McGonagall was forced to leave to see to it. She slammed the classroom door on her way out.

I turned anxiously to Remus. "What did we do?" I asked.

"I'm guilty by association," he said. "I have no idea what you did."

In the row behind us, Sirius and James were smirking at Snape, who was remarkably composed.

"So arrogant, Potter," he sneered. "Even in the grasp of authority."

James grinned. "What's a detention or two?"

"You need to be taught a lesson," said Snape. There was something in his voice. Something that made the hair on the back on my neck rise. I wondered if I should warn them. He was calm for a_ reason_. It was the sort of calm that comes from the making of a long put-off decision.

"And I suppose you're the one to do it?" asked Sirius in a bored voice.

Snape smiled. It wasn't pleasant. Then, astonishingly, he turned to me.

"Aren't you frightened?" he asked, evil smile widening.

"Frightened?" I said, stunned.

"I would be if I was sitting next to a werewolf."

It was like the room imploded on itself, the tension level rose so fast. I heard Sirius hiss behind me, felt Remus stiffen at my side, and heard the scrape of a chair as someone stood up slowly. A fight was about to ensue.

I was way ahead of them.

I raised an eyebrow at Snape, whose eyes had never left my face. Then, I leaned to the left, craning my neck to see out the window. It was a perfectly cloudless day, and I took a moment to soak that in.

Then I straightened up in my desk and turned back to Snape, meeting his now confused expression without a trace of fear.

"Sorry, don't see it," I said.

His brow furrowed. "See what?"

"The full moon," I said, indicating the window. Then I let my eyes widen a little dramatically. "Unless of course you expect me to be afraid of him the three hundred and forty-four days out of the year he's _not_ dangerous."

He was silent.

"I can see that you do. Well, that sounds rather cowardly to me. I'm in Gryffindor, you see, so I don't really have that problem. _You_ on the other hand, well, I guess I can't really speak for you."

Then I set about the task of putting away my books and parchment. I took my time about this, placing each item in my bag one at a time. No one spoke. McGonagall came back just as I finished.

"Thrace," she said, reaching the front of the room and turning to face us. "I asked you to stay because I think it's best if you spend some time outside of class on your Transfiguration work."

Behind me, Sirius sniggered.

McGonagall glared at him before continuing. "I understand you're a little behind. The standards at your old school were obviously lax. But it's nothing beyond your ability to comprehend. I was hoping Mr. Lupin would be willing to tutor you. Would that be acceptable?"

I nodded. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Remus do the same.

"Very well. You may both go."

We left the room together, walking quietly until we were a little ways down the hall. Then Remus stopped, one hand on my elbow.

I stopped as well and turned to face him. His gaze was intense.

"If...if you don't want me to tutor you...I'll understand," he said. His voice was very quiet, very serious. He was trying to brace himself. "I mean, if you're uncomfortable around me, or..."

I cut him off. "What? Of course I'm not uncomfortable! If you don't want to tutor me, or you're too busy, that's fine. I'll just tell McGonagall..."

His turn to interrupt. "That's not what I meant." His eyes were pleading now. He didn't want to say it out loud.

I sighed. "Look, I'm not afraid of you, alright? Granted, I'd rather save our study sessions for nights when the sun's primary reflector looks more like a toenail than an orb, but I'm not gonna evaporate from being in your presence."

He smiled weakly. "Thank you."

"For what? Being a decent human being? I'll thank _you_ to expect better of me than Snape from now on."

He laughed then. "I get used to...not expecting a good reaction."

"Well, don't judge people before you get to know them."

"Which I guess I'll get to do at these Transfiguration lessons?"

I grimaced. "I really am horrid at it."

"You're not horrid," he told me. "It's like you're trying to catch up too fast. You don't really give yourself time to grasp the concepts."

I thought about this, then shrugged. "I suppose you're right. Will you help me, Professor?"

He laughed. "Only if you promise not to call me 'Professor' again."

"Deal."

We set about working out a time to meet regularly. Tuesday and Thursday nights seemed to work best for both of us. Just as we were finalizing our plans, the door to the Transfiguration classroom burst open, and I realized we hadn't moved.

James and Sirius came charging toward us, and I saw Snape slip off in the opposite direction.

"Moony! Wait!"James called.

"Moony?" I mouthed to Remus as they approached. He smiled. "How tactful," I said aloud.

I turned to go, but was stopped as hands seized my arms, forcing me around. James held me on one side and Sirius on the other, and they were both watching me intently.

"You won't tell?" James asked finally.

Instead of answering the question, I turned back to Remus. "Are they stupid?" I asked him.

"Sometimes," he answered, smirking.

Sirius scowled. "We need to know."

I made sure to make eye contact with him, so he knew without any doubt I was telling the truth. "I won't tell," I said.

They released me, satisfied.

James whistled. "That was brilliant, back there, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "He was being a git."

_Git? Great, I'm starting to sound English. Probably poser-English at that._

James grinned. "Yeah, but you really took him down."

Sirius was shaking his head. "I can't believe he tried to do that."

"Yeah, but I doubt he'll try it again," said James, "after that reaction."

I offered him a smile before returning my attention to Remus. "Will you be safe if I leave you with Mum and Dad?"

He laughed again. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Tomorrow night, then."


	4. Lessons

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 3: Lessons

So here's a general outline of my schedule.

On Mondays I had Ancient Runes (my favorite class), Charms, Potions, and Transfiguration. The same for Wednesdays and Fridays except no Potions.

Tuesdays and Thursdays I have Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology in the morning, then Defense Against the Dark Arts (my second favorite) in the afternoon. Then, of course, I had my newly established Transfiguration tutoring sessions with Remus.

I was early for my first one. The time we had set was eight o'clock, but the common room was particularly noisy that evening, and I didn't feel like holing up in my dorm room, so I grabbed a book and slipped off early.

We were meeting in an unused classroom. I settled myself in a wide windowsill, lighting one candle beside me, and cracked open _Sunshine_.

I was completely absorbed by the time Remus arrived, a respectable five minutes before our agreed upon time. I was quite proud of myself, actually. If I kept this up, I would be able to successfully shut myself off from the world, live in my own little bubble. Then I wouldn't have to face any of the impossibility of it all.

I closed the book and jumped off the windowsill, ready to give Remus my full attention.

He smiled at me. "What is it?" he asked, indicating the book.

"_Sunshine_," I answered.

He frowned. "I've never heard of it."

"Muggle literature," I explained.

His eyebrows raised in interest. "Really? My mum used to read me Muggle books. You know, _Chronicles of Narnia_, _Princess and the Goblin_. She thought it was funny how Muggles never really understood anything about magic."

I frowned down at the volume in my hands. "I think their ideas are interesting."

"No, no! I agree!" he said hurriedly. "I miss those books."

I smiled. "This is perhaps a little more adult, but I was also raised on Lewis and MacDonald."

He seemed to relax, satisfied that he hadn't offended me. "What's that one about?"

"Vampires," I told him, feeling silly.

He grinned. "Alright then."

There was a quiet, awkward moment, where I wondered if my only form of comfort and entertainment wasn't going to offend everyone and put up permanent walls between me and my environment.

Then I realized that was the point. I wasn't_ trying _to make friends, was I?

"How about that Transfiguration?" I said, steering us back to our task.

It went on just like that for a few weeks. We would meet, every Tuesday and Thursday. I continued to arrive before him, always willing to escape the suffocating atmosphere of the common room. I always had a book with me, and he always asked about it politely.

"Have you ever heard of _The Lord of the Rings_?" he asked one day, after I had successfully mastered the spell we were working on.

I gaped at him for a moment. "Of course!" I recovered. "My absolute favorite books ever!"

He laughed gently at my enthusiasm. I wondered why he laughed so much when I was around. Was I really that funny?

_Nope, probably just ridiculous_, I told myself. _Honestly, you're a bumbling idiot._

"Well, I had heard of them, and that they were good," he went on. "I always wanted to read them, but never got the chance."

"I have them upstairs in my dorm," I said, "if you'd like to borrow them sometime."

"Really?" he said, appearing a little excited. "Would you mind?"

"Not at all. As long as you return it. I have a thing about people not returning my stuff when I loan it to them." I frowned to myself, remembering past experiences involving gaps on my DVD shelf for a year.

This also seemed to amuse him. "I promise to return it. And if I don't, you know where I live."

"True."

We walked back to the common room together, chatting softly. When were arrived, it had basically cleared out, save for the other Marauders, who were clustered around the fire, and a few scattered lower years.

I scampered up the stairs to the girls dorm, threw my books down on my bed, and began combing through my trunk. I emerged with my battered copy of _The Hobbit_ and ran back down the stairs.

Remus was seated comfortably with his friends, laughing at something James was saying. I felt a twinge of nervousness as I approached them. It seemed awfully presumptuous. But I kept my gaze on Remus, determined to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Oh, you got it?" he said when he noticed me.

I nodded. "The first volume, or prequel, rather."

"I'll have it back to you by the end of the week," he assured me as I handed it to him. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see James and Sirius watching the scene with amusement and a hint of surprise.

"If not I'll just find some very creative manner in which to murder you," I said, smiling.

He returned the smile.

"Goodnight, Remus."

"Goodnight Kara."

I nodded to the others as I left. It took me a while to get to sleep that night.

Remus didn't show up for our next tutoring session.

If I'd been keeping track, I wouldn't have been surprised. Lunar cycles have never been at the top of my list of priorities.

Okay, that's not true. I still would have been surprised. But that's more because when Remus didn't show, _Sirius_ did.

It was a probably a good few minutes before I noticed him standing there. I turned a page, idly glancing up at the clock to see how much longer I had, when I saw him, grinning down at me.

I jumped, no,_ flew_ out of the window seat.

He laughed heartily as I clutched at my racing heart.

"Easy there, love."

I glared at him, concentrating on taking deep breaths. When I was calmer, I raised a questioning eyebrow.

He grew suddenly serious. "Remus isn't feeling well today. He's still recovering from last night."

_Oh. I'm a moron._

I nodded at him to show my understanding, then began to gather my things.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I was halfway to the door, but I turned around to face him. "Um...good question. Probably the library to study."

"Why?"

"Because I have to learn this stuff?" I offered. What was he getting at?

"Yeah, but McGonagall wanted you to get help for a reason," he said, moving to sit casually on the edge of a desk.

"You just said..."

"That Remus can't make it, I know. That's why I'm here."

Again, I raised an eyebrow. He laughed.

"Come on, love," he said, waving me over. "I don't bite."

I obeyed, setting my bag down on the desk next to his. Some part of my brain, the part that had been so locked into my book when he had entered the room, was screaming at me to turn and run. I told it to shut up.

"Now, what are you working on right now?" he asked me. I told him.

"Hmm, that shouldn't be too difficult."

I studied him skeptically for a minute. A little voice was whispering into the hollow corners of my mind, the corners I had cleaned out and locked since coming to Hogwarts.

_This is Sirius Black_...it said.

_I know_, I told it.

"Something wrong?" Sirius asked me.

"You're going to make fun of me, aren't you?" I said.

"Most likely, yes," he admitted with a grin. "But you're tough. You can take it."

"Hah," I said, and we set to work. He wasn't too mean, and, truthfully, I couldn't really blame him. He was just so much_ better_ at this than anyone else. I wondered what it was like to be that good at something.

When we had finished packing up, and were on our way back to the common room, I carefully asked a question that had been bothering me the entire evening.

"Is Remus alright?"

He stopped walking, searched my face for a moment. We were pretty close, and I could feel the proximity in the little catches it was causing in my breath. Whether it was the intensity of his gaze, or just that he smelled good, I couldn't tell.

He really did smell good. I feel the need to emphasize this point.

"Sirius?" I asked again when he didn't answer me.

He hesitated.

"Tell me the truth," I added.

"He...can hurt himself pretty badly sometimes," he told me reluctantly. "This was one of those times."

My concern must have shown on my face, for he hastily went on. "He'll be fine though. He always is, and Madame Pomfrey will take good care of him."

I gave him a weak smile, and we continued on to Gryffindor Tower in silence.


	5. Reaching Out

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 4: Reaching Out

Remus was back on Thursday, and impressed that Sirius had actually managed to teach me something.

"I had my doubts," he said.

Life fell easily back into its routine, with the exception that we planned ahead for the next full moon, which fell on a Thursday. Remus told me I was doing well, and to just take the night off.

This turned out to be a good thing, as Hagrid, who had taken a bit of a liking to me, asked me to tea that night.

I thought about saying no. I thought about the complete absurdity of spending time outside of class with a faculty member. (Obviously in my world, this was a complete no-no.) And then I thought about why he had asked me.

I mean, I hadn't done anything in particular to attract his attention. He had assisted with a few of our Care of Magical Creatures lessons, and I had always been nice to him. It was impossible not to, in my opinion. He was such a large, friendly man, honest and indestructible.

So why the special attention? What had I done to deserve it? I wasn't _that_ friendly.

I was definitely not that friendly.

Maybe he just liked Gryffindors.

Anyway, as the sun was going down, I made my way along the twisting path that led to his hut, breathing in the damp air as I went. I have always loved the rain, but there is nothing like that scent on the air just after it has passed. The feeling that everything has been washed clean. The bigger the storm, the better and cleaner the scent.

Consequently, I was in quite a good mood when I arrived.

Hagrid sure knew how to make a cup of tea. I hate those dainty, nonsensical bits of china that most people use. That is _not_ a cup of tea. I love tea, and to me, to drink it properly, the mug should be big enough you can drown in it.

The mug Hagrid set in front of me was more than satisfactory, and I told him so.

Blushing at the compliment, he sat down across from me with his own mug. He smiled warmly at me, asked how my day had been, how I was adjusting to life at Hogwarts. It was rather like talking to a school guidance counselor, only I could tell his questions came out of genuine concern, not salary-inspired interest.

"What's this all about, Hagrid?" I asked him, tired of his round-about questioning.

His smile was as warming as the tea. "Tha's wha I like abou' ye, Kara," he said. "Ye don' beat aroun' the bush."

"I've never been much for small talk," I said, taking a sip from my mug. "I like to be forthright, and I like it even more when people have the courtesy to do the same."

"Right, I'll git to it, then," he said, sitting up straighter. "I'm worried abou' ye, Kara. Ye've been hidin' away, avoidin' everyone."

I scowled. "Why does it matter?"

"It matters because, whether ye like it er not, this is yer home now," Hagrid said. "Ye hav to except tha, sooner er later. Ye belong 'ere now."

"I'll never belong," I said, surprised by my own openness. I clutched at the mug as if it were a lifeline, a rock in the midst of a storm, my only hope for security and safety. Everything else was swirling around me, but the mug, the mug that held precious comfort and familiarity, was still.

"Ye don' know that till ye try," he insisted. "Kara." He took one of my hands, eclipsing with his own, which was bigger even than my head. I looked up into his eyes, filled with nothing but kindness. "Sooner er later, ye got ta let go."

I took another sip of my tea. It coursed through me, soothing.

"If ye don', ye'll on'y be miserable."

I became aware of a tension in my limbs that I hadn't known was there, but now that I did, I was certain it had been there for some time. Now it pulled even tighter at me, and I began to shake.

"I don't think I can do this."

"'Course ye can," Hagrid said matter-of-factly, as if he knew all about the matter. "Ye jes need ta stop hidin' and let someone in."

"Like _who_?"

"Well, I reckon Remus Lupin don' exac'ly hate ye," he chuckled.

He had no idea of course, how devastating the thought of being friends with Remus was. Though I had no way of telling him, and thus he had no way of finding out, I still _knew_, and that was too much for me.

"I don't think that would be possible," I told Hagrid stiffly.

He sighed. "Alrigh' then, but at least promise me this: come down an' see me more offen."

The invitation was so generous, so warm-hearted, I couldn't possibly refuse. "Every week," I promised.

That seemed to satisfy him for the time being, though I could tell he was still worried. We said goodnight shortly after.

It was maybe ten o'clock, but the moon already high. In the aftermath of the day's rain, the cloud cover had dispersed, and only a few wisps hung here and there. The air was still wet, and I relished in it, taking my time on the way back.

This was a mistake.

I had assumed the boys were smart enough to stay away from the school. It was early enough that someone could still see them. I figured, with my ever-impressive logic, that taking the longer path, skirting alongside the edges of the Forbidden Forest, would still present no chance of running into them.

I was wrong.

It all happened very quickly. There was a low growl. I froze mid-step. A quick glance to my right revealed a mobile shadow that was _not_ imaginary, and there was no doubt in my mind that it was Remus.

This realization led to the next, which was that I was in very deep trouble.

I tried to remember my cabin leader's advice from far-gone summer camp hiking exhibitions. _When approached by a bear, or wolf, or predator of any kind, don't move. Don't let them see you're afraid._

Somehow I thought that bit of advice wouldn't be much help here.

The growling shadow separated from the other shadows, the ones that were actual forest. The moonlight illuminated Remus' form perfectly, accentuating every rippling feature. He was an extraordinary creature.

_Well_, I thought, _if he turns me into a werewolf, Hagrid will get his wish, because we'll be spending a lot more time together_.

_Of course, if he turns me into a werewolf, he'll never forgive himself._

He crouched. I tensed. The fear was radiating off me now, and there was nothing I could do. But just as he looked about to spring, there was a loud bark from behind him.

A shape shot out of the trees at Remus, bowling him over and pining him to the ground with a yelp.

I had no time to process this before a second shape rushed at me. This one changed, mid-rush, and when a moment later I was pressed, violently, against the tree behind me, it was James Potter that stood before me, hand clamped tightly around my mouth, and not the beautiful stag that had been there moments before.

He shielded me completely, so that I couldn't see around him. He held me firmly, but I could still _hear_, and the sounds that filtered through the impenetrable Potter-wall filled my mind with images that were probably far more frightening than what was actually happening.

It was maddening, really.

But the sounds, the growling, the scraping, and the occasional painful whine, eventually faded into the distance. James relaxed against me slightly, but did not let go.

Several agonizing minutes we stayed like that, until the sound of footsteps approached. James turned, releasing me. It was Sirius.

"Peter went with him," he told James. "He'll keep an eye out. One of us should probably go after them, though." He turned his eyes on me, and I shrank back at the anger I saw there. "You go," he told James. "I'll take her."

James nodded and was gone, transforming as he ran. It was...beautiful to watch.

I stared after him. Then strong arms were around me, lifting me up, and I was being bounced about as Sirius carried me back to the castle.

He didn't speak. He hadn't asked for permission to carry me, and after the initial squirm, I gave no resistance. I was perfectly capable of walking. Why he felt the need to carry me, I didn't know.

It would have been annoying under different circumstances.

Sirius didn't put me down until we were inside Gryffindor Tower. Not the common room, mind you, but _really_ inside the tower. All the way up in the boys dormitory.

He dropped me unceremoniously on a bed, then turned to shut the door. When he turned back, I was getting to my feet. He crossed the room and pushed me back down again.

I gave up.

"Why?" he asked. "What could possibly have possessed you to be out there, tonight of all nights?"

"What could possibly have possessed _you_ to be running around so close to the school?" I countered.

"No one is supposed to be out at this hour!" he shouted at me.

"Sirius, you'll wake someone!" I hissed.

He sighed heavily, took the bed next to mine and sat down on the edge, his head in his hands. After a moment he looked up, and the anger I had seen before was replaced with concern.

"Why were you even out there?" he asked again.

I took a deep breath. "I was coming back from Hagrid's," I told him. "If you don't believe me, ask him in the morning. If I had thought for even one minute that Remus would be in the area, I would have stayed away. I'm not stupid. But how was I supposed to know he's allowed to run around the grounds when he's transformed?"

I played this up pretty well, I thought. If I had indeed been ignorant of the Marauder's monthly activities, it would have been a perfectly logical line of thought.

Sirius watched me steadily. I could see my words sinking in.

"Are you alright?" he said finally.

"I'm fine. A bit jumpy, a bit confused, and, to be honest, I feel a bit foolish." He almost smiled at that. "But I'm quite alright. Can I go back to my dorm now?"

"No," he said firmly. "You're staying here tonight, where I can keep an eye on you."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's just a precaution. I want to make sure you don't talk in your sleep and give everything away."

"I do _not_ talk in my sleep."

"I also want to make sure the shock doesn't hit you at some point when no one is around to help."

He had a good point, though I tended to think I could handle that on my own.

"Think you can sleep?" he asked.

"Think you can explain to me the rest of what I just saw out there?" I asked in return.

He sighed. "Last year, James, Peter, and I managed to become Animagi so we would keep Remus company during full moons."

I waited what I gauged must be an appropriate amount of time for this to sink in. Faking surprise has never been one of my strong suits.

"I take it no one else knows about this?"

Sirius shook his head. "No one but us, except for you now."

"I won't tell," I assured him.

"I didn't think you would, not after what you said to Snape about Remus..." He trailed off, laughing softly. "Kara Thrace, you are...unpredictable."

_And you are an open book. Okay, maybe that wasn't funny._

Suddenly I felt inexplicitly weary. I sank back on the mattress, staring at the top of the four-poster.

And then he was sitting next to me, looking down, concerned.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

I nodded. I couldn't speak this close to him for some reason. Again, I felt the proximity like tangible matter.

"Do you think you can sleep now?"

"Yes," I managed to whisper. Then, another thought struck me. "This isn't Peter's bed, is it?"

He chuckled, obviously understanding my discomfort, though for what reason, I can't fathom.

"No, it's James'," he said. "Don't worry. He won't mind."

He got up to go lay down on his own bed, the one next to mine, the one he had previously been sitting on. I shifted so that I was laying lengthwise and curled up into a ball. I fell asleep within seconds.

I awoke to bright sunlight. For a moment, I was overtaken by a wave of panic that we had missed classes. A quick glance at the clock showed me that wasn't so.

Sirius was still asleep. I shook him awake carefully before trudging off to my own dormitory. Lily gave me an odd look as I entered, still in last night's clothes and disheveled. I ignored her, and she didn't ask any questions.

I skipped breakfast to shower. It felt good, made me feel like a person again. When I got down to the common room, Sirius was waiting for me, a cup of tea and some toast in hand.

"Meet me back here after classes," he told me. I nodded, told him thanks for the breakfast, and headed for Ancient Runes.

The morning passed fairly quickly, or maybe it just seemed like it did. I was looking at it all through a hazy sort of bubble. Lily asked me several times during Charms if I was okay.

I had a free period before lunch, and, true to my word, I met Sirius in the common room. He shot a quick look around us, then pulled me back upstairs to the boys dormitory.

"What now?" I asked him.

"Still keeping an eye on you," he answered.

It was starting to get irritating.

"What do you expect, me to starting foaming at the mouth and blabbing all your secrets?" I said harshly. "Where's James?"

"He went to see Remus."

"Can I see him?"

"Not yet."

He ended the discussion by flopping down on his bed and pulling out a textbook. I hadn't really thought that Sirius did homework. Either he was really bored or couldn't put it off any longer. I followed his example, and by lunchtime I had done enough to get me through the weekend.

He accompanied me to lunch, and then we both had Transfiguration. James and Peter were there. I got away without having to sit next to any of them, but as soon as it was over, they followed me back to the common room.

Most of the students were still in classes. Everyone else mercifully ignored us as we trudged up to the dormitory. I didn't have to be told this time.

Once inside, with the door shut, I decided I'd had enough, and let loose on them.

"Hey, Wardens Potter and Black," I said.

That got their attention.

"How much longer is this incarceration going to last? Lily is already under the assumption that I was off doing something extremely iffy last night, and it's only gonna get worse if I keep disappearing up here with you lot."

Sirius groaned. "Who cares what Evans thinks?"

"Well, on top of that I'm tired, I'm frazzled, I sleep much better in my own bed– no offense James– and I would really, _really_ like to see Remus."

"We'll take you to see him later," James said.

"No," I said. "No, I want to go by myself."

"Kara, he's in the hospital wing," Sirius reasoned. "And he's already angry at himself that he could have hurt you."

"Which is exactly why I need to see him on my own terms, sans escort," I said firmly. "I don't want him to think for a minute that you forced me to go see him." Sirius' jaw dropped. James' eyes widened a bit. Peter was shuffling about in the corner somewhere. As usual, I ignored him. "Remus is the closest thing I have to a friend in this place. I owe it to him to go, myself, and tell him I'm not angry, hurt, or put out in any way."

I didn't even wait for them to respond, just spun on my heel and walked out. Walked all the way to the hospital wing, I might add. Past Madame Pomfrey and the other formidable-looking nurse who was working there at the time. They didn't try to stop me.

Remus was one of the few patients there and hidden behind a curtain. He was covered in scratches, but awake. I sat down on a small stool.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," he said back. There was a pause. "Kara, I'm so sorry..."

I fixed him with my steadiest stare, the one that cuts off friends mid-sentence and sends enemies running for cover. "Chill out, Remus, I'm fine. It was stupid of me to be out so late. I should have known. See, I was coming back from Hagrid's..."

"Sirius told me," he interrupted. I wondered when Sirius had gotten the chance to see him, between classes and tailing me all day. He had probably skipped. "But, Kara, that's no excuse for..."

"For what?" I asked. "Tell me, Remus, what have you done that you had control over? How is this in any way your fault?"

He looked down at his hands. "I shouldn't have been out there to begin with."

I sighed loudly. "Well, as that makes two of us, how about we call it no fault? In America, when there's a Muggle car crash, that means it's everybody's fault."

He almost looked amused at that, but he didn't respond.

I sighed again. "Remus, can you please accept that I don't in any way hold you to blame?"

He met my gaze, then nodded after a moment.

"Good." I stood up to go, but paused before moving around the curtain. "If you really feel the need to make it up to me, tell my jailors to back off. I already have a shadow, and I like it just fine, thank you."

He laughed. "I'll tell them."

I didn't give it too much thought, but if I had, I probably would have been convinced that was the end of it. I would have been wrong, however.

In spite of everything, it was one of Remus' easier transformations. He was back in the common room, joking with his friends, later that night. He looked a little pale, but the scratches were less evident. In the dull firelight, you could barely see them.

For some reason Lily had decided to go to bed early that night, so she kicked us all out to turn off the lights. I wasn't quite ready to sleep yet, so I snatched _Tehanu_ out of my trunk and resolved myself to finding a "quiet" corner of the common room.

Remus caught my eye as soon as I exited the stairwell. I smiled at him, happy to see him about, then started to head for an abandoned corner.

To my surprise, he came after me, meeting me when I was halfway there. I stopped to face him, confused.

"Sirius and James told me something," he said.

I waited, not sure what this was about.

"They told me you said I was the closest thing to a friend you have here."

_Damn it. He wasn't supposed to hear about that._

"I had hoped," he continued, "by now at least, after everything, we would have gotten a little beyond that. That maybe you _would_ consider me a friend."

His eyes were gentle, hopeful, but uncertain.

"I...I didn't want to presume.." I started.

He shook his head, smiling now. "You wouldn't have been presuming anything."

I looked at my feet. "I'm not good with new people."

"You've been here almost two months. I'm not new. Kara? I would like to think of you as my friend."

I looked up at him and finally allowed myself to smile. "Fine. Friends."

"Friends," he said happily. "And the others," he glanced briefly over his shoulder, "are willing to give you a try too, if you don't mind."

It was like finally understanding what it is to be one of the pins when the bowling ball scores a strike.

"I...I..." I stammered.

"Will you come sit with us?" Remus asked.

This was it. I was finally being pushed over the edge. No going back now. And Hagrid's advice rang in my ears:

_Ye don' know till ye try._

"Alright," I said, and followed him.

Me? Friends with the Marauders? If this was real, it was getting weirder by the minute.


	6. Proximity Alert

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 5: Proximity Alert

I said earlier that it took me about six months to believe this was all real. That's true, but around the time the Marauders accepted me, I almost stopped caring. I mean, I couldn't help feeling happy, so did it matter whether it was a dream or not?

I convinced myself that, as dreams go, this was a pretty good one. And it was. I was never alone anymore. Every time I turned around it seemed, Remus was there, and he was usually accompanied by one or more of his friends.

This got a bit annoying actually

My friendship with Remus became an anchor of sorts, hooking me into my life at Hogwarts. Before, I had used my books to connect me back to that state I considered "real." Now, I had Remus to constantly remind that, regardless of whether I believed it or not, I was where I was.

And that made me a bit moody at times. I tend to be a bit of a loner, and I wasn't really used to constant company. So, when it all got to be too much, I would secure myself one of my Muggle novels and sneak off to some abandoned corner of the school, where it didn't matter if I was wizard or Muggle or delusional R-wing patient. I was just myself.

The thing about these little excursions was, no matter where I hid myself, Sirius always found me.

I'm not kidding, he always showed up, usually about two hours after I myself had gotten there. I think he probably waited a certain amount of time before coming after me. Anyway, he would, and then he'd settle himself somewhere nearby, maybe with a book of his own, or something else to keep him busy, or sometimes he'd just stare off into space. He wouldn't talk to me. Maybe he sensed that I needed that time to be undisturbed. He wouldn't really _do_ anything that could be considered interaction. But as soon as I was finished, he would get up as well, walk me back to the common room. Once we were there, he was back to being his eccentric self, as though our "quiet time" had never happened.

It wasn't something we really spoke about either, so I never had any idea why he did it. Maybe he still thought I needed keeping an eye on.

Please, I've been able to take care of myself since I was eight.

It irked me at first, but I got used to it, so I didn't mind. It was our little ritual.

Now, with that ritual, as well as with my other associations with the Marauders, came a certain level of difficulty. It was not always_ easy_ to be around them.

Let me explain. In general, every now and then, I was seized by one or two bouts of unpleasantness.

The most common, at this point, was that nagging cognizance that none of this could be real, and the sofa in the common room might just be an extremely comfy bit of squishy white wall. But as I've said, I grew to ignore this.

The other awareness was less easy to shake.

I still knew everything about these people. Well, not everything. I didn't know why Sirius was tailing me on my solitary expeditions, or how exactly James would end up with Lily. But I knew a great deal more than I had any right too.

And every now and then it would hit me like a tidal wave. Sometimes I thought I was going to drown. I mean, I knew how these people were going to _die_.

Do you have any idea how much that sucked?

I hoped– prayed– that I wouldn't be around to see that. Reading it was bad enough.

Then there were the other, smaller problems. Peter...I'm sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to like him. It's not like I could start shouting down the halls that he was a dirty rotten traitor, the charm prevented that, but I didn't make friends with him at all. He didn't seem particularly fond of me either, so in the end we sort of just tuned each other out.

This arrangement didn't escape anyone's notice, although I only got asked about it once.

"You don't really like Peter, do you?"

That was Remus. I winced in response, enough answer for him.

"Why not?"

As I couldn't tell him the truth, I had to try to find some way to describe the feeling of knotted goo in the pit of my stomach. I decided on just saying that.

"I just get a bad feeling about him, ya know? In my gut."

Remus frowned. "I don't understand why."

"I didn't say it was rational." _I didn't say it wasn't_.

"Well, you're the one who said not to judge people before you get to know them."

I nodded. He was right, although he was also wrong. "I know. And I know you know him better than I do, but I can't shake it."

He nodded his understanding, ready to drop the matter. But I had to try one last thing.

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"My gut feelings aren't usually wrong."

I remember Dane Cook talking about how in every group of friends there's always one person that nobody likes. I laughed really hard at the time because I knew exactly who that person was in my group. That was back in high school.

What Dane Cook didn't understand is that no matter how much you might loathe that person's presence, you'll still be ready to die for them if it comes down to it, just because, in practice, they_ are_ your friend.

I guess it was something like that with Peter. He didn't really belong, in my opinion, any more than I did. The others, for some reason that escapes me to this day, seemed to really like him though.

For me, he became that annoying buzzing noise when the radio isn't loud enough to hear, but still not properly turned off.

I hate that noise.

Of all the problems hanging out with the Marauders presented, the one that took the most self control was my reaction to Sirius.

So I've mentioned before that he was hot.

I've also mentioned that when I got close to him, that hotness tended to leave a Sirius-shaped impression upon my consciousness that incapacitated my normally graceful self.

At some point, my awareness of this turned from simple shock into a slightly warmer reaction.

I decided I had a bit of a crush.

As soon as I realized this, I laughed at myself.

Not out loud, because he was right there at the time. But I couldn't hold in a smirk, and Remus noticed, which meant a repeat of the Spanish Inquisition the next time we were alone.

It wasn't so much an inquisition as it was Remus running down a checklist of what he already knew.

"You fancy him, don't you?"

I showed him my face of fury. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not," he laughed. "You fancy him, even if it's just a little bit."

I sighed. "Maybe a little. Who wouldn't? But it's not a big deal."

"It is if he fancies you too."

I stared. "He doesn't."

"Well, no," Remus admitted. "Not that I know of. And anyway, truth be told, he doesn't really take girls seriously."

"No shit."

"One of these days I'll get used to your Muggle expressions."

"Look, Remus, it's not a big deal," I said. "I happen to find him attractive. I can't imagine how any girl within fifty feet of him wouldn't. But I'm not gushing over him, and I have no intention of doing so."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because it'd be like a fawn or something falling in love with a Greek god."

Remus laughed at that. _Really_ laughed. I almost slapped him.

"From now on," he said when he could speak again, "I'm calling you 'Tumnus.'"

I glared at him. "You wouldn't dare."

"Watch me."

He did, too. I wasn't even spared when we were with other people, but he always called me that when we were alone. I don't know why he found my little crush on Sirius so funny.

Okay, yes I do.

Now, I'm one of those people that tends to just deal with things I can't change. So, like with anything else, I adjusted. I adjusted to the notion that, real or not, I was stuck in this world for the time being. I adjusted to the notion that I was semi-omniscient. I adjusted to the notion that semi-omniscient shouldn't even be a term.

I learned to consider my radio-fuzz problem background noise for the time being.

I learned to keep my cool around Sirius, even if that acute sensory reaction to his presence was escalating to the point where, if it kept up, I would inevitably be seized by the irresistible urge to jump him by the end of term.

I was coolness itself. The essence of ease. The paradigm of control.

Until one day at dinner when I had my first breakdown.

We were sitting with Frank and Alice. You know, the Longbottoms, although they weren't married then. They were both a year ahead of us and planning to marry as soon as they graduated. Their engagement had been announced earlier that day, and no one could talk about anything else.

"As _soon_ as you graduate?" Sirius asked them incredulously. "Frankie, what's the rush?"

Frank's face grew very serious. "The war."

I remember Molly Weasley's speech about how everyone had been eloping during the first war. Bill and Fleur's marriage, to me at least, didn't seem so rushed. Maybe that was because I had _real _elopements to compare it to.

Everyone had gone rather quiet at Frank's rationalization, but Sirius apparently couldn't let things stay that way for long.

"Well," he said, raising his glass of pumpkin juice dramatically, "best of luck to you, mate."

"Best of luck," everyone repeated, draining their own glasses.

"Thank you," Frank and Alice said together.

"But really, Sirius," said Alice, "surely if you found someone you truly cared about, you wouldn't hesitate to marry her as quickly as possible."

"Sorry, love, I just can't see it," he told her. "Marriage sounds an awfully unpleasant business to me. Like being locked up."

"It can't be that bad," said James. "If you found the right person..." He was staring woefully at Lily, who was a ways down the table, unaware of our conversation.

"Someday Sirius will understand," said Alice confidently. "Someday he'll meet someone he never wants to be separated from."

"In the mean time, I'll continue to consider spending time with _any_ girl for more than two weeks comparable to being hit relentlessly with the Cruciatus Curse and then being locked up in Azkaban," Sirius assured her.

_Oh my..._

Tidal wave effect. Right there. It hurt. Your lungs _burn_ if you don't get enough air.

My ears were muffled by the racket my heart was making. Or was it just the rise and fall of my mental waves?

I wished, right then, that I would drown.

"Kara? Kara, are you alright?"

Someone was talking to me. I didn't know who. The room was spinning.

_Hah, I always wondered what it'd be like to have a nervous breakdown. If you have one in dream-world, what happens? Bring on the padded walls._

"Kara!"

Sirius had seized my arm. He shook me none-too-gently. My eyes focused on his face, briefly, in the sea of surrounding dream-land. For a moment, locked into his grey eyes, I forgot my troubles.

Then I remembered whose eyes I was looking into and began to shake.

"I...I gotta go..." I muttered. I tore away from him, stumbled out of my seat.

His voice called after me, twisting with the other voices, all concerned. I made it, zombie-like, to the doors of the Great Hall, and then I ran for it.

I tore down the abandoned corridors. I think I knew where I was going, but I couldn't process it.

I skidded to a stop in front the gargoyle.

_Oops._ I didn't know the password.

_Idiot, the headmaster's down at dinner anyway._

I decided to wait for him to come back. I was a little concerned that by the time he did I would have passed out from hyperventilation, but then again maybe that would help my case.

I was too dizzy to pace, so I sank against the wall directly across from the gargoyle. I couldn't take it anymore, and the rational part of my mind was agreeing with the emotional part for once. It wasn't possible I could stay here. Dumbledore would just have to figure out how to send me home.

He wasn't long, actually. Long enough for me to gather my wits enough to take in my surroundings without comparing them to an unfortunate landscape, but he didn't really keep me waiting.

He looked down at me with those impossibly blue eyes.

_They should wait a few years, remake the movies, and have Elijah Wood play him_, I thought.

"Your friends are worried about you, Miss Thrace," he said finally.

I stood up. "I can't be their friend," I stated.

"Why not?" he asked calmly.

I took a deep breath. "Because I don't belong here. Because this shouldn't be happening. Because it's not right, none of it is!"

I nearly lost it again.

He sighed. "Come upstairs, Miss Thrace."

I followed him up to his office. I needed to gather myself, get under control again. I had to be rational about this, or he'd never listen to me.

Dumbledore indicated the seat just in front of his desk, and I sat down gratefully. He didn't sit, however, just stood in front of his desk, looking at me.

"Look," I said after a minute, "I'm really grateful for everything you've done for me, but I don't think this should be happening. It isn't right."

"Hmm. And you define what's right, do you?"

"Well, no, but give me one good reason why this isn't a complete disaster?"

"Because you're here!" Dumbledore said, as if that solved everything. "You wouldn't be here if you weren't supposed to be. Your arrival to this spot was so specific, so unusual, how could it be anything but right?"

"How can you know that? How do you know this wasn't some huge mistake?"

"I suppose I don't."

"Then send me home."

"How?"

"FIND A WAY!" I shouted at him. "Just..._any _way! I can't do this."

His eyes were sad now, pitying.

"I'm not a Gryffindor," I said, the words tumbling out. "I don't belong here."

"There's a handful of worried students downstairs who would beg to differ."

"Well, they're wrong."

"Miss Thrace." Dumbledore seemed to be forming his words carefully. "You _do_ belong here. You've managed to carve out a niche for yourself in a surprisingly short period of time. You have people who care about you. In a month, you'll have learned in one term what it takes most wizards six years to learn. You're more than equipped for this adventure."

"Adventure," I scoffed.

"And," he added, "in any case, I can't send you home."

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because I don't know how, or if it's even possible."

"If it's possible for me to get here, it's possible for me to go back," I reasoned.

"True," he agreed. "But that doesn't mean I can send you there."

I looked up at him, suspicious.

"I'm sorry, Miss Thrace, but it is beyond my power. There is nothing about this in any book, no record of any spell or phenomenon like it. I've looked."

"So what do I do?" I asked mournfully.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think you will ever be going home." He waited for me to process this before going on. "As I've said, you already have people who care about you here. Hold tight to them, and don't worry about the rest."

"It's not that easy," I told him. _It's definitely not that easy. In fact, you have no idea how hard what you're asking me is going to be._

"No, I suppose not." He sighed.

"Sir," I asked after another minute. "What about the holidays?"

"Yes, I had thought of that." His brow furrowed pensively. "Let me worry about that for now. When do you turn seventeen?"

"July twenty-fifth."

"After that, you can do whatever you like, but I will try to make arrangements for the meantime."

I sighed. "Thank you, sir."

"And will you try not to let those things you can't control bother you so much?"

I scowled. "Yes, sir."

"Very good. Goodnight, Miss Thrace."

I was dismissed. There was nothing more for it. I made my grudging way down the stairs. The dizzy-swimming feeling was gone. I just felt slow, lethargic. Physical apathy.

I exited the spinning stairwell to find James waiting. He was leaning on the wall across the hall where I had been sitting before. He straightened as soon as I appeared, and was at my side in seconds.

"Kara?"

I sighed. "I'm alright, James."

"What happened back there?"

We started walking. "I wish I could explain it."

"Did Sirius say something that bothered you?"

I looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you started going all white right after he said that stuff about the Cruciatus Curse and getting married and all that. I thought for a moment you fancied him or something– okay, obviously not." He laughed.

My face must have gotten pale. That was _not_ what I needed right now.

"I didn't really think that for long," he said reassuringly. "You freaked out so badly, I knew it had to be something else."

"It was just...something he said...it reminded me of...James, I can't really talk about this."

To his everlasting credit, James let it go.

"Alright then, but what did you and Dumbledore talk about?"

I closed my eyes for a moment, then opened them before there was any chance of walking into a wall. I was going to have to tell them this much sooner or later.

"I just found out I can't ever go home," I said.

He stared at me. "What? Why?"

I didn't answer.

"Something else you can't tell me?"

I nodded.

"Dumbledore knows, though?"

"He's the one who told me."

"Good enough for me. I'm sorry, Kara."

"Me too."

We were almost at Gryffindor Tower when he was hit with the same realization that had struck me back in Dumbledore's office.

"Hey, wait," he said, grabbing onto my arm. I turned to face him. "What are you going to do for the holidays?"

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know."

He looked thoughtful. "Hm."

"Hm, indeed."

"Well, come on then." And he led the way back "home."

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Good question. I really want to answer it, but I can't without giving anything away. :)

I've been trying not to plug for reviews, but I really want to hear any comments, thoughts, or questions you guys have! I want to know what you think. Thank you all so much for reading, and for all your feedback!


	7. More Than I Deserved

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 6: More Than I Deserved

So I was in it for the long haul. I was just going to have to deal. Come what may, and all that...

Come what _will_, more like. I tried not to think about that.

I didn't stay long in the common room that night, and I wasn't very talkative. I knew James was keeping half an eye on me. When we'd first got back, he'd run off to do something secretive in his dormitory, but it hadn't taken very long.

The next day I still kept pretty much to myself, though I wasn't _physically_ on my own. The Marauders were all watching me very closely. After dinner, when everyone was settling down to homework or mischief or whatever else, I decided I was going to scurry off for a bit. I took _Tehanu_ with me. I needed the comfort of something very familiar.

As I was about to exit the portrait hole, I felt a presence next to me. I looked up. It was Sirius. I figured he was just leaving at the same time I was, so I didn't say anything, but when I started down the hallway toward the Astronomy Tower, he continued to walk by my side.

It was almost the end of May by this time, and the weather had gotten warm enough that I was outside as often as I could be. Though the nights continued to be cooler, I had found the Astronomy Tower to be a good place to read, and Sirius and I had been up there a few times already. It was cool and quiet and offered the most spectacular view of the sunset. I didn't feel the need to look for a new place just yet.

Sirius followed me all the way there. I was in such a lousy mood, his presence didn't effect me like it usually would. I took a seat on a bench that offered a good western view and opened my book. He sat down right next to me.

I couldn't concentrate.

I shut the book on my thumb and looked at him directly. He met my gaze without wavering. It should have been disconcerting, but, once again, my mood didn't allow for me to be any more put out than I already was.

"Why are you here?" I said bluntly.

He looked away, out over the grounds. I waited.

"Today, or in general?"

"Well, you can start with in general, but today must be special, otherwise you wouldn't have followed me directly, just come later, like you usually do."

He shifted in his seat. The bench was set in a nook in the wall, so that the wall itself formed its back and sides. Sirius moved so that he leaned back against the side, feet in front of him on the bench, facing me.

"Well, you sneak away so often, I got the idea after a while that you were trying to sneak away entirely, so I started following you."

_Damn. How did he guess?_

"How does that help?" I asked aloud.

He shrugged. "Well, if I couldn't stop you, at least we'd have some warning. It wouldn't just be _poof_, no more Kara."

"_Poof_, indeed," I said wryly.

"And then since last night we've been thinking if we let you out of our sight for even a minute, you'd disappear."

"Would that really be so bad?"

"No, you're right, I was following you to make sure we got rid of you," he said.

"Hey, I thought I was the one with the sarcasm permit," I said.

"You didn't invent it."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Just read your book, Kara."

I did. For a while, anyway. Then I put it down and watched the sunset with him. Neither of us were in much of a hurry to get back, I suppose.

Twilight hit. We still hadn't moved.

I love twilight. It's an in-between. Kind of like me. Neither in one place, nor the other. Too much light to really be fooled by anything, but too much darkness not to be afraid.

It was right then, up there in the Astronomy Tower, that I had my first believing moment. For a few seconds, I was fully convinced I was at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in the year 1976.

I took a moment to breath it all in. To _believe_.

And then it was gone.

"Do you want to go back?" Sirius said.

_Not really. I want to stay here forever, just like this, with you for company. I don't really miss the life I had. I just feel that it's my life, and it's where I should be._

_Oh, and I don't want to watch you die._

_Yes, I know that's not what you mean._

"No," I said. "But you can go if you like. I'm not going to evaporate."

"That's not quite what I'm worried about at the moment."

I turned to look at him. His face was drawn together, kind of like he was trying to stare me down, but I'm pretty sure he was just trying to figure out what I was thinking.

People talk a lot about Sirius' recklessness, his moodiness, his womanizing. No one ever talks about just how good a friend he was. I mean, as far as friends go, he was really the best you could have. He's the kind of friend who will always come through for you, if it's in their power. And even if it isn't, they'll still plunge ahead until they have nothing more to give.

What had I ever done to deserve someone like that tailing me up to the Astronomy Tower?

"I think I want to go take a walk," I said. "You can come with me if you like, but if you don't, I promise you I will come back."

He grinned. "I think I'll come with, but let's go get the Map and James' Cloak first. Just in case."

I agreed. It would be easier if I dropped my book off first anyway.

We got what we needed, with the added errand of me retrieving _The Return of the King_ for Remus, who was practically jumping out of his chair after finishing _The Two Towers_.

"Have fun, Padfoot, Tumnus!" he called after us from where he was standing by the back of one of the couches.

I turned back at the portrait hole to stalk over and push him over the edge of the couch. He landed in a heap in front of the fire, laughing.

We decided to walk around the lake. It was a good, long path, and there wasn't likely to be anyone nearby. All the time, Sirius checked the Map every so often.

I should probably mention that my name showed up _Kara Thrace _on the map. My first thought was that the Map did lie after all, but that wasn't the case. I think at some point I realized that, in this world at least, I _was_ Kara Thrace. It took me a while to come to this, and it was part of a bigger, more powerful understanding. My old life didn't matter.

That didn't stop Sirius from questioning me about it.

"Tell me about America," he said.

"There's not much to tell," I told him. "We're very...stereotypical. Even the ones that fight against stereotypes are stereotypical of people who fight against stereotypes."

He laughed. "Okay, I think I followed that. What _can_ you tell me?"

"Not much," I admitted.

"Does this have something to do with why you can't go home?" I couldn't see his expression. There was hardly any light, as it was just after the new moon.

"Yup," I told him. "I'm sorry."

"That's alright."

"How'd you and James become friends?" I asked. It was something I'd always been curious about, but hadn't wanted to pry into.

"Like most good things," he said, "it all started with Quidditch."

It was my turn to laugh. "Okay. I don't think I need to know any more."

"Have you ever played?"

"What? Quidditch? I've never even been on a broom!"

Sirius grinned. Not his usual grin, either. This was the grin he wore exclusively when planning some ridiculous and probably risky bit of fun.

"We'll have to fix that then."

"Eh, no."

"Eh, yes."

"I'll just make a fool of myself."

More laughter. _Great._

"I'm counting on it," he said.

"Have some mercy," I said desperately. "Think of your poor broom! It has feelings, you know! Would you really put it through that?"

"Hmm. Good point. We'll use Moony's. It's used to abuse."

I death-glared at him. For a moment, he looked shocked. Then he grinned again.

"Ah, you don't scare me, sorry."

_Don't scare you? Grown men twice my size have run in fear at that look! What makes _you_ immune?_

"What's wrong with Remus' flying, anyway?"

He tried to look innocent. "Nothing."

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever, Padfoot."

"You've never called me 'Padfoot' before," he pointed out.

"Sorry, is that an exclusive Marauder right?"

"No, just no one else has ever bothered."

"I won't do it again."

"No...It has a nice ring when you say it."

"That's just my irritation coming through."

"Am I really bothering you?"

He could sure jump from joking to serious quickly. Or vice versa. Like a conversational ping-pong ball.

"Not at all," I told him honestly.

We had arrived at a favorite tree of mine. I didn't know all the Hogwarts trees that well yet, but this one had such a nice view of the lake, and its branches were perfect for sitting in. I had taken to it pretty quickly.

I didn't try to climb it in the dark, just settled myself in between in its roots. Sirius joined me.

"Feel free to leave at any time," I said.

"Are you telling me to shove off?" he said.

"No, but this has to be boring compared to your usual activities."

He leaned back against the tree, taking a moment to adjust his shoulders to fit its furrows. "You're hardly boring. I like spending time with you."

_He's a good liar_, I thought, but kept it to myself. Anyway, I was grateful for the company.

We didn't really talk much more that night. I think that's one of the things I liked about Sirius. There was no pressure when I was around him. I could be myself, even if that meant ignoring him, but he never seemed to mind.

Like I said, he was the best kind of friend. Even more so to me, perhaps, because he always seemed to know exactly what I needed.

You know who else is a good friend? James. Those two were made for each other. Not in a gay way. Just, meant to be best friends. It was fate.

After everything that had happened, I definitely believed in fate.

But back to the point. Two days later, James really came through for me.

It was breakfast, which I never eat much of. I'm usually too tired. That and my stomach resists food until it absolutely has to have it. Kind of like me and friends at Hogwarts.

The owls arrived, and a particularly graceful one landed in front of James. It wasn't a gorgeous snowy owl like Hedwig, but a big barn owl. It kind of reminded me of Owl from Winnie the Pooh. It looked all wise and knowing.

And it had some of the same coloring as the Sorting Hat, which kind of freaked me out.

James gave the tremendous thing a few treats from his breakfast, and it flew away, probably to get a proper meal at the Owlery before flapping off back wherever it came from.

James had obviously been expecting the letter. He scanned through it quickly, then turned to me with a grin.

"James, it's too early to look that cheerful," Sirius told him.

"Hear, hear," I said grumpily.

James shook his head. "Not with news like this," he pronounced. "Kara, I have a confession to make."

"You enjoy being stabbed with blunt objects, and the reason you're still talking is because you're hoping I'll remove some of your vital organs with my spoon?"

"Nope!" he said cheerfully. "I wrote my parents about you not having anywhere to go over the summer."

I dropped the utensil I had been threatening him with. "You _what_?"

He grinned wider. "Yup. And guess what? You can come stay at my place!"

"WHAT?"

I said this really loudly. People stared, including Lily, who shot James a glare for good measure.

James nodded vigorously. "Yup, I asked them if you could stay, and they said you could."

Keeping my voice down this time, I said, "James, I can't impose on your family like that."

"Why not? Sirius does?"

I raised an eyebrow at Sirius, who was scowling at James.

"Would you like me to move out?" he demanded.

"Not at all," said James. "I want Kara to move in. We'll be a merry lot."

"Bah humbug."

"James," I said again, "I can't just–"

"Yes, you can," he cut me off. "That is, unless you don't want to..."

He looked so dejected at this I couldn't possibly say no. Not that I had actually wanted to.

I sighed. "Okay, but only if you're sure it's alright."

He brightened instantly. "Quite sure, thank you." He turned to Sirius. "We are going to have so much fun this summer."

Sirius seemed to have woken up a bit. "You're right. Maybe we can even get Kara on a broom."

I felt the blood drain from my face.

"What's the matter, Kara?" Remus teased. "Afraid of heights?"

"No," I mumbled. "Just embarrassment."

They all snickered.

"I wouldn't be laughing if I was you, Remus," I said tersely. "Last night, Sirius implied–"

I was cut off by Sirius clamping his hand tightly over my mouth.

"She's just babbling now," he explained to James and Remus.

"Oh, no, I'm not," I squealed, breaking free. "You said–"

His hand was over my mouth again, tighter this time. "Time for class, I think." He grabbed both of our bags with his free hand, slung them over his shoulder, then pulled me out of my seat and ushered me out of the hall.

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: I'm really sorry. It would ruin it, and I just can't give anything away, much as I want to.

Once again, thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews. I really appreciate it.

There may not be an update tomorrow, as I have to work all day. If I do update, it'll be pretty late in the evening. I'm really sorry.


	8. Falling

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 7: Falling

"Well, well, the prodigal brother returns."

"Bugger off, Regulus."

"Mind your own business, Potter."

"Or what? You'll hex me? We're off school grounds. You can't do magic. Underage sorcery restrictions and all that."

"Yes, I'm sure you'll put your newfound freedom to good use...like jinxing defenseless first years."

"They're second years now, and I've never jinxed someone defenseless in my life. That's your lot."

We were standing on Platform Nine and Three Quarters, waiting for James' parents to arrive. Apparently, the Blacks were also running behind, and Regulus had taken the opportunity to aggravate his brother, who was attempting to ignore him.

Not that it mattered. James was holding his own.

But it was all getting a bit annoying. From where I stood, I had a clear view of Sirius' face, and I could see what the conversation was doing to him. He's tough, but when it came to his family...Not that he really talked about it much.

James had turned seventeen months ago, and Sirius had back in May. Regulus was just finishing his fourth year, and I had a whole month till my birthday.

In my view, that put us on equal terms.

"You know, Sirius," Regulus started back on his brother, "you really shouldn't let Potter fight all your battles for you. People might start to think you're weak." He said the last word with such emphasized nastiness, it was like lighter fluid on my already raging temper. "Maybe you'll ask your Mudblood friend to defend you next..."

There was a loud crunch, and Regulus was on the ground.

"He doesn't have to ask," I told him, rubbing my hand. Sirius and James were staring at me.

"YOU! YOU VILE LITTLE VIXEN!" The shout tore across the platform. A woman was running towards us, a woman who could never be compared to the handsomeness of her sons because her expression destroyed any beauty she might have possessed. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SON?"

Sirius stepped in front of me with the air of one trying to appear casual, but preparing for a fight.

If anyone deserved a good smackdown, it was Walburga Black, but even I recognized that wouldn't be appropriate.

"Hello, Mum," Sirius said calmly.

"Don't you call me that! You lost any right to call me your mother when you disgraced our house!"

She pulled Regulus to his feet none-too-gently, never breaking pace with her rant.

"Not only do you have the nerve to run around with this filth–" she nodded to James and me.

"Hang on there," I said, peaking around Sirius' shoulder. "I'm the only filth here. James is just scum."

Apparently my mouth doesn't care what's appropriate.

"No, _Sirius _is scum," James corrected. "I'm riffraff."

"Oh, sorry," I said. "Now that we've got that straightened out, Wally, by all means, continue."

She glared at us before returning her attention to her non-son. "You would stoop so low as to watch while they humiliate your own brother?"

"How can he be his brother if he's not part of the family anymore?" James wanted to know.

"Yeah, and I wouldn't really call that humiliation," I added. "Humiliation implies more effort on my part."

"Seriously, woman," James said, "you need to start checking your facts before you go on these little rants of yours."

Mrs. Black's face was now so red, so contorted, she looked like a cartoon idea some animator had rejected, crumpled up, and thrown in the wastebasket, on account of it's being too scary. Then of course, the drawing would have to come to life and stalk the animator like some deranged two-dimensional serial killer.

Sirius looked as though he didn't know whether to laugh or be horrified.

Maybe James and I had taken it a bit far...

Fortunately, a cheerful shout cut across the platform then, and two people it would be impossible not to identify were coming towards us.

I liked Mr. and Mrs. Potter immediately. Firstly because it would be impossible to find two faces more open, more instantly accepting, more warm-hearted, than theirs. Secondly because they were in instant command of the situation.

"Hello, Mrs. Black, Regulus," Mr. Potter greeted them with undeserved kindness. "How are you this fine day?"

They just glared at him and left.

_How sad._

"James!" Mrs. Potter declared unnecessarily. She pulled him into a hug. "How are you? How was your year?"

He laughed, pulling away from her. I think the hug actually managed to straighten out his hair. "Mum, I told you all about it in my letters."

"I know, dear, but it's so nice to hear about it in person."

"You can tell us all about it at dinner tonight," Mr. Potter said. "Sirius! How are you, lad?"

"Just fine, sir," said Sirius, shaking his hand.

"Not causing trouble with your family, I hope?" Mr. Potter said sternly.

"Regulus started it," James said. "But Kara took care of that." He winked at me.

The Potters turned to look at me, and for a moment, I felt the awful scrutiny, made worse by my idiotic behavior minutes before.

"I just gave 'em the ol' Muggle one-two," I said.

Mrs. Potter smiled warmly, but Mr. Potter was shaking his head.

"You'll want to be careful, the Blacks are dangerous," he said, with an apologetic look at Sirius.

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry, sir, but no one insults my friends."

Mr. Potter almost laughed. "Well said, but be careful. I don't want you three in any sort of trouble."

James snorted.

"I'm Mrs. Potter," his mother told me, smiling warmly. "You're Kara, are you? James told us all about you in his letters."

_I'll bet she's as tough as Molly Weasley underneath all that kindness._

"Yes, ma'am," I said. "I can't thank you enough for all you're doing for me."

"Oh, it's no trouble, dear," she said with feeling. "I think James sometimes gets bored without his friends around, Mr. Potter and I are so busy. With Sirius here the last couple of holidays, it's been better, but I'm sure your presence will make it that much more so."

"Thank you so much."

Mr. Potter smiled down at me, and I knew he wasn't angry. "Here. Let me take your trunk."

"Careful," James warned him. "She's got an entire library in there."

As we made our way out of the station, Sirius stuck close to me. "Nice punch," he whispered when he was sure the Potters weren't listening.

The Potters' house was lovely. It was located not too far outside of London, but the immediate area was not a busy one. I liked that.

My room was on the north side, the only one in that part of the hallway. Maybe James had hinted that I liked a little seclusion. Maybe Mrs. Potter was just really perceptive. It didn't matter so much. I was just glad not to have roommates for a while.

And there was a wide window. The first thing I did, before unpacking or washing up or any of that, was to throw it open, letting in the fresh air.

I took a quick shower. I hate travel grime. No matter what state you travel in, you always end up smelling like every place you've passed through.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter were taking us all to the Leaky Cauldron for dinner. I wanted to be my freshest.

I was brushing out my wet hair when Sirius and James popped in.

"Don't you knock?" I asked them.

"Not in my own house," said James shrugging.

They both made themselves at home on my bed. It was rather larger than I was used to, a full size, about. Though I don't know that wizard sizes compare with American Muggle sizes.

I groaned at them. "I'm not going to get any privacy while I'm here, am I?"

"What were you planning to do, run off with your books?" Sirius asked.

I looked at him guiltily.

"Sorry, not going to happen," he told me firmly, but he was grinning. "And tomorrow you get your first flying lesson."

I groaned even louder. "I already told you. I am _not_ flying."

"Why not?" asked James. "Flying is the best thing in the world."

"I'll look stupid," I told him.

"Too bad," said Sirius, getting up. "Enough with the hair. Let's get moving."

Dinner at the Leaky Cauldron wasn't half bad. I have to admit I was pretty excited to see it, to meet Tom, to think about everything that would happen there. Okay, so as far as important events go, Hogwarts was a much higher priority on the Harry Potter Red Carpet Tours, but there was just something _homey _about the Cauldron. I mean, what if you don't want all the adventure? What if you just want the good times and the perfect friends?

That was the part I was really trying to focus on.

The Potters, despite our awkward meeting, pulled me into their fold before I had a chance to even think about feeling like a burden. Mrs. Potter wasn't so much the overbearing motherly type, which I'll admit I was concerned about at first. I can't handle that. I've taken care of myself for a long time, and being dumped into fairy-tale land had put me in no mood to change that.

Of course, how could they be overbearing? This was the family that had taken Sirius in, and Sirius was in no better shape to be taken care of than I was.

So I guess the best I can compare Mrs. Potter to is my best friend's mom. Motherly in a way, advising, but like a friend in that I could talk to her about anything. If I wanted.

Other than the getting-to-know-you business, only one interesting thing happened. Tom offered me a job.

He had been listening in on our conversation, and since I had made no attempt to hide my cheek from the Potters, he got quite an earful. He was chuckling as he brought over the next round of drinks.

"You've got spunk, girl," he told me.

"Thanks," I said indifferently.

"How long you think you can keep that act up for?" he asked thoughtfully.

I had no idea where he was going with this. "Indefinitely."

"When you're out of Hogwarts, if you're not off saving the world with these two..." James and Sirius grinned. "Come see me. I'll give you a job."

I was so shocked I thanked him without thinking.

On the way out, James was teasing me about it. "Imagine _our_ Kara, bartender at the famous Leaky Cauldron!"

Sirius seemed to give the idea a little more thought, something unusual for him. When we got back to the house, he followed me to my room.

"What _are_ you going to do when you get out?" he asked.

"To be honest, I hadn't thought about it," I admitted.

"Why not?"

I didn't really want to answer this question. I wasn't entirely sure I could answer it, though of course I knew the answer.

"Kara?" Sirius said. His eyes were filled with nothing but concern.

"Why are you always worrying about me?" I asked.

"Because..." he frowned. "Because it's like you're not really here. And it's like you don't even care what happens to you."

"I don't."

I have no idea why I said that to him. I mean, it's true, because of all the things that were going to happen, what happened to me was the least significant.

"I _do_."

He said it very quietly, and then, with catlike grace, lifted himself off my bed and stalked out of the room. I didn't even get a goodnight.

I didn't sleep well that night, and I tried to use that as an excuse for getting out of the morning's planned activities, but it didn't work.

We were out on the back lawn.

James had a mammoth grin on his face.

I could have sworn the broom was quivering.

_That's right. It's more afraid of you than you are of it._

_I am _not_ afraid of it. I just don't want to fall on my ass. Flying sounds cool. I always wanted to fly. Like Peter Pan. Or even like a jet pilot. Or like Harry on Buckbeak. That would probably be the coolest._

Sirius seemed to have forgotten our...what? Argument? Quarrel? Tussle?

_Tussle? Where the hell did that come from?_

_Disagreement. That's the word._

_I am a human thesaurus._

_I'm also completely nuts if I continue to have two-sided conversations in my head._

James got on his broom and started zooming around the yard, whooping as he took some particularly complicated-looking turns that would have theme park designers scratching their heads over for years.

Sirius mounted his, then looked at me.

"Come on then."

"Come on then what?"

"You didn't think I was going to let you go up there alone, did you?" He smirked at me, eyes full of mischief. Leprechauns had nothing on this guy.

"You're going up with me? You're not going to try anything funny, are you?"

"Funny?"

I glanced at James.

Sirius laughed. "I promise. No Wronsky Feints, or anything like that."

I heaved a very large sigh, then got on the broom behind him. Tentatively, I put my hands on his waist.

"You're going to have to hold on a lot tighter than that, love."

I was very glad he couldn't see my face. I'm sure it was redder than Lily's hair. I wrapped both my arms securely around him, pressing my body against his. My legs bent alongside his, perfectly parallel. We couldn't have been closer unless...nevermind.

And then we were off. And it wasn't half bad. Mostly because I didn't fall off. I didn't really expect it to be bad, though.

I can't really recount flying. It's like...complete freedom. You can let everything that grounds you fall aside, and you just...soar.

And oh, how I wanted to soar. I wanted to glide. I would have been perfectly happy if it had been just me, but floating up there above the world like that with Sirius...it was indescribable.

All too soon, it was over, and I was back on the ground. James and Sirius took off together, and I spent a few hours watching their careless play. I felt a twinge of sadness, back there on the earth. They weren't children anymore, but full adulthood would bring more pain than they deserved. I didn't think I could bear to see them come down out of those clouds.

It was at that precise moment that I realized I _would_ see them come down. I would see both these men's worlds be shattered. I would witness as James came into his full strength, his unbelievable Gryffindor courage, only to be cut down just as that inner lion had mastered its roar. I would see Sirius wither in agonizing guilt, possibly even watch as he fell through the veil that was his only release.

I would be there.

This was real.

And I wasn't ever going home.

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Yes, it would ruin it. It would completely spoil one of my favorite parts of this story. I can't bring myself to do it. And thank you for your understanding, although I hope my getting this chapter up was a pleasant surprise. :)

Once again thank you all so much for your wonderful words of encouragement. It really means so much to me.


	9. Sometimes Screaming Is Bonding

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 8: Sometimes Screaming is Bonding

I had a new sort of balance to maintain. On the one hand, I was now completely and fully convinced that my situation was exactly what it appeared to be. That brought a certain sense of completeness that I had lacked before, when I was still pretending to be somewhere else. I could deal with matters as they stood, because I had accepted them.

In the other hand, my situation was what it was. I couldn't deny the awful realities that would soon be facing me and my friends. That's right. I could call them my friends now. They were no longer my dream companions.

And I was starting to really care about them.

Despite their love of strays, the Potters were still a family unit, and there were times it was obvious Sirius and I were not quite a part of that unit. One of those times came about a week before my birthday. The Potters wanted to visit some relatives in the south, and instead of dragging us along in an awkward display of refuges, Mr. and Mrs. Potter had decided to leave us behind.

The two of us. On our own.

Whoa.

It warmed my heart most profusely that they trusted us that much.

The idea of spending three days exclusively in Sirius' company wasn't so bad either.

The day they were leaving, I ended up in the kitchen helping Mrs. Potter pack some dishes she had made up for the occasion. At first, she had resisted my attempts to make myself useful around the house, but, as I said, she is a very perceptive woman, and as soon as she realized it put me at my ease, she let me assist her in anything I wanted. It reminded me of my own mother, whisking up meals to entertain our guests. She was a master amateur chef.

"You seem to be settling in better," Mrs. Potter remarked.

I was arranging strawberries on some sort of tort. "You've been more than welcoming. I can't thank you enough." I said this at least once a day. James seemed to think it was overdoing it a bit.

"Well, I'm glad we could help," said Mrs. Potter. "When James first wrote us about your predicament, we wrote to Dumbledore first, of course. Not that we think any harm of you, but with circumstances being what they are...You understand, don't you?"

"Of course." But the thought of being considered some sort of danger bothered me. I _was _a threat, wasn't I? I was a grenade with the pin pulled, dropped in the middle of a tribe of cavemen. Who knew what chaos I could cause simply by being there?

"What did Dumbledore tell you?" I asked curiously.

"That you came here under unusual circumstances," she answered, a note of sadness in her voice. "That you wouldn't be able to go home, and that you couldn't talk about any of it, for reasons he wouldn't explain."

"You trust him enough to take a stranger with no verifiable past into your house?" I said.

"Yes," she said. "And now that I know you, I can't think any harm of you."

I was silent. No matter how kind they were, no matter how Dumbledore protected me, it didn't change the fact that it would have been much smarter just to dump me somewhere away from it all.

On the other hand, maybe Dumbledore wanted me here so the Potters could keep an eye on me.

I shuddered at the thought.

"But I worry about you sometimes," Mrs. Potter went on. "You'll be fine one day, and the next it's as if you're trying to get away without moving. I notice you go off on your own on those days."

"Not for long," I muttered. "Sirius usually finds me."

"Sirius is worried about you too," she said with a knowing smile. "I think he may have taken a bit of a fancy to you."

"I think Sirius would fancy anything with legs less hairy than James'," I said without thinking.

She just looked at me.

"I'm sorry," I said, dropping the strawberry I was holding and turning to face her apologetically. "I didn't mean...I just..."

She laughed. "Don't worry about it, dear. Sirius' reputation has spread far and wide. I know as a general rule, he doesn't take girls very seriously."

"No," I agreed. "And it doesn't really bother me. He's my friend, you know? And he's the very best kind of friend."

Mrs. Potter smiled so warmly, I wondered just how proud she was of her unofficially adopted son. "He is indeed. And you value that friendship?"

"I do," I told her, going back to my strawberries.

She came over to stand by me, put an arm gently around my shoulders. "Don't rule anything else out just yet. You never know what the future may hold."

_Oh, but I do_, I thought. But I concentrated on the strawberries.

The Potters left late that afternoon, James and Sirius making quite a show of the woes of their parting.

And then we were alone.

There was an awkward silence. It lasted...a good five, ten minutes. I was just about to disappear without a word when Sirius spoke up.

"So what's for dinner?"

"Mrs. Potter left us something in the cooler," I told him. "You're ready for it now?"

He shrugged. "I thought afterwards we might try flying again."

I had only been up once since my first lesson, and Sirius had still gone up with me. This time, however, he hung back.

"You're letting me up by myself?" I asked him, a little nervously. But not very.

"Nope," he said. "But you're in control this time."

I mounted in silence. He got on behind me. He didn't put his arms around my waist like I had with him. Instead, his hands rest lightly on my hips, tightening every so often when I took a turn wrong. He was very close, and I think I might have done better if he hadn't been. He was a very patient teacher, murmuring instructions in my ear when necessary, but letting me experiment. I wondered what it would be like to be that fearless.

Of course, he also made fun of me when I did something stupid.

We were out there until twilight, and then we sat in the garden, talking. I was a little concerned about him getting bored, but he never showed any sign of it.

And then it was time for bed, and we said goodnight like usual. I was up for a while reading, but not too long.

It was very, _very_ late when I heard the screams.

They were terrifying, chilling cries of pain. The agony in them was unbearable. At first I just sat up in my bed, heart pounding, waiting for some explanation, someone to make it stop.

I knew from the start that someone would have to be me.

I followed the cries down the hall, just around the turn that separated my part of the house from the rest. Sirius' room was right around that turn, and that was where the screams were coming from.

It was an awful sight. Whatever nightmare he was having, I didn't think it could be half as terrifying as the sight of him thrashing, yelling incoherently.

I didn't hesitate for a moment. I was across the room, sitting on the edge of his bed. My hands were on his arms, trying to stop their flailing. I was calling his name in what I hoped was a reassuring tone.

Evidently not.

It was like he woke up– but he didn't. He launched off the bed like a giant, rabid cat, pushing me with him. We landed with a loud thud on the floor. He was crouched over top of me, his eyes wide and mad. But the worst part was that his hand was closed tightly around my throat.

"Sirius..." I tried to say. It came out like a sudden breath of wind through a kink in a wall. His hand tightened.

There was a crushing sensation on the _inside_ of my throat, and I was sure my windpipe was done for.

_Kinda makes that charm obsolete..._

I made one last attempt to extricate myself out from under him, one last attempt to say his name, then I gave up.

Which is ironic, really, because that's when his eyes turned on.

That's the only way I can think to describe it. Sirius was back. His eyes filled up with awareness, first of himself, then of me, and then he was off me faster that I could think to try protesting my death again.

I rolled onto my side, gasping, clutched at my aggrieved throat. He scuttled back a few feet, eyes wide with horror.

When I could speak again, I asked, "Are you alright?"

"_What_?"

"You were screaming," I explained. My voice wasn't really working properly.

"Oh," he said. "Is that why you...?"

I nodded, then struggled to my feet.

"I need water," I said.

Sirius followed me to the kitchen, took a seat at the table. I got myself a glass of water. It helped somewhat. While I drank, I watched Sirius. He was staring at the table in front of him, his expression unreadable.

"Would you care for some tea?" I asked.

"What? Yes." He seemed confused. I wondered if he'd really come back after all.

I made up the tea, using the largest mugs I could find. They were hardly sufficient. I set one in front of him, then took a seat across the table. He took a sip, then finally looked up at me.

I took a deep breath. "Usually, when something bad happens, I get really angry when people try to force me to talk about it," I said. "I don't know if it's the same for you, so I won't ask. But, if you did want to talk, well, I'm here. And I'm extraordinarily good at keeping secrets."

He remained silent for a long while. I had gotten through most of my tea by the time he spoke, but, considering the inadequacy of the vessel I was drinking it from, this was not such a feat.

"I...don't sleep well alone," he said slowly. "When I lived at my parents house...well, that's a long story, and I don't want to tell you that. Well, I hate being alone. It makes me nervous. I guess when I'm sleeping it's just that much worse."

I didn't say anything.

"At school," he went on, "it's not such a big deal. Moony and Prongs are there, and even Peter is some use."

"You don't share a room with James when you're here," I pointed out.

"James has an uncanny knack for sensing when something is about to go wrong," said Sirius. "He usually wakes me up."

It almost made me smile. "You two are very lucky to have each other."

"We are. Well, I am at least." He looked at me, eyes full of an apology I in no way needed. "Kara, I'm so sorry."

I waved it off, getting up to put my cup in the sink. "I'm fine," I told him. "Please don't worry about it."

I'm not sure if he accepted this, or just gave up arguing with me.

As I was rinsing out the mug, I yawned. Sirius didn't miss this, and he turned around to watch me carefully.

"Flying makes me tired," I said, giving him an encouraging smile.

"You should go to bed," he told me.

I hesitated. "I'm not sure...I mean..."

His jaw tightened. "I don't want you losing sleep on my account."

"Well, do you think _you_ can sleep again?"

"I'll probably just wake up again," he admitted.

"The same way?"

"Hopefully without nearly killing you."

"Follow me then," I ordered, struck with a sudden inspiration. He obeyed, somewhat to my surprise. I led him into the living room. Once there, I flopped onto the couch, ungracefully, tucking one of the pillows under my head.

He was still standing there, watching me, when I opened one eye.

"Take the other couch, or the chair, or whichever you like," I told him. "This way, you don't have to be alone."

I think he actually smiled at that, but it was dark, so I couldn't be sure. He lay down on the other couch, and I distinctly heard a "thank you, Kara" before the sandman took the wheel.

Unfamiliar sleeping arrangements always mean I wake up early. This was no different. Sirius was still blissfully out. I didn't want to disturb him, so I snuck to my room, retrieved a book, and curled up on the couch again.

We didn't get up until about ten.

It was a lazy day. The sun was out, which always makes me feel lethargic. I took my book, _Sunshine_ again, and laid down to read it in the middle of the back lawn. Sirius went about his own business for a while, eventually joining me. After dinner, we returned to our separate chambers.

This time, when I woke, it wasn't to any immediately discernable noise. I had to strain my ears to catch it. It was a movement kind of noise, accompanied every so often by a grunt or a moan. If I hadn't had the previous night's horrors to advise me, I would have come to an entirely different conclusion.

Once again, I slipped out of my own bed and padded down the hall. Sirius' door was already open.

He was tossing and turning, but not in a restless manner, more like he was battling something in his sleep. He kept making sounds, which, while they weren't as terrifying as the screams, were disconcerting in their own way.

I stood there in the doorway wondering what to do. I really didn't want to get into another mess. My windpipe quaked at the thought. But I couldn't bring myself to leave him there, even though I was sure he'd be perfectly alright in the morning.

And then he calmed down. I don't know what it was. Just, suddenly, he wasn't thrashing anymore. He was still breathing heavily, the aftermath of some crisis, but he seemed more at peace.

I still felt I couldn't leave him. What if he somehow sensed I was there and relaxed because of it? He'd just go back to his moaning if I left, or worse. But I couldn't very well stand there all night either.

In a corner by the door was a rather comfortable easy chair. It was big enough to allow me to curl up in it with ease, soft enough to allow me some rest. I decided it wouldn't hurt if I spent the night there. I could slip off in the morning before Sirius woke up, and he'd get a decent night's sleep.

I snuggled down into the confines of the chair, and as Sirius' breathing softened, regularized, I drifted off to the sound of it.

When I awoke, I was flat on my back staring at sunlight on the ceiling. Vaguely, I registered that the ceiling was not mine, but this observation was made rather obsolete by the next. Across half my chest and rib cage was flung a heavy body. An strong arm was wrapped securely around my waist to fold up under my other side, and tucked into the hollow under my chin was a shaggy black head.

I ran through the usual symptoms in my head.

_Mouth fuzzy? No._

_Headache? No._

_Brain sluggish? Fine, except for the part that deals with memory._

_Unexplainable ache in limbs that could be related to alcohol-induced clumsiness or unmentionable activities? No._

_Then _what_..._

I decided I'd try to move. Sirius was a heavy sleeper. Maybe he wouldn't notice if his pillow got up and walked away.

His breath was tickling the skin between my collarbone and breasts. I was suddenly very conscious of just how he was lying, half on top of me, his form packed into mine like a pair of sardines.

Except I was pretty sure sardines wouldn't be nearly as comfortable.

I tried to shift a little, move further out from under him. He was pretty heavy. I shifted a little harder, and woke him up.

His head raised so that I was looking directly into his grey eyes.

_With eyes like the sea after a storm..._

_Agh. I am not Buttercup._

"Morning," he said, suddenly grinning.

"Morning," I replied, unable to repress a smile of my own. "Did I miss something?"

He paused. "I think we both did."

I looked at him quizzically, but when he showed no sign of going first, I mentally tried to pull together the previous night's events.

"I woke up..." I told him. "You were..."

"Screaming?" he offered, grin gone.

I shook my head. "Moaning...Not the good kind," I added as the corner of his lip started to quirk upward again.

Wow. Every feature stuck out in sharp review from this close. My Greek god-and-faun description to Remus suddenly seemed that much more appropriate. Sirius was bloody _gorgeous_.

_Since when did I start using the word bloody?_

"I wasn't sure what to do, and you calmed down after I stood there indecisively for a bit, so I decided to stay in the chair. I figured I'd be up first. I wasn't, was I?"

"Ah, no," he said. "I woke up in the middle of the night and found you there. You didn't look too comfortable, so..."

"I was fine," I cut in.

"You didn't look too comfortable," he ignored me, "so I figured I'd put you someplace where you'd get a decent night's sleep. I didn't think you'd mind if I was already occupying that space."

"I didn't," I admitted, "but I was a little surprised."

He laughed before rolling off of me. He stretched out on his back, as I got up to leave.

"Hey! Where are you going?" he called after me.

"Hmm. Shower," I said.

Both being somewhat better rested, we were much more active that day. We spent the morning flying, and then took a walk to the closest town that afternoon. Sirius visited an old friend of his and James', while I explored the local bookstore. I came out with _Jane Eyre_, the last major hole in my "dream-land" collection.

I made dinner that night, and I'm happy to say I did a good job. Mrs. Potter's household skills were catching on.

After a raucous conversation about House Elf-Goblin relations, it was time for bed. To my surprise, Sirius followed me to my room. I got out my pajamas, and turned around to see him still standing in my doorway, expectantly.

"Um..." I said.

"Can ya move a little faster, love?" he said with a smirk.

"For what?" I asked.

"Well, instead of going through that whole nightmare routine again..." he trailed off. I got the point. He was offering for me to just spend the night with him. I was not entirely opposed to the idea.

"Alright," I said, answering his unvoiced question. "But I need to get changed, and I can't do that with you here. Not unless you have a few singles."

"Singles?"

"For a tip."

It took him a moment to work this out, and when he did, his eyes widened. "People actually do that in America?"

"Muggle America, anyway," I informed him. "They don't in the wizarding world?"

"Well," Sirius paused. "They probably do, but it's not talked about a lot."

"We're a bit less embarrassed about it," I said in an embarrassed voice.

He grinned. "Give me a minute."

I shut the door behind him, then hurried out of my clothes. I wasn't sure what he was up to, but I estimated I had about two minutes before he came back.

The thing about my door at the Potter's was, it didn't squeak. Which is nice, usually. On this particular occasion, it made things very awkward indeed.

I had my pajama pants on. They were light and comfy, and fell about halfway down my calves. I turned around to reach for my t-shirt, which was resting on my trunk. My eyes flickered once over the open door, then snapped back.

I was standing facing the door, fully exposed, my arm stretched out toward the shirt. Sirius was standing in the doorway, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes locked on me.

And by me, I do _not_ mean my face.

And I'm not one of those weirdos who wears a bra to bed, either.

My entire body blushed, and my brain started working again, and I had that shirt on so fast the human eye wouldn't have registered it.

Had it on backwards.

"Damn it!" I yelled. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sirius shaking his head as though he had water in his ears. I turned my back to him, peeled the shirt back off, and put it on right.

Then I turned back to face him, still blushing furiously.

He had regained his composure and was now grinning at me.

I glared. "Learn. To. Knock!"

He chuckled. "I don't like knocking. Can't see the attraction, honestly."

My blush deepened. I didn't know whether to be horrified or flattered, because it had honestly seemed like he took an interest in what he saw.

_Yeah, right._

I settled for mortified.

"Let's go," I muttered, pushing past him. He was still smirking at me as we walked down the hallway.

"What did you go do, anyway?" I asked him when we got to his room.

He hesitated. "I was going to get some Galleons, as a joke," he said.

I rolled my eyes. I thought about asking him to pay up, but the desire to forget the whole incident took over.

Which wasn't easy with his changing in front of me. I turned away, the bigger person, until his soft, mocking laugh drew me back around.

He was clad semi-modestly in a pair of pajama pants, but, like the two previous nights, had opted to forgo a shirt.

We climbed into bed. This time he lay on his back, and I had my head on his shoulder, with my arm stretched across his waist.

_Hello._

"Kara, you feel like an ironing board," he told me after a minute.

I scowled. I was still horribly embarrassed. The arm my head was resting on came up to tighten around my shoulders.

"I don't mind if you don't," he said. His voicereekedof cheekiness.

I sighed, trying to relax.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked. His tone had changed. It was serious now...unsure.

"Sure."

I felt him take a deep breath, let it out slowly. "Why did you say what you said to Mrs. Potter?"

I frowned. Mrs. Potter? "I'm not sure what..."

"In the kitchen. Before they left. When she suggested that I might..."

_Oh, no._

"You heard that?" I asked in alarm. This was definitely not my night.

"Yeah," Sirius admitted. "But you made it sound as if you'd never take the idea seriously."

It was taking a lot of effort not to hyperventilate. "Well, to be honest, I thought she was a bit off her rocker when she suggested it."

He shifted a little beneath me. I think he was trying to see my face.

"Why would you say that?"

_Air goes in, then out again._

"Um..."

"Kara?"

"Well, I just thought it was silly, really, that you would..." I really didn't want to have this conversation.

"Okay, I got that. But I want to know why. Does this have something to do with the new girl every two weeks thing?"

"Well, yes," I said. I decided it was best to just be straightforward. He was going to keep asking anyway. "I mean, not that I'm complaining or anything, it's just...well, you've never shown any interest in me, so obviously she had to be wrong."

"Never shown any...And why do you think that was?"

"Um, because you don't find me attractive?"

I hate fishing for compliments, so it took all my willpower to get that sentence out. Ugh. Why couldn't he just drop it?

His arm slipped out from under my head, and he rolled over so he was on top of me like the previous night. I couldn't really see his face. The lights were off, but somehow I could tell his eyes were searching me.

"I want you to understand something, okay?" he said. "After this, I think it's probably best if we never talk about it again."

_I'd be quite content if we never talk about it period._

"I find you _very_ attractive, which makes this difficult, because you're my friend. Which, from what I overheard, seems to be all you see me as. I think that's best, because I don't do well with girls. Never have. But I want you to understand that the _only_ reason I haven't tried to shag you senseless is because I care so much about you."

That sound you hear in the distance? That's me mentally crashing to the floor.

Being Sirius, he couldn't just leave it there. "Don't think I haven't thought about it though."

_Don't think I haven't either._

He was giving me an odd look.

_Wait..._

"I said that out loud, didn't I?"

He laughed, bark-like, as one might expect. I groaned, and tried to turn over to bury my face in the pillow.

Sirius slid off me, returning to his previous position. His arm righted itself around me, and he gave me a reassuring squeeze.

I settled comfortably against him. For some reason, I actually felt better.

"You're not the only problem, you know," I said after a while.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm the Great Train-wrecker of Relationships," I announced with mock pride.

"You? Really?" His voice was filled with wonder.

"Yes."

"It's because you don't like being close to people," he said after a moment.

_Which is hard with you, because you seem to know me so well without my having to say anything._

"You could say that."

"You're alright with friends, though?" he asked.

I laughed. "Would you take no for an answer?"

"Nope."

"I'm alright with friends," I told him honestly.

**End Part One.**

I call this my Sirius/Kara fluff chapter!

I'm thinking of starting a contest. Whoever can catch all the references I make will be the winner. What do you think?

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: I realized I responded to your second-to-last comment twice. Wow, I'm tired.

**AudioAesthetic**: I wanted to say a special thank you. Part of the reason I actually decided to write this was because I couldn't find anything like it. A lot of the Sirius/OC stories seem to run the same, and I got bored. So your comments really meant a lot to me. Thank you.

**Morning-Sunset**: Thank you for your many reviews! Where to start. Hmm. Well, first of all, I hope this chapter was enough fluff for you! And yes, you will all have to wait and see about Forgive-Me-Severus' question. I wanted part of the attraction to Kara, the reason the Marauders have taken her under their wing, to be because of her loyalty as a friend. I've had the Snape werewolf revelation conversation planned out since this story first began to take form in my head. I'm so glad you love Kara. As for your theory, no, it's not correct, but I absolutely love it!! Really, it's a great idea. Too bad I can't steal it...

Again, many, many thanks to all of you who are reading. I hope you like it!


	10. Sunshine

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

**Part Two: Phileo**

Chapter 9: Sunshine

"GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING!"

Something crash-landed on my leg. I was lying on my stomach, my limbs moderately twisted around Sirius. The fallen object successfully pinned me down, I couldn't turn over to see what it was.

"OW!"

There was a cackle of laughter. I craned my neck around into a position that was sure to cause some damage. Seated happily on my offended leg, grinning from ear to ear, was one James Potter.

"Do you mind?" I asked irritably.

"Nope," he answered cheekily.

I growled, un-entwined my other leg from Sirius, and kicked James. He bounced off the bed with an "oof!"

Sirius shifted up onto his elbows. I rolled over to get a good look at the man who had trespassed on my peaceful morning. To my trepidation, standing next to him was Remus.

I groaned.

"Sooooo," said James. "What exactly is going on here?"

My kick hadn't done enough damage, I decided.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Sirius asked before I could say anything.

I glared at him. "Nothing," I told James.

He ignored me, answering Sirius instead. "Yes, I would!"

I narrowed my eyes at Sirius. _He wouldn't..._

I was right.

"Nothing happened, James," he said.

"Thank you," I huffed, getting up.

James looked almost disappointed.

"What are you doing back so early, anyway?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "We got an early start. Then we stopped to pick up Moony here."

Remus was smirking at me.

"Stuff it," I said as I walked by him out of the room.

I really hoped Mr. and Mrs. Potter hadn't heard any of the commotion James had made. The last thing I needed was for them to think I was some sort of...yeah.

I took my time in the shower, not quite ready to go back to the boys and what was sure to be endless hours of teasing. Although I was genuinely excited to see Remus. As great as James and Sirius were, I could only take so much Quidditch talk.

I got dressed slowly, picking my outfit with a little more care than usual. I always tried to look a little better for the Potters. I felt I owed it to them.

While I was plaiting my hair, there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," I called.

It was Remus.

"So," he said, coming over and sitting on my bed.

"Oh, shut up," I snapped.

He laughed. "Nothing happened?"

I shook my head. "Unless you count James ambushing us this morning. _That_ was pretty exciting."

He chuckled, then looked thoughtful. "What did happen?"

I sighed, then hurriedly recapped the previous night's conversation for him.

"That bad, huh?" he asked sympathetically.

I shook my head. "Not really. I mean, I suppose it's a letdown in a way, but I think I was more afraid of the other thing."

"You mean him asking you out?"

"Or other such nonsense, yes."

"So you're alright with this?"

"I've never felt more like Tumnus in my life."

Remus laughed again. If I made a list of the things I missed the most, when those days were gone, Remus' laugh would be at the top. He had the most sincere laugh of anyone I've ever known. It was never meant to flatter, or to make him fit in. If he laughed, it was because he was genuinely enjoying himself.

"You're an odd person."

"Indisputably."

My door opened then, and James came rushing in, eyes narrowed and concerned. He stopped in front of me, gently reached over and lifted my chin to examine my throat. His fingers softly played over my skin.

"You're alright?" he asked when he was done.

"I'm fine," I told him.

He let out a huge sigh. "He told me what happened. You know you have some bruises."

I didn't know. I hurriedly turned to look in the mirror. Sure enough, there were soft blue marks along my throat, like fingerprints.

"Is it noticeable?" I said.

"A little," James admitted. "Moony's good with that sort of thing. He can probably help you. Kara...was he...how bad was it?

Remus was watching us carefully from the bed. I glanced at him before looking back at James.

"It's okay," said James.

"He was screaming the first night," I said. "That's when...well, you know. After that it wasn't anything too bad. And nothing last night."

"Because you were there," James provided.

"Because I was there," I said.

"Ah," said Remus. "Then that's why."

I nodded. "I wasn't sure he'd want me telling either of you about it."

"No worries," said James, backing out of my room. "Though I think it's better if my parents don't see those bruises." He disappeared, closing the door behind him.

Remus was watching me carefully.

"It's been a weird couple of days," I told him glumly.

He nodded his understanding. "Come on. Let's take care of that neck of yours."

Mrs. Potter gave me a huge hug when Remus and I entered the kitchen a short time later.

"How are you, dear?" she asked eagerly.

"I'm well," I told her. "How was your trip?"

"Lovely," she said. Behind her back, I could see James shaking his head at her, eyes wide in disbelief. I nearly snorted.

"Sirius," Mrs. Potter said, moving to give him a kiss. "I hope you're doing well?"

"Much better now that James is back," he told her brightly.

"I was lost without you, mate," said James with feeling.

"It was as though a part of me was missing..." said Sirius.

"Like I'd left a bit of my soul behind..."

_James Potter and Sirius Black. Nature's horcruxes._

I felt a twinge of something I thought I'd buried. Before she'd off and gotten married, my best friend and I had done routines like that. Only they made even less sense.

I loved my new friends, but there were some things that were irreplaceable. I'd never have that again. Unless Lily and I somehow became best friends, which I very much doubted. She annoyed me. She was too...well, she thought a lot of herself. Almost as much as James.

Remus was rolling his eyes at them. Mrs. Potter smiled.

"And here I thought it was your brain that was missing," I said to Sirius.

Remus choked.

"What's your excuse then?" said Sirius.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I think you guys make me dumber."

"Did they get you on a broom yet?" Remus cut in.

"Yep," said Sirius. "She won't be trying out for the Quidditch team anytime soon, but she wasn't bad."

"Hm," said Mrs. Potter, looking thoughtful. "Kara, how would you like your own broom?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Um...That's not really necessary. I don't think I'll be doing that much flying, but thank you."

"Oh, well," said Mrs. Potter. "I was just trying to think of something you'd like for your birthday."

I cringed.

"Oh ho ho!" cried James. "And when is this?"

"Sometime soon the exactness of which you will not be finding out," I told him firmly.

"Come one, Kara, you're only seventeen once!" he protested.

_Not true_, I thought.

Mrs. Potter looked a little downcast. "You don't want a party?"

"Ah...I'd rather as little mention of it as possible, actually," I said honestly.

"Turning seventeen is an important step in your life," lectured Mrs. Potter.

"You'll be coming of age," said Remus.

"You'll be able to do magic," said James, eyes twinkling.

"You'll be able to drink," said Sirius solemnly.

"That, I'm alright with," I laughed, winking at him.

"Alright, then, how about this," said Mrs. Potter. I braced myself. "We'll have a small dinner here, nothing fancy, I promise. Then you lot can go enjoy yourselves at the Leaky Cauldron."

"Sounds good to me!" said James.

"I won't be able to apparate yet," I pointed out.

"Don't worry about it," said Sirius. "You can side-along with me, or we'll take the floo."

They were all looking at me expectantly. I _hate_ having a big deal made out of anything to do with me. On the other hand, drinks at the Leaky Cauldron...I was somewhat inclined to try firewhiskey. And wasn't this a milestone? Albeit, one I'd already passed, but it was a milestone for all of us. Who knew how many opportunities we'd have after this. It was a sobering thought.

"Alright," I said resignedly.

"Whoo-hoo!" James yelled. "Three cheers for Kara! And for July the– wait, what day is it again?"

We all laughed at him.

In the end it wasn't so bad. I woke up to the smell of bacon, which is the best way to wake up. It was one of those casual mornings where you just kind of laze out of bed, and consequently we were all sitting around the breakfast table in our pajamas.

I didn't do so badly in the present department either, though I had told them over and over again that it wasn't necessary. Mr. and Mrs. Potter surprised me by paying for all of my school supplies for the year. (They had intercepted my Hogwarts letter and taken care of it before I even had a chance to protest.) Remus got me a book of wizard fairytales to add to my trunk library. James and Sirius were the best though. They teamed up to get me a kitten.

"For when you're in your dorm, and we're in ours, and you need a friend who doesn't have a high-pitched cackle for a laugh," Sirius told me.

This turned out to be a mistake, since the grey furball could reach an octave of meow that I'm pretty sure dogs would have run from. I named him Caspian.

We were pretty lazy for the rest of the day, but there was an incident later that morning that I should probably mention.

Apparently the Potters had made another little detour on their trip. Mrs. Potter, like Lily, had quite a talent with Potions, and had retrieved some rare brews for some experiments she was doing. When I'd finished getting dressed, I met the Marauders in her lab. They were standing over a large cauldron, which was brimming with some unidentified liquid.

The first thing I noticed was the smell. As I entered the room, it was like getting hit with a cool breeze, a calming, salty breeze. I stopped in my tracks, closing my eyes to breath it in.

Then the smell changed, and it was that refreshing clean scent of the air after it's rained.

It changed again, and I thought I smelled parchment and ink: the smell of an ancient library.

Then again, and this time it was some musk that I couldn't identify.

I opened my eyes and walked over to where the boys were standing. "What is it?"

"Amortentia," Remus told me. "It's supposed to smell like whatever a person loves the most."

I closed my eyes again, taking a deep, dramatic breath.

"Quaffles and snitches and fresh cut grass!" I chirped breathlessly. I opened one eye, peering out of the corner of it at James. "Oh, wait. That's you."

He scowled.

"You left out Lily's hair," pointed out Sirius.

James took a deep breath of his own, paused, then, yelled, "Dammit!"

I laughed so hard I thought my sides would burst. I knew I had him pegged.

"What do you smell then?" he asked irritably.

Again, that salty tang reached my nostrils. _I could stand here all day_, I thought.

"Mmm...the ocean," I said. "And that freshness in the air that's only there after a good rain. Parchment and ink..." I winked at Remus. "And something musky. I don't know what it is though."

"Sirius was having the same problem earlier," said James lightly. "Only it was something flowery."

I shrugged. "Not important, I suppose."

James looked shocked. "What you love the most isn't important?"

"Well, I'm sure I'll recognize it if I need to," I said. "What else did you smell, Sirius?"

"Wet dog."

Dinner was pleasant. Afterwards, the boys crowded in my room while I freshened up. For me, this is just running a brush through my hair and spraying on some perfume.

"There it is again!" exclaimed Sirius suddenly. "That smell! James, is your mom working on a way to make that stuff stronger?"

I froze. In my hand was my little bottle of perfume, which I had just applied generously to my neck. But there was no way...

Remus was standing closest to me, and had a good view of my expression. Slowly, a grin began to spread across his lightly scarred face.

_Don't you dare. I can do magic now._

Before I could protest, Remus snatched the bottle out of my hand.

"Hey, Sirius!" he said.

_Come on, spontaneously combust!_

"Is this it?"

He tossed the bottle to Sirius, who caught it deftly. His nose twitched slightly as he sniffed it, and his eyes widened.

"Yeah! What...?"

"It's Kara's perfume," Remus announced happily.

Sirius looked at me, then quickly away. He put the cap back on the bottle.

"What is it?" he asked, handing it back to me. His voice suggested he was trying very hard to ignore what had just happened.

"Jasmine," I said. "Are we ready to go?"

"Yes, ma'am," said James, who was exchanging impish glances with Remus.

Remus held the door open for me as we exited my room. "You're going to pay for that," I said, glaring.

His laugh echoed down the hallway behind me.

I realized later that night, when the four of us were sitting around the table, guzzling firewhiskey and swapping ridiculous stories, that I was having one of those moments where you don't want to be anywhere else. It came as a bit of a shock, because I have never had one of those moments before. I mean, I had had good times with my friends back home, but this was different. Despite everything that came after, I wouldn't have traded that night for anything. I decided then and there that, regardless of the misery to come, I _wanted_ to be there. I was so grateful for these, my completely_ not_-dream friends, who I would have died for, if I could have.

The trouble was, they were the ones who were going to die. And there was nothing I could do about it.

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Just to warn you, that kiss is going to be a long time in coming. I happen to agree with Morning-Sunset, that it's best if they have to work for it. Kara especially.

**Morning-Sunset**: I won't be using your ending, though my love of it is by no means lessened. I've had my ending planned out for so long, and it's one of those chapters I'm most looking forward to writing, I just can't change it now. Especially since it fits with how I've set up the story. Still, though, I take my hat that I am not wearing off to your genius.

I take it the contest is not a good idea. Oh, well.

Thank you all once again! You're awesome!


	11. At The Ready

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 10: At The Ready

Hogwarts feasts tend to make you a bit lethargic, so I had to curb my appetite on my first night back. James had covertly passed me the Invisibility Cloak on my way up to my dormitory, and I had stuffed it under my pillow until I could be sure my dorm mates were sleeping, Lily especially.

It was around midnight when I finally shuffled out of there. Sirius was standing on the bottom of the stairs. I reached one hand out to tug on his sleeve, and he turned around to grin in my general direction. I opened the Cloak, and he stepped under it. We had to crouch to hide our feet.

"Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail already went ahead with the map," Sirius told me as we made our way through the portrait hole. "And they brought the necessary supplies."

We made our way silently through the corridors, stopping once to avoid attracting the attention of Professor Flitwick, who was on patrol, and then over the moonlit grounds. Remus was going to have a rough first couple of weeks back.

At the entrance to the Whomping Willow, a small scurrying creature was crouched. It touched the mysterious knot before scampering under the tree. Sirius and I followed. We abandoned the Cloak once we were inside. Instead of the rat, Peter was standing there waiting for us.

"They're already up there," he told us, with a sidelong glance at me.

"You do realize," I told them once we were all gathered, "we're going to be a mess for classes tomorrow."

"We won't," James said. He was sitting Indian-style on the floor, directly across from me. From some pocket in his robes, he pulled out a small vile. "Hangover potion. I nicked it from Pomfrey's office earlier."

"Very nice," I said.

Sirius got to his feet, bottle in hand. He cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen," he began.

"Only one lady," James pointed out.

"I was counting Moony."

Remus threw a biscuit at him.

Sirius tried again. "Gentlemen and _lady_, we are gathered tonight to celebrate a most auspicious occasion, the usual Hogwarts feast not doing it justice, and the presence of so many Slytherins rather putting a damper on the whole affair."

"Hear, hear!" cried James.

"Tonight, here in this our most sacred of places, we honor the start of our seventh year," Sirius went on. "We acknowledge how far we've come in our academic careers, shudder at the thought of the exams we have yet to face. I would also like to make special mention of the pranks we have pulled, all the wonderful stunts we've gotten away with."

"And all the ones we haven't," Remus muttered.

"And, I also want to say something else." Sirius' voice had changed. It was softer, more solemn. We all looked up at him expectantly, and I knew this time no one was going to interrupt. "Over the past seven years for most of us, and past seven months for one, you all have made me feel more at home than I ever did in my own house. James, you replaced Regulus as my brother. Remus, you...okay, so we really took advantage of you, but you never grudged us our fun, and I can't thank you enough for being there...and for letting me copy your homework at the last minute. Peter, my hat comes off to you. Kara...well, you're something special. I knew as soon as you stood up to Snape that day you were different. And every time we've needed you in the short time we've known you, you've come through. I don't think I've ever met anyone I could trust so implicitly from the start.

"I'm not so good at these speech things, so I'll rap it up." He raised his bottle high, and we all did the same. "To our seventh year, and to good friends. May we never part."

"May we never part," we all repeated, and drank.

"To firewhiskey!" James shouted, and we all laughed, before joining him.

"To Quidditch!" said Remus, inciting another round of chugging.

"To Snape's hair!" said Peter.

"To Lily's hair!"

"Shut up, Prongs!"

"To Madame Rosmerta..." Sirius said with a funny sigh.

I nearly choked on my drink.

"To Animagi!" said Remus.

"To the end of the war," I said softly. We drank silently to that one.

"So it's about time we all had the talk," James said.

"You really need me to explain this to you again?" Sirius grinned.

James made a face at him. "Not _that_ talk.. The one where we all share our future plans."

"Well, you and I already talked about that," Sirius said.

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

"We're going to try to be Aurors," said James. "It'll depend a lot on our test results."

"Best of luck to you," I said, tilting my bottle at him.

"Thank you."

"What about you, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know yet," Remus said sadly. "There aren't a lot of opportunities out there for werewolves."

"If you could do anything?" I asked, curious.

"Well, what I'd really like to do," he said, "is teach."

I smiled. "I can't imagine a better teacher."

I couldn't be sure in the candlelight, but I think he blushed. "Thank you."

"What about you, Kara?" asked James.

"I'm taking Tom's offer," I said.

"Really?" said Sirius.

I nodded. "It's practical, it's almost a guarantee, and I don't have any Auror aspirations or anything like that."

"Wow, I didn't know you'd thought about it that seriously," said James.

I shrugged. Truth was, after that night, I'd given it a whole lot of thought. I knew I needed something out of the way, but something that would give me a good view of everything that was happening. I was already more in the middle of things than I cared to be, so Auror was definitely out. I'd get restless doing something book-y, unable to keep up with news. The Leaky Cauldron was like a living, breathing newspaper. In the long wait between wars, it was the perfect strategic point.

And, somehow, I thought there was at least some chance I'd be happy working there.

This was all assuming, of course, that I survived the first war.

"Peter?" Remus was asking.

Peter muttered something incoherent about Aurors and James and Sirius. Somehow, I doubted his chances in that profession.

"Guys," said James. He was studying his firewhiskey bottle with great intensity.

"What?" asked Sirius.

"I have to do it this year," James said faintly. "It's my last chance."

I tried not to laugh. We all knew what he was talking about.

"I dunno, Prongs," Sirius said. "I think you're setting yourself up to get rejected again."

"Maybe," said James. "But if I don't at least try, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

"That's a bit melodramatic there, don't you think?" asked Remus.

James shook his head. "No, it's not. I know it sounds crazy, but this is right. I've never wanted anything this much."

I wanted to tell him it would be fine, that he'd have won and married her within the next two years, but the familiar feeling of paralysis stole over me, and I couldn't speak.

"Well, you know what I think about this, mate," said Sirius. "But Evans and I have never exactly seen eye to eye. In fact, she probably won't do it just because I think it's a good idea."

Sadly, I had to agree with him. Lily was just as arrogant as James, in her own way. At least, I thought so.

Stumbling back to our dorms hours later was probably the most dangerous part of the expedition, detention-wise. We all made it, however, and I even managed to get about three hours sleep.

The next day was sort of my meeting day. I had a break before lunch, which I used to make a trip to the hospital wing.

Fortunately, there were only one or two occupants, victims of childish hexing in the halls. I found Madame Pomfrey in her office.

"What happened to you?" she demanded of me in an aggravated tone.

"I wanted to ask you about something," I said.

Her expression changed. She was now looking at me curiously. "Have a seat," she said crisply.

I was a little nervous about this. "I've been doing some thinking," I said. "This is my last year, which I'm sure you know, and...well, in here, I feel pretty safe, pretty well protected, because of you and Dumbledore and McGonagall and all the other teachers. But it won't always be like that, will it? Outside, there's a war on, and I think it'll be a little beyond my skills to avoid it."

She nodded. "Go on."

"Well," I said, "when we're out there, if something goes wrong, we won't always be able to get to hospital, will we? So I was wondering if, maybe, this year, you'd teach me some basic healing, so that I could be prepared."

I had to wait several minutes while she mulled that over. "If you want to be a healer," she said finally, "why not just apply to study at St. Mungos?"

I shook my head. "I don't want to be a healer. I just want to be able to take care of my friends, and myself, if the need arises."

"Dumbledore told me you were an odd one," she said, still studying me in a disconcerting manner. "Do you know anything at all about medicine?"

"My mom was a Muggle nurse," I told her. "I grew up learning how to treat basic injuries, especially since I had many of them myself. But I don't think that quite covers what I'll need to know."

"No, it doesn't," Madame Pomfrey sighed. "Well, I'd be happy to teach you, if in return you'd be willing to help out here in the hospital. It'll be good practice for you."

I smiled at her. "Thank you, and I don't mind helping out at all."

"Let's say, one day a week of lessons, one of practical work?" she suggested.

"Sounds great," I said.

"Come back here Wednesday then," she said. "As soon as dinner is over."

"I'll be here," I said. I got up and skipped happily to the door. "Thank you again, Madame Pomfrey!"

My other meeting was after dinner. A second year caught me on my way out of the Great Hall with a note from Dumbledore. It asked me to meet him in his office as soon as I was free, and told me the password.

I was slightly more concerned about this meeting than the last.

"How was your summer?" Dumbledore asked as I took a seat.

"Fantastic," I told him. "Thank you for letting me stay with the Potters."

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. I'm afraid I don't have much time, but I wanted to talk to you about your plans for after this year."

I quickly filled him in on Tom's offer and the training I'd set up with Madame Pomfrey.

"Very good," he said. I think he actually looked impressed. "Has your knowledge of the future affected these decisions at all?"

"Yes," I admitted. "But I tried to make it so that I wouldn't be too tempted to change anything, not that I can."

"And this saddens you," Dumbledore said knowingly. "I am sorry, Miss Thrace. This must be very difficult for you."

"You have no idea," I said.

"You are strong," he told me.

"And brave, apparently," I muttered, with an irritated glare at the Sorting Hat.

Dumbledore chuckled. "And brave."

"Sir," I said, after a moment. I wasn't sure I'd be able to ask this. "I wanted to ask you about the Order of the Phoenix."

He didn't really look surprised. I was, but I supposed by then it had to be established, so I wasn't really changing anything by mentioning it.

"You want to join."

"When the year is over, sir, if that's alright."

He sighed. "I'll have to give this some thought. I did want to recruit from this year's graduates, but your situation poses a bit of a problem."

"You said yourself I'd be unable to affect anything."

"You are quite right, however, like all decisions, it should not be made lightly." He smiled at me again. "Worry about your N.E.W.T.S. for now. About keeping Mr. Potter and Mr. Black out of trouble. When the years begins to close, we'll talk more about the Order."

"Thank you, sir," I said.

"You may go now," Dumbledore said.

I got up and was almost to the door when his voice came after me.

"Oh, and Miss Thrace?"

I turned. "Yes, sir?"

"Have a good term."

"Thank you, sir."

**Johanna Black**: I'm sorry, but there is a fair amount of angst to this story. Especially in later chapters.

**Morning-Sunset**: I'm glad you liked it! Funny thing is, I thought about cutting that scene, because I thought it all happened a bit fast. But then I realized it could still fit with Amortentia being about what attracts you the most (especially from Kara's end, lol) and with Kara's "Theory of Sirius," which you'll find out about later. To answer your questions, the next chapter has a lot to do with Lily. It's about time she and Kara got to know each other, I think, though it won't be smooth. As for matchmaking...well, just wait and find out.


	12. Make Me A Match

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Chapter title is from _Fiddler on the Roof._

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 11: Make Me A Match

The next few months passed by in a blur of studying, Quidditch, and bad news. None of this was so unusual, even the last part, but I couldn't help but be more aware of it. It was like the coming term was a thin veil between us and the nightmare that lay beyond.

Not all was doom and gloom, however. The Marauders were determined to go out with a bang, so there was the occasional "harmless prank." I have to give them credit. They had toned it down quite a bit. They still got into a fair amount of trouble, but they took care that it was never anything that could hurt anyone else. In fact, most of their schemes would be more accurately described as adventures than pranks.

This was mostly due to James. He had meant what he'd said in the Shrieking Shack. I think he was growing almost desperate by that point. He really wanted Lily to understand that he could grow up, that he'd change for her if he had to.

Personally, I thought that was a lot of nonsense. Sirius agreed.

"What is he thinking?" he asked one night, while we were sitting in front of the common room fire pretending to do homework.

I shrugged. "He's got it pretty bad. People do stupid things when they're in love."

"What about you? Would you change like that to get someone to notice you?"

"Nope," I told him. "Not a chance. If someone wants me, it'd better be for me."

"Good," he said.

"Maybe we'll get lucky, and he'll reverse-psychology her."

"What do you mean?"

"Instead of him tightening up, he'll pull that stick out of her ass."

I should probably explain how I felt about Lily. I had no problem with her– most of the time. She'd always been incredibly nice to me, minus the disapproving glance I got now and then after I started hanging out with the Marauders. The thing is though, I found her to be a little too _rigid_ for my tastes. She tended to get on people's cases a lot, act like she was better than them. Not that they didn't deserve it sometimes, but Lily had quite the temper, and it tended to cloud her judgement now and again.

I was pretty busy, all things considered. Madame Pomfrey had me hopping all over the hospital wing. I was learning fast, though it was all basic stuff. But that's what I wanted. More than anything, I wanted to be ready. I wanted to do as much as I could, which was pitifully little.

Most nights I turned in as soon as I no longer had anything productive to do. Sirius and James got a little annoyed at this, but Remus pointed out that, like them, I had N.E.W.T.s to study for, with the added jab that I was still behind the rest of them.

"What do you care about N.E.W.T.s for?" James wanted to know. "You're only going to work at the Leaky Cauldron."

"You're right," I said. "I can't believe I didn't think of it before. I might as well just blow off school entirely. See ya."

I had intended to leave in a huff, but Sirius pulled me back down into the seat next to him.

"All we want is you to loosen up a little," he said. "We're _all _stressed. Doesn't mean we can't have a little fun."

"What am I supposed to do? I have all this homework..."

"So do we!"

"And I refuse to copy off Remus."

Sirius laughed. "He won't let us anymore. Says he's too busy to be tutoring us on the side."

"Good for him."

The portrait hole opened. James head snapped up hopefully. He got lucky. It was Lily, along with Marlene and Mary, two of my other dorm mates.

Sirius frowned at James. "Prongs, man, you gotta snap out of it."

James was still staring at Lily. "There's another Hogsmead trip this weekend..."

He was right. It was the last one of the term too. Christmas was just around the corner.

The idea of a Hogsmead date, to me, was cliche enough to make me vomit. Particularly if it involved Madame Puddifoots. You wouldn't catch me dead in there. Then again, I'd never been asked, so it didn't matter.

"Who you taking this time?" I asked Sirius curiously.

He unenthusiastically muttered the name of some Ravenclaw. His attention was still captured by James, who looked about ready to launch out of his skin.

I sighed, irritated by the two of them. I hoped Lily would come around soon. This was getting annoying.

"I'm off to bed," I announced. Neither of them noticed.

_And I'm back to being invisible. Huzzah._

Caspian was curled up in the middle of my bed when I entered my dorm. He looked up briefly, stretched out a paw and yawned, then went back to sleep. I flopped down beside him, lying horizontally across the bed. I wasn't tired. My brain was too fuzzy to do homework.

After a little while, Lily came up. I still hadn't moved.

"Oh," she said when she saw me. "I think the boys are looking for you."

I rolled my eyes. "Let them look."

She shuffled about her own business for a bit, then sat down on her bed, the one next to mine.

"You look bored," she commented.

"Restless," I corrected.

"Me too," she sighed. "I should be doing homework, but I just can't think straight anymore."

I sat up, so I could face her properly.

"Is there a spell that'll fix the damage these exams do to our brains?" I asked.

"I certainly hope so," she laughed.

We were silent again. Caspian decided to relocate onto my lap. I scratched at his ears absentmindedly.

"Where did you get him?" Lily asked.

"James and Sirius gave him to me for my birthday," I told her.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You stayed at Potter's house for the summer, right?"

"Yep," I said.

"How was that?" she asked.

"Invigorating."

"I think Potter's going to ask me to go with him to Hogsmead again," she said after another minute.

There was something to how she said it. It wasn't resolve or defeat, but like she was wavering halfway in between.

"You're going to say yes," I said. It wasn't a question.

Lily looked at me sharply. "Of course not."

"Why not?" I asked, getting excited.

"I can't," she said. There was a note of dejection in her voice now.

"Because you don't like him?" I offered, now fully convinced it wasn't true.

She made a face, but didn't answer.

"Because you _do_ like him," I corrected myself needlessly. I couldn't help it. I was grinning now.

Lily snatched up a pillow, buried her face in it, and screamed. From my lap, Caspian looked up in alarm.

I was trying very hard not to laugh at her.

"You can't tell anyone!" she said suddenly, coming up from her goose feather-y refuge.

"I won't have to!" I said. "James will be so ecstatic when you tell him, the entire school will know in the same instant!"

Her face drained of its color. "I'm not going to tell him!"

"Why not?" I asked. My former annoyance with her was coming back.

"Because...well, because he's been asking me out for so long, and I've always said no. If I say yes now it'll be like..."

"Like you've finally come to your senses," I said ungraciously.

She looked crestfallen. "I know to you it must seem like I've been unfair. But Potter's just so _arrogant_."

"Well, so are you!" I said.

_I would make the world's worst diplomat._

"I am _not_ like Potter," she said angrily.

"Yes you are," I retorted, having handed caution over to the care of a nice, steady breeze. "You're just as arrogant as he is."

"No, I'm not."

"Then what's holding you back, if not pride?"

I had her there. Lily stared at me, her mouth open for a rebuttal.

"I..." she said after a minute.

"That's right," I said, satisfied.

Now, I know I can't take credit for what happened after. I mean, a) it was obviously going to happen anyway, b) I couldn't change things, so it's not like my words had any real effect, and c) Lily deserves a little credit of her own. She was growing up too.

James reacted much as expected. He asked her after dinner one evening, then met us up at the common room. When he came in, his face was brighter than it had been all term. He rushed over to us, pulled Moony into a hug, kissed Sirius and I on the cheek, and slapped Peter on the back so hard he fell off his stool.

"Sorry, Wormtail," James said, helping him up. He couldn't stay apologetic for long. "I have the best news!"

"Voldemort's been defeated?" I asked.

"N.E.W.T.s have been canceled?" asked Remus.

"They're decided to revoke the law against the misuse of Muggle artifacts?" asked Sirius hopefully.

"Lily agreed to go out with me!" he cried, ignoring all of us.

As can be expected, there was a stunned silence.

"Prongs, I'll be right back," Sirius said. "I think I need to wash out my ears."

"It's all the dog hair," I told him.

"I'm serious!" James said. "She's coming with me to Hogsmead next weekend!"

There was no mistaking the utter jubilance on his face. Nothing, nothing in James' world at least, could have caused that, save the event he claimed.

So we gave up our incredulous teasing and congratulated him.

I overheard Sirius whisper a few lewd suggestions in his ear.

There was no homework for any of us that night. James' delight was contagious, so we took ourselves up to their dormitory for a private party.

Remus walked me back to my stairwell when we were done.

"What about you?" he asked me before I could retreat into the darkness. It was very late.

"What about me?" I said in response.

"Well, do you still fancy Sirius?"

I moved into the light so he could get a good look at me, understand that I was resolved, and so I could be sure he got the message.

"Yes, but I think it's probably best if I let that go."

He nodded understandingly, but his eyes looked sad. "Just for now, right?"

I smiled. "For now, yes. Don't you think that's best?"

Remus sighed. "I do, but...I don't know...There's something there. Even James said so."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter, Remus. Neither of us are built for what James and Lily have."

That night, as I lay staring up at the unyielding top of my four-poster, all I could think was how quickly seventh year was going by.

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Well, I'm glad you can be patient, because you're going to have to wait a while! Although not as long as Kara and Sirius, poor kids. I have that kiss planned for a very pivotal moment. Most of it is already in my head, and I have to ask it to shelve itself until I get to that chapter. Now, I've been waiting for someone to ask me questions along those lines...Kara _is_ sixteen, now, in a physical sense. When she left home she was some undefined college age. I wanted her to be a little more emotionally mature than a sixteen-year old normally would be, so she could handle some of the challenges better and, well, quieter. As for her real name, that, like her appearance, will never be mentioned. This is partly because of how she eventually comes to view her life in Harry's world as her actual life, and partly so maybe people can relate to her better. And also because I couldn't be bothered to come up with an actual name.

Seventh year is actually going to go by pretty quickly. I hadn't expected that, but I don't have that much to say about it. What happened to the Marauders during that year, such as James and Lily's budding romance, is their story. I'm writing Kara's.

Thank you all so much for reading!


	13. The Deluge

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Lyrics are from "I Am A Poor Wayfaring Stranger." There are lines taken from _The Order of the Phoenix_ and _The Deathly Hallows_ (or I Corinthians 15, since JKR borrowed it from there).

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 12: The Deluge

Just like that, it was over. The last days of happiness, the last bastion against the coming storm had crumpled, and we were standing exposed on the brink.

Seventh year hadn't even ended when it happened. Our N.E.W.T.s were still waiting, and we were, for all intents and purposes, still children. (Well, they were, anyway. I was still wavering somewhere between who I was and who I used to be.)

As I think back over that year, not a lot of _events_ really stick out. Sure, there was Lily and James' first date, their first kiss. (No, I wasn't there. James gave us a good account afterwards. I'd call him a git for doing so if I didn't know it was just because he was so happy.) There was the time that Peter lost the Marauder's Map to Filch. (I thought of Fred and George finding it with glee.) Moony's last full moon at Hogwarts. Christmas. Pranks. Trips to Hogsmead.

But what I really remember the most are _moments_, or images. I remember the firelight reflecting off of Sirius' face in the Gryffindor common room. I remember the grounds covered in snow for Christmas. James' face after Lily told him she loved him. Studying in the library with Remus when we just couldn't take the others slacking off anymore. Tea with Hagrid.

I stored these flashes up in a special cupboard in my mind. Every now and then, when I felt I could not longer make it, when the walls of my own making were pressing in on my brain, when it all just hurt too much, I brought them out and looked at them. They brought me through the first war, reminded me what we were fighting for. They got me through Sirius' imprisonment.

The bad times, those awful, awful moments when everything seemed to zero in on me, are perfectly clear. I saw the world as a long hallway, like train tracks vanishing in the distance. Only I was the focal point, the distance. Everything around me spread out and blurred. Those times I remember vividly.

The first hit came in May.

Dinner was long over. It was probably about eleven o'clock. Most of the lower years had gone to bed, so there weren't many witnesses. We were all there: James, Sirius, Lily, Remus, Peter, myself. Remus, Lily, and I were attempting a Potions essay. It probably would have taken less time if we hadn't been enjoying ourselves so much.

I don't remember what we were talking about. It's another one of those image-memories, like a music video, or in a movie when the soundtrack swells and the visual slows. Colors, shapes, expressions, they all stand out. The actual meat of what is going on does not.

McGonagall came in. That was a bad sign. The common room is the province of the students, and teachers rarely come in, relying on the prefects to keep order.

Her eyes told us a lot more than anything else. They were red and puffy, though perfectly dry. Her face was tight, the jaw stiff. But her eyes held none of the same severity. They were wide and full of pity.

She spoke only to James. "Potter," she said. "You need to come with me."

I remember him glancing uncertainly at Sirius before following her. He looked scared. But he wasn't in Gryffindor for nothing. He left the common room with his back straight and his head held high, ready to meet whatever was coming.

The rest of us didn't have the mercy of concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. We were left to wait.

I remember the feeling of uncertainty that stole over me. For once in my Harry's world life, I had no idea what was happening. My knowledge wasn't this specific. There was nothing about this in the books.

If I had taken the time to review what I _did_ know, I might have been a little better prepared.

James came back an hour later. He looked rather like McGonagall had. He was normally such an open, caring person. Seeing the anger, the grief that defined his features that night was agony in and of itself. But I couldn't look away.

I don't think I would have been able to talk if it was me. I give him a lot of credit that he could.

"He went after my parents," he said. His hands were balled at his sides, and he looked as though he was trying very hard not to cry.

I was sitting on the floor, leaning against the armchair that Sirius occupied. I felt him stiffen.

"They're dead," James continued. His voice shook.

How do you say something like that? How do you tell people? No matter how you tell them, it must sound wrong, insensitive, to say it.

After years of having to relay bad news to people, I still don't know how we did it.

James had spoken his speech to Sirius. As his best friend, his near-brother, who lived with him and knew his parents better than anyone else in the room, Sirius was the logical choice to tell this news to first. But it was Lily that rushed to James' side upon hearing it.

I saw her enfold him in her arms, saw her lips moving, whispering words it didn't matter that I never heard, saw her lead him from the common room. Perhaps when they were alone he finally broke down.

I looked up and saw Sirius watching them. I saw him frozen, about to get out of his seat, unnoticed by James. His face was stricken.

And I knew that, in a way, he felt he had lost more than Mr. and Mrs. Potter that night.

We didn't speak. We didn't go back to our studies. The shadows lengthened as the fire died. One by one people trickled off to their beds.

The last to leave, Remus leaned over to whisper in my ear, "Don't leave him alone." He inclined his head at Sirius, who had not heard. Remus' eyes were severe as they bored into me.

I nodded. _I promise._

And then there were two.

It was a long, silent vigil. The fire crackled and died away completely. I was shivering. But I couldn't leave him.

I wondered if he was waiting for James, making sure he wasn't needed.

I wished I could do something, anything.

At some obscure hour, he noticed I was still there.

"You're cold," he said without feeling.

I didn't answer. My personal discomfort didn't matter, but I didn't feel like lying.

"Kara?" His voice cracked.

My part in this story was never to do much more than observe. But as long as I had to be there, I was going to be there as fully as I could.

I stood up, let the books I hadn't even bothered to close fall from my lap. I took Sirius by the hand, pulled him to his feet.

I led him a couple feet aside to a couch where we could sit down together. He was obedient, and when we had settled I wrapped both my arms about his shoulders. What else was there?

_You're not alone._

He encircled my waist with his arms, rested his head against me.

I tried to think of comforting words, reassurances from half-forgotten sermons.

_The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death._

I didn't cry, but there was a pressure in the back of my eyes as we sat or lay there. I wondered what it would take to bring down the dam. Unbidden, or perhaps only subconsciously called forth, fragments of an old song drizzled into my mind:

_I'm only going over Jordan,_

_I'm only going over home._

I wrapped my arms tighter around Sirius and closed my eyes.

None of us went to classes the next day. I think the news must have spread around the school somehow, because after breakfast (which none of us had attended, Remus and I had instead snuck down to the kitchens for something to feed the others with), no one came near us.

We spent the morning in front of the common room fire, quiet and content to be avoided.

I have no idea what time James and Lily got in. Sirius and I were woken up by Remus at about eight, and he told us they had gone to their separate dorms to shower.

Showering is so mundane. But maybe it's those little rituals that keep us human.

After the lunch hour, a third year found us with a message from Dumbledore. He wanted James, Sirius, and I in his office.

All the way up there I wondered why I was going. If it was just the usual post horrible announcement check-up, Dumbledore could have left me out of it. I hadn't even known the Potters for a year. My grief was insignificant.

Once in the headmaster's office, we were all three given chairs in front of the desk.

Dumbledore had the look of a man who knows whatever he can say will not do.

Sirius, for no apparent reason, looked ready for a fight.

James looked...well, it was hard to describe. There was no sign of crying now, no recognizable stamp of distress, just...Well, he looked like he had just run across his worst nightmare, and, no longer afraid, had decided to destroy it.

"James, Sirius," said Dumbledore, uncharacteristically using their first names. "I want to say again how very sorry I am. If you need time, if you need to set affairs in order, I will see that you are given the necessary grace from your teachers."

"Time won't fix this," James said. His voice was dead.

Dumbledore sighed. "I know."

"Why?" Sirius said. "Why did they do this? Why them?"

"I do not know the particulars," Dumbledore said. "Like many, James' parents worked hard to fight the rise of Voldemort. I can't be certain why he chose to go after them now. Perhaps it was just a random attack, an attempt to destroy an enemy before it can grow any stronger.

"Many have died," he added, almost as an afterthought.

"What can I do?" James asked suddenly.

Sirius and I stared at him.

Dumbledore frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You said my parents worked against him, against...Voldemort," James said boldly. "I want to do the same."

_Born to parents who have defied him three times..._the book had said.

_And so it begins._

Dumbledore, I noticed, was watching James very carefully.

"Do you know what you're asking?" he asked finally.

"Yes," said James.

"Very well," said Dumbledore. "See me after your exams."

"That's a whole month..." James began to protest.

"Yes, I know, but it is a whole month you will need to prepare, to be sure this is what you want to do," said Dumbledore. "After that you will have completed your exams, will be ready to join the ranks of those who fight in the world."

"I wanted to be an Auror," James said. "I don't think I can wait that long."

Dumbledore did not smile. "I wish you _could _wait that long." He turned to Sirius. "What about you?"

"Where James goes, I go," said Sirius without hesitation. James looked at him gratefully. It was the first true attention he'd given him since telling him the news. I know then that things would be alright between them.

"Very well, you may both see me after graduation," Dumbledore concluded. "You may return to your common room. Do not worry about classes today, tomorrow either, but I would ask that you remain, as much as possible, in each other's company. Miss Thrace, if you would remain behind a moment."

"Don't wait for me," I told them as they walked out. When they were gone, I turned to Dumbledore, feeling daring. "Are you going to make me wait until after graduation?"

He nearly smiled. "Yes. But I wanted to see if your determination was the same."

"If it has changed at all, it's only that it has grown," I told him.

"And you are ready for what is to come?"

"More so than you are."

"Your knowledge will not be a burden?"

I laughed without mirth. "You know quite well that it will very much be a burden. But I will not abandon my friends when they need me."

"You care for them very much."

"I do."

_And it will hurt all the more because of it._

**Morning-Sunset**: Peter, of course! :-P Just kidding. Remus. :)

**Jillie**: I loath pretty little cheerleaders.

Oh, the angst!

If I'm really honest, I'm not happy with the last chapter. It felt forced. But I really felt I needed another light chapter before plunging headfirst into the war.

Once again, you all have my undying gratitude.


	14. Recruitment

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 13: Recruitment

"It's going to take more than courage to survive what's coming."

– _Dune_

"I'll take it."

The room was small, unsuited for customers. There was no furniture, and the fire was pitifully small. It would be cold in winter. It had a musty air to it, probably due to its long disuse.

But when I opened the window, and the wind swept through it, it felt like home.

I turned to grin at Tom. He must have thought I was crazy.

When I'd come to him to tell him I would take the job, he'd asked me where I was living. I'd told him that I didn't know. My plan had been to stay with the Potters until I had enough money to get my own place, but James had sold their house as soon as he could make the arrangements. He had found his own flat in London.

Actually, so had Sirius. I was a bit surprised at first to hear he was living alone, but he was doing well, and usually we all ended up at the same place for the night anyway.

So my first order of business open completion of my academic endeavor had been to entirely disregard it.

And that's how I found myself in a small, out-of-the-way room that Tom would never let a customer see, as conveniently close to work as I could possibly get.

I looked around at the floor, bare except for a moldy old mattress.

_I need a bookshelf..._

I spent the first night by myself. I didn't feel much like company. Caspian curled up next to me on the mattress as I read.

My friends and I had been nigh inseparable over the last month. Much as I loved them, I was glad to have this time alone. And it was really nice to have my own space again.

My first day was very nearly a disaster. I dropped three trays, mixed up several drinks, and offended numerous customers. Throughout it all, Tom laughed and kindly picked up after me.

I was a mess by the end of the night, when I sat just inside the kitchen door on a barstool, trying to catch my breath and not think about the myriad of disasters that ensued simply from my being around people.

_This is why I'm usually better off by myself._

Both the outer kitchen door and the one that led out to the common gathering room were open to allow air flow. It was summer, after all, and it could get hot when there were ovens and stoves going all day.

I could hear snatches of conversations trickling in.

"Who's the cheeky new waitress?"

"Kara Thrace. Just finished at Hogwarts."

"American?"

"Right down to her mixed blood, no doubt."

Great. So I had the double prejudice of being racially and magically blended.

_They might as well just paint a target on my head that says, "ten points if you hit the Mudblood."_

Tom dismissed me shortly after, and I crawled up to my little room.

It was already occupied.

"Surprise!" cried James, grinning broadly at me.

"How was your first day?" asked Remus.

"You smell divine!" said Sirius, inhaling deeply.

I was covered in food stains, sweat, and various forms of alcohol.

"What's all this?" I asked, shoving a sticky strand of hair out of my face.

"This, love, is your house-warming party," declared Sirius. "And, err, furnishing committee." He looked around at the disastrously empty vacuum that was my place of residence.

_Okay, I don't remember inviting the guys from Queer Eye or Trading Spaces._

"Hey, I like it this way," I told him. "It looks bigger without furniture."

"All the same," said James, picking up a small bag. "We brought a few things we thought you might need." He rubbed his hands together. "Where to start? Ah, yes."

The bag must have had one of those Mary Poppins enchantments on it, because a ridiculous amount of impossibly sized stuff came out of it.

The first object out was a table.

"For, um, table-ing," explained James. "What else is there?" He dug a little more, and came out with a chair.

"Just one," said Sirius, "because if you're not eating on the go downstairs, you'd better be with us."

"That's right," said James. "We have a policy to maintain."

"Of making your meals as entertaining as possible," said Sirius.

Next came some candles.

"Lily sent those," said Remus.

"Bit ridiculous really," said Sirius. "What does she need to see for?"

Then came the thing I_ really_ needed.

"Eh, this was Remus' idea–" James started to say. "Hey!"

I had thrown my arms around Remus' neck, much to his astonishment.

"You know you're smarter than the rest of them put together," I told him.

"I didn't get a hug for the table!" James complained.

"If you can go the rest of the night without whining, I'll give you a hug for that," I said.

"Let's just hope it's big enough," Sirius said doubtfully, kicking my bookshelf.

"Hey!" I cried protectively. "Be nice. The stability of my life depends on that thing being intact."

I picked it up with ease and set it against the wall.

"Looks good there," said Remus.

"Thank you," I said.

"Enough of that," said James. "I brought you some blankets from my parents' house, although now I'm thinking a new mattress wouldn't hurt..." He frowned. "Kara?"

"Yes?"

"This place is a dump."

I laughed. "You think so, Potter?"

"I'm not sure how comfortable I am..."

I smiled at his protectiveness. "I'll be fine, James. I promise."

"I don't like it either," said Sirius.

I raised an eyebrow at him. But he didn't try to lecture me. He knew me too well, I suppose.

"Just do me one favor," he said. "Check in every day, even if you just send me an owl that says, 'Hey, made it through lunch without getting arrested and/or fired.'"

I flinched, thinking of my shift earlier.

"That bad?" Remus asked.

I nodded. "I'm really not cut out to work with people."

"You just say what's on your mind," Sirius said. "That's why we like you."

"And I'll wager that's why Tom hired you," pointed out Remus.

"Dinner and a show?"

"Something like that."

I sighed, not sure how I felt about being the entertainment.

"Change of subject," said James. He seemed to have developed a talent for steering us away from awkward silences.

"Everyone ready for tomorrow?" I asked, knowing it wouldn't help the situation.

The air in the room got noticeably thicker.

"Our oath-taking," said Remus.

"The Order of the Phoenix," said James.

"Voldemort's a right bastard," said Sirius.

"Right then," said Remus when the mood didn't lighten. "We'll see you tomorrow then. You've got the morning shift, right Kara?"

"Yep."

"Shall I meet you here then? We can go to Headquarters together."

"Didn't know you were running an escort service now."

He scowled. "Kara, stop it. Just because we're out of school now doesn't mean we all branch out and do our own thing. Stop trying to brush us off."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. I just...It's easier."

Sirius shook his head. "I'd think by now you'd have learned it's easier to give in. We'll keep bothering you till you come round."

"You're impossible."

"So stop fighting me. Goodnight, love." He reached to wrap one arm around my shoulders, hugging me sideways. James came over to hug me full-on.

"Take care," he said.

"I'll see you tomorrow, James," I pointed out in exasperation. Why were they being like this?

Remus patted me on the shoulder and offered me a soft smile.

Sometimes it's nice to be alone.

But it's also nice to have friends who care enough to bring you second-hand furniture.

I lay down under my newly-acquired blankets and pulled Caspian to me. I don't know who fell asleep first.

The next day's shift wasn't so bad. I only spilled drinks this time, no food, and several of the customers actually laughed at my snide remarks.

Tom handed me a handful of Sickles as I was about to head upstairs to change.

I stared at him, confused.

"Your tips," he explained.

Tips? Maybe this job wasn't so bad after all.

When a fresher me bounded down the stairs half an hour later, Remus was waiting for me.

"Ready?" he asked when we were out of earshot of the pub.

"Define ready."

Headquarters was, at that time, at Hogwarts. Only during Order meetings, a special password was used to get into Dumbledore's office. Only Order members knew it, and I think even with it, the gargoyle was smart enough to keep non-members out.

It was a strange gathering indeed.

I stood awkwardly with my friends, feeling fidgety and young. We were among the few recruits just out of Hogwarts, but I recognized a few people I knew.

My eye was caught, briefly, by a pair of twins standing at the back, across the room. They were tall, lanky, with brilliant red hair. I tossed about in my mind for a name.

Prewett.

These were Molly Weasley's brothers, Gideon and Fabian, the ones it had taken five death eaters to take down, the best wizards of their time.

All of a sudden it struck me that I was standing in a room full of heros.

The wizarding Justice League. No radioactive spiders, government experiments, or scandalous rubber suits. Just a couple of wands and raw courage.

I needed an anchor, something to keep me afloat, or I was going to be overpowered by the strangeness of it all. I took a step back, thinking to shrink into the confines of my group of friends, to go unnoticed.

I bumped into Sirius. I jumped a little, stared up at him. He looked down at me, unsmiling, his face a perfectly mask of gravity. But he slipped his hand into mine, giving it a little squeeze.

I felt steady all of a sudden. Everything was okay, even though it wasn't.

And I suddenly wished I could rely on Sirius to be my anchor. He was always there, any time I needed him. I never even had to ask.

The trouble with anchors is that they can be pulled loose. Or they can be cast overboard by meddling Death Eaters. Or betrayed by the friends that are holding _them_ in place.

Anchors can't be relied upon. If you're going out to sea, learn how to swim.


	15. The Engagement

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) I may have stolen a line from the Foo Fighters, or whoever originally did that song. And Mussolini.

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 14: The Engagement

It took me about a week to get the rhythm of the pub. It took a lot longer than that to feel like I belonged in the Order of the Phoenix.

Our job description, when it came to the Order, was simple: defend the innocent. The trouble was, a lot of innocent people needed defending. This meant that when I wasn't on the clock at the Cauldron, I was on call for the Order. I had to be ready to leave at a moment's notice.

Not really, though. I mean, there were missions and stuff. Dumbledore was trying to keep tabs on Voldemort's movements, so there was a lot of spy work. But most of that ended up getting dished out to more experienced Order members. As for my on-call Justice League work, well, the problem with that was we usually found out about attacks _after_ they happened. There would be no word until the Muggles or Muggle-borns were already dead, and some old lady had found them lying in the street.

Sometimes there was no finding. Sometimes people just disappeared.

I felt maddeningly useless.

Autumn passed. I got a new mattress.

Christmas passed. Sirius and I spent it with James.

By January I had sludged into the routine of my post-Hogwarts life.

One night I was working at the Leaky Cauldron. It was slow. There were a few scattered customers sitting at tables, most of them talking in low voices. Dedalus Diggle was sitting at the bar, my only companion.

I scrubbed glasses with a dry cloth as I talked to him.

"Did you see the paper this morning?" he asked.

"Papers are for people who aren't already more in the know than they'd like to be," I told him.

"Mad Eye's been noticing a pattern," he said.

I paused, mid-rub.

"Less disappearances, more deaths."

"He's picking us off," I whispered.

Diggle nodded. "It's the easiest way, really. We're outnumbered."

My hand returned to rubbing the glass, but my mind drifted. I had been desperately trying to recall all I could from the books about the first war.

Suddenly I wondered why I was even bothering. It wouldn't help.

The bell on the front door jingled. It was Remus. He came over and sat down at the counter with a heavy sigh.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite gentleman caller," I said in my best fake Southern accent. "What can I get you?"

"Solidarity," he said glumly.

"Mm, will that be on the rocks?"

"Whatever."

I gave Diggle an apologetic look, tossed my towel over my shoulder, and went to get Remus a firewhiskey.

I leaned across the counter while he drank it.

"What's up, Moony?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Just the usual. And James is jumpy for some reason, which of course has Sirius all worked up."

"Sometimes I think those two share a brain," I said, rolling my eyes.

"I just needed to get away from them for a bit," Remus said. "Does that make me a bad friend?"

"I feel the need to get away from the entire human population sometimes. Does that make me a bad person?"

Remus smiled. "You never seem to mind when Sirius follows you."

I thought about this. "You're right. I don't. I think it's because he doesn't try to talk to me."

The last few customers were beginning to filter out. Dedalus tipped his hat to me as he climbed down from the barstool, which wavered precariously under the movement.

"Have a goodnight, Kara, Remus," he said as he left.

I refilled Remus' glass, then set about cleaning the common area. I wiped down the tables, set the chairs on top of them, and swept the floor. Tom had taken the night off. It was up to me to close up.

"Nearly midnight," Remus remarked.

"Past your bedtime?"

He chuckled.

I heard the bell again. This time it was Sirius.

"Closing time?" he asked.

_I know who _I _want to take me home._

"Technically, we're open all night," I said, dimming the lights. "Just in case."

He grinned. "That's what I love about this place." He sat down next to Remus. "Hey, you left!"

"You were being annoying," Remus growled.

"Since when does that warrant abandonment?"

"You chose your fate."

"Hello, Peter," I said politely as the bell jingled again, and he walked in.

"Wormtail!" said Sirius. "What are you doing here?"

"James flooed me and asked me to meet him," Peter said, looking confused.

"Well, I'm off," said Remus, downing the rest of his drink.

"Don't drink and apparate," I told him sternly.

"He said to make sure you lot were here," said Peter.

Sirius and I exchanged a look.

He held up his hands. "I have no idea. He was all twitchy this morning, like he had flobberworms in his pants, but he wouldn't tell me anything."

"So Sirius decided to try and wheedle it out of him," Remus said.

"Which didn't work," I supplied.

"Sure it did!" said Sirius. "Only not as intended. I ended up wheedling Moony right out of the house."

I shook my head at them. "Well, I hope he shows up soon. I'm on call tonight."

"Not that we ever get to do anything," Sirius muttered.

"Not true," said Remus.

We all turned to look at him. He picked up his glass again and looked at me hopefully. I refilled it, then waited while he swallowed half of it.

"The two of you," he said, pointing at Sirius and I, "have a mission tomorrow night. I don't know much about it. Dumbledore said to tell you he'd contact you tomorrow."

"You might have mentioned this earlier!"

"Well, Padfoot, you were getting on my nerves."

The bell went off again, this time loudly, followed by the door slamming. A very excited James tore over to us.

"Firewhiskey! Ale! Butterbeer! No, not butterbeer, something stronger. Come on, Kara!" he cried. "Drinks all around on me!" He stood in between Sirius and Remus, an arm around each of them.

"Careful there, Prongs," I warned him. "They're none too happy with you at the moment."

Sirius turned to him in exasperation. "What is with you today, mate?"

James swigged down his shot before answering. "I'm engaged."

There was a crash.

"Peter!" I yelled. I threw a towel at him.

Sirius was staring at James, his mouth open. His eyes were wide and filled with light. "You're what?"

"Engaged. To Miss Lily Evans. Soon to be Mrs. Lily Potter." James' smile was so broad I thought he was going to wrench his face open.

Sirius let out a whoop of joy. Remus abandoned his moodiness long enough to clap James encouragingly on the back. Peter awkwardly handed me back my towel, now soaked and filled with bits of glass.

I poured another round of shots. "James," I said, beaming. "I can't tell you how happy I am for you."

He grinned at me. "Thank you. I...I think this may be the best moment of my life."

"That's supposed to be the actual wedding," said Remus.

"Or the night after," said Sirius.

James turned his sly grin to him now. "You'll be my best man, right?"

"I was actually hoping for flower girl."

**JenCarpeDiem**: Here you go. I feel like a drug dealer.

**Morning-Sunset**: Oh, I have a soft spot for James as well, especially after that prequel.

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Imagination was the idea. Although I'm kinda curious to know what people think she looks like. Maybe I should make that a general question when I'm done writing this. As for James' parents dying, I wasn't happy about it either, but I knew they weren't around when Harry was born, but they lived through James' years at Hogwarts, and I needed something to launch everyone into the Order. We've hit the point in the story where things are going to get pretty angsty, so be prepared for that.

**AudioAesthetic**: Thank you. That's exactly what I was going for. Plus, I think with Lily's temper and Kara's sarcasm, they would clash a little bit regardless. Now, about Peter. Since Kara made the decision to ignore him, and this is largely from her point of view, she's not going to talk about him much. Yes, he is around, but I was kind of going with the idea that the others picked up on her dislike for him, and therefore if it's about her (like her house-warming party), they just don't bother to bring him. He doesn't really like her either, so it's not a big deal. But I also realize that, as a Marauder, he does have a significant part in the lives of Sirius, James, and Remus, so your point is well taken. Which is why he's in this chapter, for example. There are times when he is there, like the first Order meeting, I never intended to cut him out of that, but Kara just doesn't mention him because she's not thinking about him at the time. That make sense?

I hope you're all proud of me. I was up at 4:30am yesterday for work, and I saw _The Incredible Hulk_ (which may account for all the superhero references), and I still managed to get up two chapters.

I'm in a rather lousy mood too, due to my exboyfriend emailing me. He wants his Playstation back, but without actually having to see me. My friend wants me to keep it or sell it, but I was thinking of showing up at his job and chucking it at his head. What do you think?

I'm sorry this chapter is short. I'm going to try to get another one up before the day is out.

Grazie a loro.


	16. Back To Back

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 15: Back to Back

Stake-outs are boring. Especially if you're of the wizarding persuasion. Because then you don't have any fancy computers, and you can't sit in a nice soundproof van. No, you have to be outside, perfectly still, and _quiet_.

And there's no donuts.

Okay, I don't really care about the donuts.

Sirius and I had parked it on top of a low building just inside a small town in Derbyshire. We had been there for hours, and my back was starting to ache from being stationary. We had donned Disillusionment Charms before leaving Hogsmead, but that was no guarantee we would go unnoticed.

We were supposed to be watching for any Death Eater activity. They had been particularly active in this region lately, and certain members of the Order were beginning to wonder if Voldemort's disposal of Muggle-borns was more systematic than originally speculated. I thought this was stretching it a bit. Voldemort would never stick to a plan that could be that easily figured out. I'm pretty sure Dumbledore agreed, but it was all we had to go on.

So Sirius and I were out, in the rain, waiting. I was starting to think the war was just one long line at the bank. You'd think it was your turn, and then the teller would go about some other business, disappearing for at least five minutes, after every other customer in front of you had had nine extremely complicated transactions.

Right before we had set out, I had pulled Dumbledore aside.

"How is this gonna work?" I had asked.

He frowned at me. "What do you mean?"

"Well, am I even going to be useful to anyone? Or am I just going to stand there frozen?"

He studied me carefully. People do that a lot, I've noticed. It's like they're trying to pull some hidden meaning from what I'm saying. I don't know why. I'm very straightforward.

Maybe that's what throws them.

"I have given this some thought," he said finally. "Does your knowledge extend to every specific detail, or is it merely general?"

"It depends," I said. "Right now it's more the latter."

He nodded. "Then I think what you don't know, you will be able to function as a normal part of. Remember, just by being here, you have made things different."

I hadn't ever thought of it like that. Probably because the difference was irrelevant.

Now I was crouched against a chimney peering out at a street which might or might not be the scene of a forthcoming disturbance.

I shoved a dripping strand of hair out of my face, and tried not to sigh.

A sudden movement at my side startled me. Sirius was kneeling beside me.

"It's nearly five," he said. That was the time our patrol was supposed to end. I let out my carefully withheld sigh, inaudibly. Whether it was in relief or exasperation, I don't know.

We waited like that for ten more minutes, both of us watching the same direction this time.

The rain seemed to create a space between us. I was still alert to the tension, the aggravation seeping off of him. He had wanted a fight. But I was prevented from sympathizing, trapped in my own sense of duty. Job first, personal emotion later.

When our time was up, he took hold of my upper arm and drew me slowly to a standing position. My muscles murmured at the movement. I decided a bubble bath was in order when I got back to the Leaky Cauldron.

Sirius let go of my arm and turned. I only hesitated a fraction of a second. The sheets of rain that separated us, the careful vigilance that kept us in our separate worlds, allowed us to flow out of sync that much, so that when he turned my body did not automatically follow.

If it had, I might never had seen them. That eighth or so of a millisecond was all it took.

I reached back, seizing his wrist, felt him turn back and bristle.

Below, in the street, were two masked and cloak figures.

I couldn't believe our luck. I let go of Sirius' wrist to grip my wand. We had them.

And then I saw what they were doing, and my stomach turned over.

We really were on the edge of town. It was the rough sort of edge of town that everyone avoids, or at least says they avoid.

In cities, they call it the ghetto. In cookie-cutter suburban communities they call it nonexistent, so it becomes their high schools, in edgy in-between communities it's the train tracks.

In this sleep little hollow, it was probably about three blocks, but those three blocks meant there was no one around to help.

No one but me and Sirius.

In what was probably a stunning display of agility, Sirius and I sprang down from the roof.

"_STUPIFY_!" Sirius yelled, already ahead of me. One of the cloaked figures ducked as red light illuminated the street.

The other figure straightened. His wand arm raised...

"_Expelliarmus_!" I screamed, instinctively and pathetically.

The wand disappeared. I heard it clatter somewhere next to me.

"_Expelliarmus_!" came an answering call from the Death Eater Sirius had just missed stunning. My wand also vanished, but whoever it was had no time to contemplate this, as Sirius was upon him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the Muggle the Death Eaters had been tormenting scamper away.

_I really am an idiot._

How many times had Harry been told _not _to do that?

The figure I was facing off against loomed up before me. I never found out who it was, but at the time I was convinced Andre the Giant had to be under there.

A huge fist came at me. I ducked and spun out of the way. A Death Eater? Fighting Muggle style? This, I could handle.

Despite all the time I had spent in the wizarding world, I was still considerably better at fist-fighting than magical defense. A few martial arts classes and a propensity to attract bullies at school had taught me that lesson.

You'd think Regulus would have warned them.

I fell to the ground in a sort of push-up position. I tucked one of my legs beneath me, then swung up and out. It caught the Death Eater in the jaw, and he went staggering to the side. I jumped up, my brain caught up with the rest of me, and I scanned the wet ground for my wand.

I wasn't quick enough. The Death Eater had found his wand. He was on me then, pushing me down into a pile of rubbish.

His hand closed around my throat, its brother held the wand tip against the bridge of my nose.

"Shall I kill you as my people do, or yours?" a cold voice hissed. I thought I heard an impossibly cruel laugh.

I think the most annoying thing about it was that I couldn't see his face. He was wearing that stupid, terrifying mask, and I couldn't look into his eyes to see his reaction.

Even as he was (I'm sure) grinning maliciously at me from behind the mask, even as my life was in danger of being simultaneously squeezed and hexed away, my hands were working. They fumbled in the pockets of my jeans, searching.

My fingers touched my pocketknife, wrenched it out of my soaked and unyielding jeans.

I heard it flick open, saw the Death Eater's head move a fraction towards the sound.

And I jabbed the blade into his wand arm.

His answering howl shattered the rain-encased night. I rolled out from under him.

It didn't matter that I couldn't see his face. I could _feel_ the anger rippling off of him, a shock wave of fury in the air around me.

He raised his injured wand arm. I was too far away to do anything now. I was defenseless.

"_Aveda_–"

"_Stupefy!_!"

I am _so _lucky that curse word is shorter.

He crumpled to the ground.

Now occupying the same line of sight was Sirius, sopping wet and seething.

I've never seen him so angry. He looked almost insane.

_Three billion guys in the world, and I end up with Bruce Banner._

Farther down the alleyway, I could see the other Death Eater also lying motionless.

Sirius looked at me. His expression had not cooled. "We need to get Mad-Eye," he said. "Where's your wand?"

All business. I set about finding my wand, while he contacted the Order. The Aurors were there in minutes, Dumbledore as well.

"What happened?" he asked us, once the Death Eaters had been taken into custody.

"They had a Muggle with them," said Sirius. "He got away."

Dumbledore yelled for Mad-Eye, told him to have a team search the area. "We need to make sure he's not hurt," he said. "Are you both alright?"

"A little shaken," I admitted. I didn't say that what shook me the most was Sirius' countenance. The anger was still there.

Dumbledore placed a hand on my shoulder reassuringly. "You have done quite enough for tonight. I am sorry to say I will need to ask you to do it again."

"We're ready," Sirius assured him.

Dumbledore nodded. "Take her home, will you, Sirius? I'll contact you when I need you again."

Sirius took me by the arm and led me away. Once a good distance from the mass of Aurors who still crowded the scene, he pulled me against him and turned on the spot. We reappeared on the street just outside the Leaky Cauldron.

Once inside my little apartment, I nearly collapsed into the chair, breathing heavily. Sirius took a moment to himself, but was very soon crouched in front of me, looking me over.

We didn't speak much. He waited patiently while I pulled myself together, then we took turns using my shower.

When I walked out, toweling off my hair, he was sprawled lazily on my mattress (which still did not have an actual bedframe attached to it.)

I felt the need to say something cliche. "Thanks for having my back out there."

Sirius looked up at me. "That's what you do, Kara. You cover your friends' backs."

_I knew that._

But did I really know it? I thought about this as I combed through my wet hair. I considered Sirius my friend. I considered all of them my friends, really. Okay, maybe not Peter. But when it came down to it, did I really have their backs?

I had information that could save all of their lives, but I wasn't using it.

It didn't matter that I _couldn't_ use it, didn't matter that I wasn't given a choice. The guilt washed over me and seeped into my every pore.

I had spent so much time worrying about how I was going to handle things, watching my _own_ back. I was more concerned with my mental health than I was with my friends' lives.

This revelation was almost too much for me.

Sirius had this crazy ability to tell what I was thinking, or at least feeling. I had my back turned to him, was frozen there with my comb halted in the middle of a long strand, when he came up behind me and put his arms around my waist.

I didn't deserve such loyalty.

He stayed with me that night. My little mattress, while a considerable improvement over the original, was hardly big enough for both of us.

I woke first, late the next morning. I was facing away from him. His arm curved around my waist, and his face was buried in the back of my neck.

At some point, I had begun to understand his touch was responsible for a dull ache somewhere in my system. When we were this close, I felt it all through me.

I lay like that for a while. Sirius slept on. Eventually I got up to get ready for my shift, which started at one. I didn't bother to wake him up.

I set about my business at the bar somewhat quieter than usual. I must have seemed like a zombie by contrast. We weren't busy, so it didn't matter much, but I kept catching Tom watching me. I wondered what he thought I'd been doing that night.

At about three, Sirius came down. I stepped out from behind the counter to meet him. Tom raised an eyebrow at the both of us before disappearing into the kitchen.

"What time do you get off?" Sirius asked.

"After the dinner rush," I told him.

"I'll come back," he said.

"Alright."

He took a step towards the door, apparently finished. Then suddenly he turned back and pulled me into a crushing embrace.

It was probably like hugging a two-by-four at first, but then I hugged him back.

**Morning-Sunset:** /app/news/fullstory/1684 Consider yourself informed. And your question has actually been answered already. Look at the prologue. And she can't change anything, remember? And it's not just that she can't warn them. If she tried to kill Peter or something, she wouldn't be able to do that either. Oh, and I don't get the impression people were allowed to visit Azkaban prisoners, the Crouches were talked about as though they were a special case, so, no, she won't be seeing him. Sorry. :(

**MinuetsToMidnight:** lol That's awesome.

**XxSiriusly ScotiaxX: **The characters and events depicted in this story are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons (or said person's dreams) is purely coincidental, and the author is not liable. :)

**blueglass25:** Thank you. And I like long reviews. :)

**AudioAesthetic:** It's more ironic if I do it at his job. He works at Gamestop.

It seems like the votes are in favor of the chucking.

I totally had this chapter written last night. I had this nagging feeling that I would regret posting it then, because I could barely focus on the screen at that point. I'm really sorry.

You're all awesome. Good...uh, afternoon.


	17. The Bachelor Party

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Part of this chapter is based on the recent prequel.

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 16: The Bachelor Party

Sirius was excited. His face was cracking in a grin that no clown could attempt to paint, and he kept twitching restlessly, as though whatever secret he was holding was going to jump out of his skin.

I knew there had to be some point to this. Something other than it being the night of James' bachelor party.

"I'm not off for another ten minutes, so simmer down," I told him.

"Come on!" he whined. "Can't you ask Tom to let you off early?"

"No," I said. "If you're going to be this miserable waiting, why didn't you just wait until you needed to be here?"

"Couldn't sit at home," he said. "Too excited."

I rolled my eyes.

I went back to work, and he took a seat at the bar. He kept fidgeting, picking up the salt and pepper shakers and stacking them, switching the bowls of peanuts around.

When it came time for my shift to end I went in back to talk to Tom. I purposefully took a little longer than necessary.

When I came back out, James was there too, and Sirius' grin was back.

"Let's go," he said hurriedly. I followed them out into the street.

Instead of apparating, Sirius looked about him cautiously, then headed for a side street. James and I exchanged confused glances, before following.

The street was narrow and abandoned.

Sirius swivelled to face us when he reached an old dumpster. "Ready?"

"For what?" James asked.

Sirius led us around the corner of the dumpster. A large dirty piece of tarp concealed some monstrous object from view.

From the faded pages of my neglected book-memories a detail resurfaced.

_Oh, no way._

Sirius swept the tarp aside with a flourish.

There, clashing gloriously with the muck around it, was a beautiful red motorcycle.

"No way!" James cried excitedly.

I shook my head, trying not to laugh.

"What do you think?" Sirius asked. "I charmed it so it'll fly!"

"I think your parents are going to kill you!" said James tactlessly.

Sirius scowled.

"I'd be more worried about the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office," I pointed out pompously, earning myself two harassed looks. "No really," I went on, feeling a malicious desire to drag out my insincere lecture. "They'll be furious too. They'll turn you into some sort of filet, and then I'll have to serve you, and then where will I be?" I let the pitch of my voice reach a whine at the end. _That outta do it._

Sirius glared at me until I grinned.

"It's gorgeous," I admitted.

"Get on," he said, mock-gruffly.

James happily straddled the bike.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?" said James.

"Uh uh," said Sirius, then he jerked his thumb in the direction of the pillion pad.

James made a face. "You're joking, right?"

"Not a bit."

James grumbled as he climbed into his assigned seat.

I looked at Sirius. "And where am I supposed to go?"

He was already on the bike. He padded the seat behind him and winked. "Right here, love."

Fighting to repress a smile, I got on, and then we were off.

There were a number of things we did wrong.

We weren't wearing helmets for one.

We were definitely speeding, for another. Speeding fast enough to attract the attention of even the laziest of cops.

And I was about ninety percent sure that Sirius didn't have a license.

I noticed the sirens almost immediately. Sirius shot a quick glance behind him, then sped up, and we were soon engaged in a fifteen-minute car chase, which I have to admit was absolutely thrilling.

You'd think, with three wizards and a magical vehicle, we would have won, but no. Those dumb Muggles cornered us.

Sirius turned off the engine, smirked at the cop car, which had stopped behind us. The policemen were having some trouble making it around their vehicle.

James and I looked at Sirius.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Don't worry," he said. "I have everything under control."

I sighed, relaxed my hold on his waist.

The cops had made it, though I noticed their car was now missing a mirror.

"Get off the bike!" one of them, the rounder of the two, yelled. We obeyed.

"No helmet!" he continued to yell. "Exceeding the speed limit by– by a considerable amount!"

We had only been going twenty or thirty miles faster than should have been possible. Nothing to get worked up about.

"Failure to stop for the police!"

"We'd have loved to stop for a chat," said James. "Only we were trying–"

"Don't get smart– you three are in a heap of trouble!" said the other cop nastily. "Names!"

"Names?" asked Sirius impudently. "Er– well, let's see. There's Wilberforce... Bathsheba... Elvendork..."

"And what's nice about that one is, you can use it for a boy _or_ a girl," put in James.

"Oh, _our_ names, did you mean?" said Sirius, as though he had just realized this. "You should've said! This here is James Potter, the beauty to my right is Kara Thrace, and I'm Sirius Black."

"Things are going to be seriously black for you in a minute," the second cop snapped.

I groaned. "Oh, _really_!"

James leaned around Sirius to look at me. "Hey, we've all thought it."

"Yeah, but most of us have the good taste not to say anything!"

"Listen here, you cheeky little–" the cop started to say. But it didn't matter, because we now had a second problem. Behind him, floating dangerously in the air above the cop car, were three figures mounted on broomsticks. And they were hooded and masked.

We had our wands out, cutting off the policeman mid-speech. They must have thought they were guns or something, the way their eyes widened as we reached for them.

The Death Eaters were getting closer...

"Drumsticks?" Cop Number 2 asked. He was getting more annoyed by the minute. "Right bunch of jokers, aren't you? Right, we're arresting you on a charge of–"

Our shouts cut him off. We must have been having a very _on_ day, because we all used the same spell.

The car flipped over on its back bumper. The timing was exquisite. The car smacked the Death Eaters right in their faces, and they went crashing to the ground, stunned.

James and I righted the car while Sirius started up his motorbike. As we got on, I risked a glance back at the frightened cops, who were clutching each other shamelessly in a heap on the ground.

"Thanks very much!" Sirius called. "We owe you one!"

"Yeah, nice meeting you!" said James. "And don't forget: Elvendork! It's unisex!"

Sirius' bike gave a great roar. He touched some undefined button, and we were off...the _ground._ The bike surged into the air with a few huffs, and we were flying.

We left the policemen below, contemplating the benefits of therapy.

"You know what?" I whispered to Sirius when we landed, an hour later, in Hogsmead. "I think I like that better than a broomstick."

He held out a hand to help me down, grinning.

The plan was to have the party at The Three Broomsticks, then crash there. Madame Rosmerta had graciously closed the pub to the public, whether due to Sirius' bribery or sweet-talking, I don't know. Either way, the five of us were loud enough we made up for it.

Rosmerta stopped by our table with another jug of mead at one point, when James asked her to join us. She consented with a stunning smile that made me feel small and obscure.

"I can't believe you're getting married," she said to James. "After all the stunts you've pulled... What woman decided to put up with that for the rest of her life?"

With that strangely settled, unbelievably content smile he had worn so often of late, James answered, "Lily Evans."

"Miss Evans?" said Rosmerta in surprise. "I knew you fancied her right enough, but I didn't think she returned the affection."

"She came around last year," explained Peter. "Cheers, James." He drank, followed by a hiccup.

Rosmerta turned to Sirius. "And what about you, lad? Any Lilies in your life?"

"Many, but they wilt so quickly," said Sirius.

Rosmerta laughed, but Remus glared. "Oh, grow up, Padfoot!" he said.

"Well, I'll leave you all to your celebrating," said Rosmerta, getting up. She beamed at James one last time before disappearing into a back room.

Sirius sighed heavily. "Now, if she were about five years younger..."

James grinned. "I've got it. We'll send you back in time. You can woo her there."

"That's no good," said Sirius frowning. "I want to be around for this wedding of yours, and to educate any forthcoming mini-Potters."

_Harry._

"So you're going to bring up my kids?" asked James.

"Yup," said Sirius. "They're gonna be just like me, 'cept they'll look like you."

"If they're lucky, they'll look like Lily," said Remus. James was too drunk to be offended.

It was odd, there in that warm, glowing room, to think that Sirius actually would have a hand in raising James' only child. That future seemed so distant, so impossible, compared to the one they were fantasizing about.

Mead has the underrated quality of being about to keep the demons at bay.

I took another drink, out of need, not pleasure.

"I want you all to know," said James, his tone sobering a bit, "that I don't want things to change. I mean, Lily's gonna be my family now. She has to come first, but...Well, it's Marauders forever, isn't it? Friends until the bitter end?"

I hardly noticed the others' reactions. My mind was stuck on that one phrase: _until the bitter end._

_Until one of us decides to betray the others. Until one of us is dead, and one in prison._

_Until our world spins out of control, and we sacrifice everything to make it better for our children, whom we will never really know._

"Come now, this is no time to be serious," said Sirius. "Rosmerta, darling, we need more drinks!"

**Lady Black**: Thanks for the advice! Writer's block isn't the only problem, though. Life tends to get in the way too. But as it's summer, my goal is to finish at least this story and "A Real Home" before school starts.

**MinuetsToMidnight**: Okay, that whole thing at the beginning where she chooses the name, I actually stole that from my life. Kara Thrace is Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, and my best friend has been calling me Starbuck since my senior year, so if I was in this situation (ha!), that's the name I would have picked. Although I'm pretty sure I've seen the 'K' spelling elsewhere too.

**Morning-Sunset**: I have no idea who it was. There were a lot of unnamed Death Eaters. Kara's not exactly bad at magic, she knows what she's doing, she's just not super at it, and her first instincts in most situations are definitely Muggle. Oh, and Sirius was pissed. Btw, I tried to post the link to the prequel in my last response to you, but it didn't work. It's up on MuggleNet though if you want to look for it.

I stole the middle section of this chapter from JKR's prequel, as mentioned in the disclaimer. I've been wanting to work that in here somewhere, and I thought on the way to James' party would be great. On the other hand, it makes me feel like I didn't actually write half the chapter.

Again, a thousand thanks to you all.


	18. The Photograph

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice. There's a bit of swearing and innuendo in this chapter.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 17: The Photograph

Certain instances are burned into my memory. They don't fade over time. They darken, I suppose, becoming less vivid, like a charcoal sketch instead of an oil painting, but the shape of them is forever clear.

On the morning of James and Lily's wedding, I dressed very carefully. Wizard formal wear is a bit Renaissance-y. Looking at my reflection in a floor-length mirror I had recently acquired, I couldn't help but think I would have got more guys if I had lived in the Dark Ages.

_As opposed to what I'm living in now? How is this not dark?_

The wedding was set to start at two o'clock, and I apparated to the little church in Godric's Hollow around noon. I paid a quick visit to the room upstairs where I knew Lily would be getting ready, but brides scare me, and I was out of there as soon as it was polite to leave.

Why do people get so worked up at weddings, anyway? I mean, I know why _I_ would. The thought of walking down that long hall with everyone staring at me to spend the rest of my life with one person just about gives me a panic attack, but most people don't seem to mind the staring part, and they're always so excited when they get engaged. What is it about the wedding that's so different?

On entering the sanctuary, I immediately spotted Remus and Peter. I walked up behind them and put an arm around each of their shoulders. Today, I could even be nice to Peter.

"How are my two favorite groomsmen?"

Peter looked up at me in shock, if not horror, muttered something incomprehensible, and scampered off.

He even moves like a rat.

I shrugged. His loss.

Remus, however, was eyeing me approvingly. "You look very nice," he said.

"Well, thank you, good sir, you look rather dashing yourself."

He shook his head in disbelief. "You're in a good mood."

"I was just up with Lily," I said. "She nearly killed one of the bridesmaids, which amuses me greatly."

He laughed. "Which one?"

"Marlene."

"Okay, now I understand."

At the other end of the sanctuary, Sirius appeared from some back room.

"Greetings, fair lady," he said as he approached us. With a mock bow, he took my hand and kissed it lightly.

Tingles. As if a dozen pixies were dancing on the back of my hand. I pulled it away before I started blushing.

"How's James?" asked Remus.

"He's a wreck," said Sirius. "Poor bloke. How's Lily?" he asked, turning back to me.

"Scary," I said.

"Oh, yeah? How're the bridesmaids?"

"One down, two to go."

His laughter echoed through the church.

"I never know whether to enjoy these things, or get them over with," said Remus.

Sirius was now looking me over. "I'm disappointed in you," he said finally.

_I thought I looked good this morning!_

Remus, I noticed, was frowning, probably ready to jump to my defense if Sirius did something insensitive.

"Why?" I asked anxiously.

"Because you're usually ready for anything," said Sirius. "Where's your wand?"

Now I picked up on the hint of teasing in his voice. My confidence came back. I was well-prepared for this game.

I swept up the end of my skirts and held the hem against my thigh. Around my calf was strapped a thin leather holster, which contained my wand.

"I'm always prepared," I assured Sirius. "But I'd rather not have to do any ass-kicking in this dress."

"Very nice," he said. I noted his gaze was focused somewhere higher than the wand, and I let my skirt drop self-consciously.

"Padfoot," said Remus irritably, "it'd be nice if you could at least get through the ceremony without leering at someone."

"S'alright," I said. "I'm long overdue for a good eye-fucking."

Sirius volunteered to escort me to my seat, as the ushers hadn't arrived yet, and he and Remus needed to get back to James. As he led me down the aisle, my arm looped through his, I heard Remus' voice called out behind us. We stopped so I could look back.

"Kara," he was saying. "You've never looked less like Tumnus."

"What's all that about, anyway?" Sirius asked as we reached the row I would be sitting in.

"What's what all about?" I said.

"The whole Tumnus thing."

"Never you mind."

The ceremony was beautiful, as they say, though long. James and Lily both settled a bit once they saw each other. I don't think they even looked at the preacher the whole time.

There was that inevitable moment when I was once again aware of just how short their time together would be. They looked so implausibly happy; the thought that they only had a few years squeezed at my heart. I looked down the line at Sirius, who would have to suffer both the guilt of loosing them and Azkaban, at Peter, not yet the traitor, at Remus, who would be left alone when they were all gone.

Remus. That at least I could do something about. He wouldn't be alone, regardless of what happened to the others.

Unless something happened to me, of course. I have to confess, I half-hoped this would be the case. I didn't want to live through it, to endure while everyone around me sputtered and went out.

But if I did have to live, if I wasn't granted the grace of being off-ed or returning to my own world, I would be sure I was there for Remus.

I wasn't as good a friend as Sirius. I was selfish and stubborn and I wasn't by any means cut from the same cloth as any of them. I was my own person.

But when they were all gone, when only Remus and I were left, we'd be all each other had. The obvious course of action was to cling to that.

The seating at the reception was set up so I got to sit with the Marauders. I mouthed a "thank you" to James as I slid into the seat next to Sirius. On his other side, Petunia eyed me warily.

I wondered how she felt in this crowd, being the maid of honor and all.

Wizarding parties are always fantastic, running in the same vein as those films where all the emphasis is on the special effects, versus the plot. And this was _James'_ wedding, after all. Which meant everything had to be done big. Everything from the fireworks to Sirius' speech was spectacular.

Vernon caught the garter, Petunia the bouquet. What the hell.

Sirius, Remus, and I had to try really hard not to fall out of our chairs when that happened.

"That...that's just disconcerting," I said.

Sirius shuddered.

Peter was drunk loooonnnnngggg before anyone else. He fell asleep in his chair, hugging his bottle of wine like a security blanket.

I danced with Sirius, of course, and with Remus, but mostly with Sirius. He held me quite close, but he wasn't rude about it. His hands kept carefully just inside the bounds of propriety, and if his smile was just a little wanton, well, he had been drinking, and it's not like I really minded.

James and Lily were starting to look restless at about eight, but they held out till ten. We all met them at their table, gave them our best wishes. Lily surprised all of us by standing on tiptoe to kiss Sirius firmly on the cheek.

"Best of luck to you, Lily-love," he said as she let him go. "James, make me proud."

James was grinning so hard he couldn't speak.

It took me a minute to pick up the full implications of what had just transpired.

"Oh, they did _not_ wait," I said to Sirius as soon as they were gone.

"They did," he said. "James is a romantic, and Lily...well, you know. Plus I think by the time they were ready they were already engaged. James said it just made sense to do things right."

"Wow," I said.

"Or maybe James just told me they waited so I wouldn't ask for details," said Sirius, musing.

I laughed. "Are you not allowed to know anything?"

"I think Lily would kill him. Didn't stop me from giving him a few tips though."

"Hm. I'll bet it didn't."

I glanced around at the hall, now empty save for a few waiters cleaning up. Remus was off instructing them. Someone had already volunteered to help Peter get home.

Beside me, Sirius was strangely quiet.

"Padfoot?" I said carefully, touching his arm.

"I don't really want to go home," Sirius said.

I looked up at him. "Me neither," I said. "Feel like doing something stupid?"

He looked hopeful. "I have a motorbike that just _screams_ stupid."

"Perfect, but let's stop at the Cauldron. I want to change first."

He took my hand as we walked out. Across the hall, Remus was watching us, eyebrows raised. I shook my head, smirking at him. He got the message.

Back at the Leaky Cauldron, I found a pair of jeans and a hoodie, and deposited my wedding clothes on my bed. I'd take care of them later.

My eye was caught, on my way out, by the camera laying on the table. I would have to develop the pictures later. James had shoved it into my hands before the ceremony, saying he wanted candid shots of the whole thing, and he didn't trust anyone else to get it right. Anything Remus took would end up being staged, and Peter would probably break the darn thing.

Somewhere in that roll of film was one very important picture. It showed James, Lily, and Sirius, all looking immensely buoyant. I knew, though they didn't, that that picture would one day become one of the few records Harry had of his parents and his godfather. I wondered who was supposed to send it to Hagrid. Was it me? That didn't make much sense.

This line of thought was starting to depress me, and I didn't care much for being depressed that night, so I shook it off and left. Outside, Sirius was waiting for me to apparate to his place. He would change, we would get the bike, and then we'd be off.

Nothing keeps the demons away like good old-fashioned recklessness.


	19. Love Me Dead

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Chapter title by Ludo.

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 18: Love Me Dead

The next six months passed much the same. James and Lily settled into their new life with remarkable ease. I've never seen two people so in love. It was oddly reassuring.

I had accumulated a bedframe and a chest of drawers. I was starting to consider accumulating a new apartment.

Caspian had gotten rather fat, the result, I'm sure, of the cooks sneaking him scraps.

Business with the Order had intensified. I had a patrol of some sort every few weeks, and was now on call even when I was working. And Dumbledore called meetings every other night.

Which is where this little bit of my story starts. The memories still cause a tightness in my chest, a sharp reminder than I don't deserve to be forgiven.

It ran like every other Order meeting I'd ever been to. Dumbledore gravely informed us of the state of things. It was the same thing every time. We were losing. Then, various people would stand up and give their reports, which consisted of the same dull horror as Dumbledore's. Assignments would be handed out, though this didn't take long, as many missions were assigned by Dumbledore personally and not shared with the entire Order. Mad-Eye Moody would close with a speech about keeping our eyes open being the most important part of our job.

I sagged into my chair when it was over, abominably weary and feeling guilty for being so. There was so much to do! Taking time to pull myself together seemed like a sin.

"Did you know her?" a voice said above me.

I looked up. It was one of the Prewett brothers. I wasn't sure which.

I knew who he was talking about. Marlene McKinnon. Killed two days before.

"A little," I said.

He took the chair next to me.

"It's starting to fade, isn't it?" he said. "The pain?"

Again, I knew exactly what he meant. "I feel...desensitized. Every time it happens, I care less and less."

He nodded. "I wonder if this war won't take away our souls altogether."

_Leaving us no better than Voldemort..._

I shivered.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's alright," I said. I paused. "Can I ask which one you are?"

His laugh was a soft, reassuring chuckle. "Gideon."

I gave him the best smile I could muster at that moment, which was still considerably weak. "Kara Thrace," I told him needlessly.

There was a brief pause. "Would you like to get a drink?" he asked, shifting awkwardly in his seat.

I bit my lip. This was unexpected. I wasn't really used to invitations. My life consisted of my job, the Order, and the Marauders. It seemed rather pathetic, but I liked it that way.

But I hadn't missed the hopefulness in his voice, and what was the harm, really? I glanced over at my friends, who were talking in low voices to Elphias Doge. It wasn't like we had plans that night.

I turned backed to Gideon, who was staring fixedly at my face. It should have been disconcerting, but it wasn't.

"Sure," I said. "I work at the Leaky Cauldron, so let's go there. I can get us the good stuff."

He smiled again, stood up, and offered me his hand. I took it and let him help me out of my chair.

As we walked out, I caught Sirius' eye. I mouthed, "See you later" at him. He blinked at me, not responding.

The Cauldron was fairly empty that night. Tom was working alone, but he smiled at me warmly as Gideon and I walked in. I found us an out-of-the-way table, and Tom brought us one of our best bottles of wine without our having to ask.

"On the house," he said, when Gideon started to reach into his pocket.

Gideon smirked at me when he'd gone. "They treat you well here."

"Yep," I said. I was feeling odd. Not exactly uncomfortable, which was strange, because, as I had told Remus, I do not do well with new people. This feeling was unfamiliar. I was already out of my element, and I had no time to consider its source, as I had to concentrate very hard to make small talk.

The thing is, Gideon didn't seem too keen on small talk. Maybe this was why talking to him became easy so quickly.

"It's strange," he said after sipping at his wine thoughtfully. "I didn't even know Mary that well. I don't really know half the people in the Order. Sometimes I feel so...disconnected from it all."

"You don't know anyone either?" I asked in wonder. I had thought I was the only one. James and the others, skilled and affable as they were, were deeply involved in all the goings-on, but I was just the girl who hung out in the back, waiting to be useful.

Who was I kidding? I'd never be useful.

Gideon nodded. "I'm in this mostly for my family. I have to make that selfish confession. I mean, I believe in freedom for the wizarding world and all that, but...Well, I don't really think bonding is part of the job description."

"I don't think Dumbledore would agree," I pointed out.

"Probably not," he said. "But there it is. You stick up for the people you care about, put your time and effort into them. When it comes down to it, I'd be lying if I said I was doing anything else."

"So you don't really care if Voldemort just goes and offs a bunch of Muggle-borns?" I asked ungraciously.

"I wouldn't say that."

"If you knew your family was in no danger either way, would you still try to stop him?"

I had to give him credit. He actually sat and thought about his answer. His face twisted to the right, and his eyes misted. I waited, numb to the civility that should have prevented me from asking such a personal question.

"Yes..." he said after a while, "but not like I am now."

I remembered what Mad-Eye had said to Harry in the books, about Gideon and Fabian fighting like heros. The picture I had had in my head then was so different from the one sitting in front of me.

I found myself studying Gideon. He was handsome in a windswept way, kind of like James. His eyes were open and artless. He had no pretense to him, no agenda. Or maybe he did have an agenda, but unlike most, he didn't deny it.

"The thing is," he went on, "if I die in this war, I want it to be so my family is safe, so Molly and Arthur and the others have a future."

_And they will_, I wanted to tell him. _You'll die so nobly, you and your brother, that they'll call you the best wizards of your time. But Arthur and Molly will live, and their children will live to fight after you. And their lives will be whole because yours was incomplete_.

Wasn't that what James and Sirius and Lily and Remus were willing to do?

My eyes watered, but if Gideon noticed, he didn't say.

"So," he continued, "my philosophy is to hold on to those things that are important to me while I have them, and then to give them up gracefully in the hope of preserving them."

_Hagrid was right. You are noble._

"So you don't care what happens to you?" I asked.

He smiled strangely. "Well, up to a point. This...not worrying about death, it has its advantages. I'm not afraid to takes risks. I live in the moment."

"You gotta get what you can while you can," I said wryly.

"Exactly," he said, and his eyes were suddenly intense.

In the same moment, I both realized what I'd said and what he wanted.

The next moment led to the revelation that I wanted it to.

I could have said no. I could have made it perfectly clear that my affections were directed elsewhere, but what of that? He wasn't asking for anything much, just the comfort of another lost soul on a road that could turn into a dead end at any point, with no possibility of turning around.

_Live together, die alone_, I thought. _This is where the "live together" comes in._

I drained my glass. Then I stood up and waited, looking down at him. He searched me carefully, gaging my understanding of what was going on. I left my eyes open, hoping he could see his answer written there.

"Your place or mine?" he asked, standing. I liked the business-like way he approached it. There wasn't a hint of innuendo. This was just...how it was. How it would be.

I cringed. "My place is upstairs and not really fit for visitors."

Gideon placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me out of the pub. "My place then," he whispered. "I live with Fabian, but he won't mind."

It was somewhat rougher than I was used to, not that I have an over-abundant experience of this sort of thing. Neither of us were holding back, and while it was by no means the passion my body craved from another, it felt good just to be connected to someone. He held me when we were done. My body didn't fit into his the way it did Sirius', but I wasn't worried about that.

I woke up the next morning contented.

And late.

"Shit!" I shouted, glancing at the clock. Gideon lifted himself onto his elbows, amused.

"What's wrong?" he asked, as I began frantically searching for my scattered articles of clothing.

"I'm supposed to be at Moony's in five minutes," I told him.

"Something important?" he asked.

"Not really," I admitted, shrugging into my jeans.

"Then I definitely won't keep you."

My hoodie was now on lop-sided. "I'm sorry."

"I'll see you at the next Order meeting," he said cheerfully. "Or...sooner, maybe?"

I grinned back. "We'll see." I leaned back over the bed to kiss him quickly, before rushing out the door. Once clear of the house, I apparated to Remus' flat.

None of us ever knocked. You'd think, in those days, that we'd have had better security, but for some reason we were reckless in this particular area. It was a good thing Mad-Eye was never at any of our homes, or we'd have gotten a stern lecture.

So, as usual, I just walked in. The place was empty, save for Sirius sitting at the kitchen counter, pouring over _The Daily Prophet_, cup of coffee in hand. Or maybe it was tea.

He looked up as I entered the room.

"Morning," I said, maybe a little too happily. "I'm sorry I'm late."

Sirius' eyes rolled over me, taking in my disheveled state.

"Last night's clothes?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep."

"Have fun?" His tone was light, his face smiling, but there was a tightness about his jaw.

"I did, actually." I said, taking a seat at the counter. I was suddenly flustered. I hoped he would leave it at that, that there wouldn't be any inappropriate questioning.

Uncharacteristically, Sirius did just that. He went back to his coffee.

I was saved from having to wonder about this by the arrival of James and Lily.

Lily's eyes narrowed as she saw me. "Weren't you wearing that last night?"

"Well-spotted," I said. "Morning, James."

"Hello, Kara," James said distractedly. He was watching Sirius.

Remus came in next.

"What's going on?" said Remus, stopping in his tracks. "What's wrong?"

_What tipped you off? The tension in the air? Maybe you'd better come back with a knife._

"Kara spent the night with some guy," said Lily.

I bristled at the accusation. "Excuse me!"

"What guy?" said Remus in a tense voice.

_What the hell? Why are you all acting like this?_

"Gideon Prewett," said Sirius. Everyone stared, glancing from Sirius to me. "I saw you leave together," he added, turning to me.

_I knew this. So what's the problem?_

The doorbell rang.

"That'll be Peter," said Remus.

"I'll get it," said Sirius, and he had disappeared before anyone could say another word.

"Since when does he ring the doorbell?" I asked, hoping to break the tension. No one answered. "Alright, _what_?"

"How could you do that to him?" asked Lily reproachfully.

"Do what to who?" I asked.

"Sirius!" she nearly shouted.

I stared at her. "You're joking, right?"

Remus took a few steps toward me. "Kara," he said, sounding like he was trying to be more diplomatic about it.

"_What_?" I snapped, rounding on him.

"Well, you know he cares for you," he said lamely.

It took everything in me not to roll my eyes. "Remus, we've been over this."

"I know," he said, "I know that, but..."

"But you can't just go around throwing it back in his face!" Lily shrilled. "I thought you cared about him too!"

"I do!" I said. "Of course I do. He's my..."

"Don't you dare say 'friend.'"

I took a deep breath. "Look. You all know the situation. Mostly it's that there_ isn't_ a situation. What did you expect me to do? Just wait around forever?"

They were silent.

_They did._

"That's not fair," I said.

"You're right, it's not," said a voice behind me. I felt myself go pale. He had heard.

"Kara has the right to do whatever she wants," Sirius said.

I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know which was worse: their accusations, or his callus acceptance that they were unfounded. Or maybe it was the carefully hollow, unaffected tone of his voice.

"I've gotta go," I said. And I stepped around Sirius, not looking at him, and half-ran out the door. None of them tried to stop me.

I made one of the cooks at the Leaky Cauldron give me a crash course. My first attempt at real cooking, and I was supposed to have the afternoon off. But I couldn't do nothing. I was too furious, too hurt.

The next day I still hadn't heard from any of them. I threw myself into work with unabated fervor, trying not to think about the Order meeting that night.

When it came time to leave, Remus was there to meet me.

"Can't let you go alone," he told me as we walked out together.

I didn't answer.

"Kara, I'm sorry," he said, reaching out to stop me in the street. "I didn't mean to upset you. Gideon is...a good man. But Sirius is my best mate, you understand? I have to stand by him in this."

"He didn't even put up a fight, Remus!" I sputtered. "How can you act like I'm breaking some promise, like I'm letting go of something that isn't even there? I can't spend my life grasping at possibilities, at vapors."

He put an arm around me. As a rule, Remus rarely touched me. I don't think he was entirely comfortable with physical affection.

"I'm sorry, Kara," he repeated. "I know it was unfair to you."

I sighed and half-hugged him back. "It wasn't that big a deal anyway, you know. At least I think that's the understanding."

He nodded. "That may be, but I know how these things go. Maybe you'd better be sure how deep you're in before assuming anything."

I got a curt nod from Lily at the meeting, accompanied by an apologetic look from James. Sirius smiled at me insincerely before glancing at Gideon with pure loathing.

It only lasted a second, but Gideon caught it. " I didn't know I was stepping on any toes," he said, frowning.

I rolled my eyes. "You're not. Some people just aren't clear on what my rights as a human being are."

He looked at me seriously. "I'm not asking anything of you, you know. The future's too uncertain. No commitment. No plans. I won't hold you from anything you really want."

"What I really want doesn't seem to matter to anyone," I said bitterly. "But as is the case, I _do_ want this right now, if you still do."

He smiled. "I do. Just understand you are free to go if you need to. I will not hold it against you."

_Great. The sex-buddy arrangement_.

Only not really. This was something different. It was more like...hopeless dating. Usually when you're seeing someone you're trying to see if you're compatible, if things might work out and lead somewhere. That was not the case with Gideon and I. This was a purely _now_ thing. A relationship was a luxury for people without Voldemort for a chaperone.

Gideon and I only really saw each other at Order meetings. We hooked up afterwards, of course, but it's a testimony to the nature of our arrangement that we never tried to meet at any other time.

About two weeks after we had started...whatever is was that we were doing, Mad-Eye blind-sided us all with our biggest assignment yet.

"This is a rescue mission, folks. We're going to be removing the target from his house under guard, and this time don't just watch for company,_ expect_ it."

_So much for constant vigilance._

We were trying to save a family of Muggle-borns. That doesn't make much sense, so I'll explain. Neither parent was a wizard, but all the kids were. Four in all. This, for some reason, maybe just the oddity of it, had caught Voldemort's attention, and we were lucky that we knew. For once, we knew exactly where he was, what he was planning, who he was after. Now that we had a case we could really do something about, we were going to take it.

"The rescue party will consist of thee teams. One will be the escorts, the other two back-up. One back-up team is responsible for completing the mission if the first team should fail, the other is responsible for rescuing the original escorts."

I decided Mad-Eye was probably the reason as many people made it through the war as did.

"The teams will be assembled as follows. Team One: Gideon and Fabian Prewett, Emmeline Vance, Kara Thrace, and myself."

_Wait? What?_

Mad-Eye had glared at me before I could even protest. There would be no arguing.

Across the room, I saw Sirius start, looking at me with eyes wide. Beside me, Gideon took my hand and squeezed it encouragingly.

"Team Two: Dedulas Diggle, James and Lily Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. Team Three: Aberforth Dumbledore, Sturgis Pomdore, Remus Lupin, Mundungus Fletcher.

"You all have your assignments. We're leaving now."

"Now?" asked Fabian in amazement.

"Yes, now!" grunted Mad-Eye. "What do you think this is? A tea party? Move out!"

I guess you don't always get a lot of warning. I suppose we should have expected that.

At any rate, I was now in way over my head.

_Is he crazy? Putting me on the front line?_

Okay, so I had gotten better over time. My dueling skills had definitely improved. But the fact was that I had spent most of my life as a Muggle, and those instincts were still the most fixated in my mind. It took me precious seconds to recall appropriate spells, and I didn't want anyone to be hurt because of me.

Because of anything I didn't do.

Which was going to happen enough regardless.

The house was pitch black when we arrived. This immediately put me on my guard, but Mad-Eye strode forward as though he had expected this.

There was a strange feel to the breeze. It was like Halloween, like a horror movie where all the leaves stirred. Except it was spring, and there were no leaves yet.

None of the visuals, all the shivers.

We went in by the back door. A man met us there. I realized Mad-Eye had never given us their names. This wasn't necessary, as there was no talking of any kind. Mad-Eye just ordered them out of the house, and we arranged ourselves in a circle around them.

We never even got to start out. They were upon us, at least ten of them.

Mad-Eye managed to send up a flare before becoming engaged in a duel with two of them. Emmeline and I were cornered by three more, and Gideon and Fabian took on the rest.

It was all a mess of spell work for a while. Then the back-up arrived, and they had the refugees out of there, taking the portkey the rest of us had been unable to reach.

Back to the battle. Mad-Eye dispatched his two opponents easily. He wasn't an Auror for nothing. He quickly came to Emmeline and my aid, rightly assuming we would need it. The Prewetts were holding their own.

One of the Death Eaters sent off a neat hex, and Emmeline went spinning out of sight. Mad-Eye stunned him in the distracted excitement that followed. He must have been young.

There were only two now. I don't remember it all that well, only that I was weaving my arm in and out relentlessly, feeling it cramp up and forcing it to keep on going, my mouth shouting spells almost before I could comprehend them.

And then somehow I got separated from Mad-Eye.

This worried me enough to get my adrenaline pumping.

"_Reducto!_" I yelled, and the Death Eater slammed into the side of the house.

I didn't pause to think about this. On to the next.

I looked around for Mad-Eye. He was nowhere in sight. Neither was his opponent.

Across the lawn Gideon and Fabian were still dueling their five Death Eaters.

_Five_ Death Eaters.

_No._

In a horrible, gut-wrenching moment, it all came flooding back to me. I knew what was coming.

I tried to scream. No sound came out. Something about it must have caught the attention of one of the Death Eaters however, because he shouted a quick "_Imobilus_!" at me before returning to his duel.

Why couldn't they ever just use the Killing Curse on me? Why was it always some meaningless, completely un-Death-Eater-like hex that stopped me just enough that I could witness, but not experience, the awfulness of it all?

Was my curse– for curse it was, no gift could be so cruel– simply that horrible? Did it _want _me to live through it? To have to bear the burden of unendurable guilt?

Maybe that's how Death Eaters worked in those days, when there was enough of them to play. They picked the weakest one, and let that person watch while they massacred their friends.

At any rate, he needn't have bothered. I was frozen in place. The Death Eater's spell had merely made this look less strange to the outside world.

I stood there, limbs-locked, waiting for the blow to fall.

Gideon fell first. He had noticed my predicament, and the split second's distraction was enough. The Killing Curse shot him through the air like some graceful, twisting leaf. He might have only been riding on the wind.

But when he crashed into me, his body was lifeless, the eyes open and staring.

I heard Fabian's scream of rage, of agony, heard him struggle on for longer than should have been possible.

They truly were the best wizards of their time.

And then all was silent.

I heard the footsteps, and silently prayed they would kill me and get it over with.

Then I heard a loud _crack_. And then another. And then another.

Our back-up guard. Come too late.

The sounds of battle resumed around me, but I was numb to it all. I still couldn't move, couldn't struggle to get out from under the corpse that lay on top of me, to break free.

Free. That's what he had assured me I was. Free from him.

And now he lay on top of me, trapping me to the ground I was never meant to walk on. I shouldn't have been there. It didn't matter that it wasn't my fault I could do nothing.

His hair tickled my cheek. I wanted to cry, but the tears never came. There was no release from this.

The sounds grew dimmer. I thought I heard Mad-Eye's voice among the shouts now. And then the voices were hoarse, but there were no more flashes.

"Is that Emmeline?"

"Yes, but she's alright."

"Fabian Prewett..."

"Kara! Where's Kara?"

"Over here!"

Gideon's body was moved, but the weight wasn't gone from my chest. I could breath properly again, but the air still tore through my lungs.

I still couldn't move.

"Kara? Kara, can you hear me?"

I couldn't respond.

"_Ennervate_. She's alive, Remus."

Strong arms were around me. My limbs, of their own accord, sagged into them, accepted them. I clutched at his shirt.

"Kara."

He picked me up, held me in his arms.

"Go," I heard Mad-Eye say. "She's in shock. Get her out of here."

I felt Remus turn on the spot, and we were somewhere else. Somewhere safe. I didn't care where. I let him continue to carry me, though I was not hurt.

He set me down somewhere soft.

"Kara," he said, very carefully. "I have to go help. I'll be back, okay? I'll come back for you. Don't go anywhere."

He leaned over me, kissed me softly on the forehead. He didn't say anything about it. He just wanted to make sure I'd be there when he got back.

I don't know if he ever did. I wasn't awake for it, at any rate. I didn't want to think about what had happened, couldn't bear to. My chest felt like long, hungry fingers were clutching at it, ripping it apart.

_If only I could have moved...I could have done something..._

But it was no use.

So what use was it to be alive? If I couldn't be dead, I would be unconscious.

Luckily, my body obeyed.

I never once thought it had been a dream. As soon as I woke, I was aware of the awful reality of it. There was no denying the dead weight that still hung inside my ribs, taking the place of any natural organ function. It hurt to even breathe.

I wasn't alone. There were strong, powerful arms around me, and they were holding me tightly to a body. There was a faint, musky smell I couldn't fail to recognize.

He wasn't even asleep. He was watching me. I turned over, finding even that movement too much for my lifeless limbs. I didn't want to function.

He didn't say anything, just pulled me closer. I don't know how long he held me like that.

Remus had taken me to Sirius' flat, I finally realized. Or I had been transported there sometime in the night.

It didn't matter. I didn't want to be anywhere else, right then or ever.

And I felt impossibly guilty for it.

**AudioAesthetic**: I certainly hope she's not Mary Sue! I think I might cry if that was the case. I'm sorry about not detailing Sirius and Kara's adventures. I never intended to describe that night. I think they probably just flew around and confused a few Muggles.

**Lady Black**: Maybe we can hold each other accountable

Okay, so no update Friday, I'm sorry. In my defense, I worked 6 to 11:45 Thursday night and then was back at 7:45am Friday morning, till 3:45. My job sucks.

I'm not sure if I'm excited or nervous about reactions to this chapter.


	20. Recovery

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 19: Recovery

I must have fallen asleep again. Sirius wasn't there when I woke up. It took my trauma-fuzzed brain a little bit to pick up on this, and when it did I had a brief panic attack.

I couldn't be alone.

Alone, I had to think about what had happened, had to remember. Alone, I was left with nothing but my curse and its ramifications.

But if Sirius was there, what did that make me? I felt disloyal, like accepting help from Sirius was somehow dishonoring Gideon.

Especially when I had been right there, and done nothing.

Especially when it had been Sirius I had loved all along.

Loved? Was that really what this was? This...dependance...this relying on something other than myself?

That was exactly what I wasn't supposed to be doing.

I pushed all thoughts of Gideon and Sirius aside and forced myself to get out of bed. I must have looked awful, but I didn't bother to check.

I was surprised when the room didn't spin. I suppose I expected some sort of physical repercussions from what had happened, but, after all, I hadn't actually been hurt.

I sort of stumbled anyway, out of Sirius' room. I stopped in the doorway, holding on to the frame. My body was fine. I could probably apparate without incident. But my mind was still holding on to some childish need to be taken care of.

It said, _Hey, I need a break._

_Too bad_, I told it.

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply. I could do this. I could walk out of there. I could take myself somewhere I could have a proper breakdown, followed by a proper pulling-it-together.

I never got the chance to try.

The front door opened, nearly visible from where I was standing, and Sirius came in. He was holding a large paper bag, which he immediately discarded as he ran to my side.

"Kara! You're awake. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you alone."

He led me gently over to a couch and helped me settle into it. I'm not sure if I needed the help or not. At any rate I didn't protest. I felt like a marionette. My limbs were guided by something other than me.

Sirius knelt on the floor in front of me, looking me over. I was again aware that I did not appear my best, but I only cared because it meant I couldn't fool him. There was no way he'd believe I was fine, let me go. I would have to endure his scrutiny.

"I got some stuff from your place," he said, nodding at the bag on the floor. I looked at it disinterestedly. "I thought you might want a change of clothes."

There was no way he was going to let me go. I thought of myself as stubborn, but Sirius definitely beat me in that department. He'd probably tie me down if I tried to leave.

I thought of the future, when he'd be the one who was told to stay, for his own safety. My chest heaved at the thought.

He noticed. His eyes were alert suddenly, his hands on my arms. I fought to suppress the knowledge, to push it down. I couldn't deal with that now. Now was about Gideon. I had to move past that first.

I should tell you right now, I never moved past that, not really.

My body calmed. My breathing became even. Sirius relaxed.

But I wasn't going to play this charade any more.

"You can't help me," I whispered.

His mouth sagged. "I know," he said. "But I'm not leaving you alone."

He moved to sit beside me on the couch, pulling me into his arms again. I surrendered peacefully, feeling the guilt well up at the same time.

Sirius knew what I was thinking. When something was wrong, he could usually pick up on it.

"It's not your fault," he told me now, his hand pushing my hair back from my face.

The problem is, he never understood that _I_ was the thing that was wrong. I was the jam in the wheel, the imperfection in the weave. Slap a damage/defective sticker on my forehead and ship me back to corporate. Someone had printed the book with all the words backwards.

"Isn't not doing something right just as much a sin as doing something wrong?" I asked him.

"Not when you can't control what you do."

How deep of him. How utterly profound. So if I was not in control of my actions, if I actually was that marionette, then why was I still being punished for it? Why was it _my_ conscience that burned, and not the Death Eaters'? Why should I be held responsible for something I was predestined to not do?

I was serving the sentence of a creature of free will, when I was the victim of fate.

Of course, I wasn't entirely string-instructed. I still had the choice to walk off a cliff.

Not really. Sirius would probably stop me.

Even as I thought this, his arm tightened around me.

"Kara," he said. "I can't make this better. I can't make the pain go away."

"Don't stress yourself by trying," I said.

Surprisingly, he didn't get irritated. I suppose, subconsciously, that's what I was trying to do. Push his buttons. Make him throw me out.

He didn't.

"I'm not," he said. "Though I wish I could. Kara, just don't...leave me. Don't wither away because you think you don't deserve to live through this."

_Hah! _You_ don't deserve to live through this. None of you do. Thing about me is, I don't belong here._

"People fail to do enough in war all the time," he went on. "It's a risk we all take, knowing the person beside us might not be able to come through."

"I couldn't do _anything_," I pointed out. "I couldn't even_ try_."

"Which makes you less to blame than most."

The pressure was starting to build up behind my eyelids again, the tidal effect of rationalization. Maybe I at least deserved to cry.

"I shouldn't be here," I said, the threat of tears even in my voice.

"Don't leave," said Sirius, his arms securing me even further.

It's always harder to leave a place, even when you're sure you shouldn't be there, when you're wanted.

And hadn't I promised myself I would be there for Remus? Wouldn't leaving him on his own, running when I should stay and stand by the side of someone I cared about, be just as much a sin as not helping Gideon?

I have never been a perfect being. I doubt whether any of us really are. But I was trying.

Part of being human, I suppose, is grieving.

I gave in to the instincts that were begging me to hold on, to grip the anchor even as the tide drew closer that would wash it away.

I put my arms around Sirius and let the tears fall.

**Leent**: Thank you! I'm glad you liked the chapter. I was afraid some people might not like the direction it went.

**Lady Black**: Thank you again! I thought it was unreasonable for Kara to have waited around for Sirius forever. Not that she's consciously waiting of course. It was just sort of implied.

Anyone else having trouble getting alerts? I'm starting to get a little miffed, now that I have to go and track down "Nobody Sees Me Wishing."

Thank you all so much. It really warms me inside to know you've stuck with me and Kara this long.


	21. Ripple Effect

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 20: Ripple Effect

I had a month to pull myself together before the next shockwave.

As it was, when it came it was like getting slammed in the chest with an immense slab of wood.

There were things I could have done to prevent this reaction.

I could have been counting, for one. If I had been, I'd have realized that Lily and James had had their three strikes with Voldemort, making them perfect candidates for the prophecy. I'd have also realized that there was a nine month pre-Harry incubation period.

As it was...

"Last time he did this, he got engaged. What do you think it is this time?"

"I don't know, but does it have to be the middle of the night?"

"You're such a supportive friend, Padfoot."

"Here, this'll cheer you up."

"Kara, you bring a ray of sunshine to my life."

I rolled my eyes and fetched two more glasses. Remus and Peter nodded their thanks. "Did he say when he'd be here?"

Of course, he _would_ come bursting in just then. James was soaked and breathing heavily.

"What'd you do, Prongs?" said Sirius. "Walk?"

"Only part of the way," James answered, sliding into a seat. "Give 'er here, Kara."

I poured him a glass.

"Okay, and I need another one," said James. "For Lily. She said to have it for her, as she won't be doing any drinking for a while."

Remus and I caught on first. Sirius was slightly slower. Peter...well...

I dropped the bottle of firewhiskey I was holding, a lucky mistake, because it gave me a chance to duck below the counter and compose myself, otherwise I might have started hyperventilating.

"Alright there, Kara?" I heard James' voice say bemusedly.

"Yeah, just give me a minute to clean this up."

I took my time, and when my head broke the surface of under-the-counter-safety-bubble, my face was an exquisite plaster-cast of surprised joy.

"Congrats, Dad," I told him.

"Thank you," said James. "Now fill these glasses again, before I think too hard about this."

We all laughed at him, and I did as requested.

After Peter had been caught up to the rest of us, the others took turns speculating about whether the baby would be a boy or a girl and what he or she might look like.

"Lily's hair...James' eyes," suggested Remus.

"How...utterly unimpressive," said James.

"Kid could get really unlucky," said Sirius. "James' hair, Lily's temper."

_Or yours_, I thought. Harry had always seemed more like Sirius than James to me.

"Could be a girl," I said without any sincerity. "Could look like Petunia."

A general shudder rippled through them all.

"Don't speak such heresy," said James.

It was another one of those nights when all we did was drink and laugh. A delicate balance had developed in my life between laughter and death. They kept each other in check, so that neither was really able to overpower me.

But even as the tide of dark kept rising, a stone was about to be thrown in the middle that would change the direction of the current, casting all plans, all dreams, into disarray.

Both death and laughter would be caught off guard by the arrival of Harry.

But what about the other stone? The salt-water grown piece of addled rock that didn't belong in this freshwater stream? The one that didn't even ripple as it fell?

**blueglass25**: I know! The alerts are driving me crazy! And thank you!

**Potter'sPenPal**: Thanks for letting me know about the name change! She can't technically go _back_ to Sirius, because she was never really with him to begin with. Although I like him better too.

**Leent**: Hmm. If she does belong there, wouldn't that almost be worse?

**KingKhan**: Isn't that one of the best fics ever?

**Keisha.cl**: Soon, huh? Sadly, I do not think they are ready for that... cackles evilly

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: I'm glad you liked it. I was a little worried, and I wasn't sure I was going to include it.

**GoodGirlzDead** brings up a good point. So since I'm getting close to those more pivotal chapters, I'm interested to hear what everyone thinks will happen. When do you all think Sirius and Kara will have their first kiss? I know, of course, but I want to know what you think.

I know this is a short chapter. I'm going to try to get another up tonight, but that one will be short too.

I can't thank any of you enough, you're all so amazing.


	22. Blip

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 21: Blip

_Death Omens: What To Do When You Know The Worst Is Coming_.

I stared at the title and tried not to laugh bitterly. I was standing in Flourish and Blotts. I had been trying to make my way over to the shop's extremely inadequate fiction section, but had been stalled by a large, noisy group of customers.

A voice came from behind me. "Seen any shaggy black dogs lately?"

The place was so tight-packed, I couldn't even turn around, but I knew it was Remus.

"Just one," I said, turning my head. "But I think I'm safe in here."

We had left Sirius and James at Quality Quidditch Supplies. I doubted they had even noticed our absence.

"I don't know about that," said Remus. "Maybe the Grim won't get us, but we are definitely in danger of being crushed."

"Know any good shrinking spells?"

"Because trampling is a much better way to go."

I squeezed around, with difficulty, finally facing Remus. As it was, I was pretty much slammed right up against his chest.

"You know," I said, wondering if I could just elbow people out of the way without starting a row. The last thing we needed was for the mob to get angry. "If you really wanted to, you could clear this room very quickly."

He rolled his eyes at me. "No thanks. I'd like to be able to come back here. Maybe sometime when we can actually see some books?"

"Agreed," I said. "Cover your ears."

He obeyed, even ducked a little.

I took a deep breath.

"OI!" I shouted. A lot of people went right on talking, but many stopped to stare. "_MOVE_!"

I turned Remus around and pushed him forward. The crowd juggled awkwardly to either side to let us pass.

Remus laughed once we were outside. "Where did you learn to do that?" he asked.

I grinned. "Tom."

We started walking towards Quality Quidditch Supplies, giving up on our errand. It was one of those rare days that we all had off, and James had been able to get away from Lily for the afternoon. We didn't see so much of James anymore. I mean, he was around still, especially when it came to the Order, but Lily was so far along now, he was rather preoccupied.

Life had altered considerably in a very short time.

I was now spending very little time at my own apartment. Sirius tended to bring me home a lot, the exception being nights he was on duty and I was not. I think he was afraid to leave me alone.

I didn't blame him. It was no secret that I hadn't gotten over what had happened with Gideon. Sometimes, I dreamed about it and woke up screaming.

Sirius was always there, of course. He would roll over and pull me into his arms, never far away.

I wondered what the others thought of our odd arrangement, which to me did not seem so odd. I understood it would look strange to the outside observer. Sirius and I had gotten as close as two people can, knowing each other inside and out. He picked up on my habits and moods like no one I had ever known.

This was beginning to be a bit of a problem. As Harry's birth drew closer, I grew more anxious, knowing we would have barely more than a year after that, knowing this was the fulcrum around which the past and the future spun.

Sirius didn't say anything, but he was always watching, scrutinizing me.

Which is funny, because I had never considered Sirius to be an observant person. And, truth be told, he wasn't. He just knew me very, very well, and I had no idea how that had happened.

I worried about him. For obvious reasons, mostly, but also because his habits had changed. He had thrown himself full-force into the Order. I think he liked the danger, the risk of it. Of course if any of us ended up in the same danger his attitude changed completely. But that was Sirius, always willing to risk his own life, never his friends'.

And then his social life was different. He stuck much closer to the other Marauders, especially James, and to me. I don't even think he was dating anyone, which was _very_ unusual.

I would have known too, since I so often crashed with him.

Whether this was because of me, or because there were other, more important things to occupy him, I don't know.

He and James were coming out of the store when we arrived.

"Empty-handed?" asked Remus in surprise.

"Yeah, there's nothing really new," said James.

"Maybe people have more important things to worry about than Quidditch," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah, uh, Moony?" said Sirius. "I thought we agreed not to talk about that today."

Remus nodded. "Shall we then?"

We all left Diagon Alley, choosing instead to wander around a park in Muggle London. It was a nice break from our usual routine.

Sirius fell into stride beside me, watchful as ever. I found myself shaking my head slightly at the move, staring wide-eyed at the pavement passing under my feet.

When I looked up again, Remus was watching me, amused. With a quick glance at Sirius, I fell back so I could talk to him.

"What?" I asked, when I was sure James and Sirius couldn't overhear.

"It unnerves you, doesn't it?" Remus asked.

"I just don't get it," I said. "He's always_ there_."

Remus chuckled. "He's just being protective, of himself as well as you."

I wrinkled my forehead at him in confusion.

Remus looked away, staring off at nothing for a bit before answering. I waited patiently.

"He's...trying to hold on to you, to keep you from slipping away, or worse," he said slowly. "It's partly the war, partly just you. I think, when we first met you, he somehow got the idea that you weren't really _here_, and he's been afraid every since that someday he'd wake up, and you'd be gone. I know it doesn't make sense."

_Not to you._

"It's not just that though," I said. "He's changed. He's..."

"Growing up?" Remus offered, a slight smile twitching at his lips. "Amazing, isn't it?"

I sniggered. "It's sad really. It wasn't that long ago we left school."

He knew what I meant. "It's hard, but thing's aren't all that different. Marauders for life, and all that."

I looked ahead at where James and Sirius were walking, and was suddenly very glad Peter wasn't with us. There would have been a chill then, whereas now there was only sunshine, and another blessed memory to store up for when I couldn't make any more.

We ate dinner in Godric's Hollow that night. Lily was looking quite round, and I made sure to complement her. James was practically glowing with pride, and Harry hadn't even been born yet.

"He's going to play Quidditch, I know it," he said. Lily just rolled her eyes.

I went home with Sirius after. I was starting to feel bad about Caspian, who was enduring a lot of neglect. I made sure to feed him, of course, but that's not quite enough for the best of cats. Caspian could be strangely clingy.

I made us some tea, and Sirius and I settled on the couch in front of the fire before going to bed. I liked us like that, quiet and content.

"It could be the common room fire, and we could be back at Hogwarts," Sirius said suddenly.

"Nah," I said. "There are less extra people here."

"I never thought I'd say this, but I miss school," he said.

I laughed. "You don't miss school. You miss doing all the things you weren't supposed to be doing at school."

He grinned. "Yes, yes I do." He stretched his arms above his head and yawned. "Life was considerably better then."

"It was," I said, staring more intently into the fire. The flames and danced and quivered, capturing my already wandering attention.

"Kara?" a tense voice said, very close to my face. I turned to look at Sirius. His brow was furrowed.

I smiled at him. "Stop worrying, Sirius. I'm not going to vanish."

He leaned back, still staring at me. "Promise?"

I cocked my head to one side. "Not into thin air, at any rate. With the war..."

He nodded. He understood I had to be practical about my promises.

It was usually he who made the first move, responding to some unspoken need one of us had. This time it was my turn to put down my cup, to slide along the couch and lean into him, pulling my knees up.

I fit against him like I belonged there, like I was one half of something that was broken.

But I could try any brand of glue I liked, nothing would hold us together.


	23. The Beginning Of The End

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) There's a Monty Python line hidden in this chapter, as well as one from the movies.

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 22: The Beginning Of The End

"He's pudgy," Sirius declared.

"He's a baby, Sirius, he's supposed to be pudgy," said Remus.

"I know that!" retorted Sirius irritably. "But he's more pudgy than he should be...kind of throws off the James-resemblance."

"What were you expecting?" I said. "Bony little Quidditch player as soon as she popped?"

We were seated at the Potter's kitchen table, staring at the delicate little world-saver I had somehow ended up holding. Peter was seated directly across from us, looking awkward, and James and Lily were off somewhere else in the house.

"I should buy him a broom," Sirius said in response to my question. Remus and I rolled our eyes.

"I feel like I'm going to break him," I told them. "Anyone else want a go?" I looked up hopefully. Holding Harry made me feel odd. My first instinct was to protect him, my next was to drop him and run. His birth meant the death of everyone I cared about.

At the same time I felt I had to be very, very cautious around him, as though I could hurt him somehow.

_So you're the one we're doing all this for? You're the reason everything will happen._

_Funny, I almost want to hate you, but I can't._

_Maybe because I know you'll have it worse than any of us._

_I wish I could spare us both._

Sirius held out his arms, and I eased Harry into them.

"Hold him like this," I instructed, moving his large hand to support Harry's head. (Yes, I know how to hold a baby.)

Sirius looked down at the hero in his arms with a grin. Not his usual cocky, amused grin. This was different. It was a smile of such pure love I can't begin to describe it. He reached a couple of enormous-looking fingers towards Harry's tiny face, straightening the blanket around him. One of Harry's little hands escaped and caught Sirius' fingers, making Sirius start. But then his expression softened again into that smile, and I knew, right then, that very little would matter more to him than Harry.

I suppose that being James' son had something to do with it, but Harry had a charm of his own.

My heart cried out silently for them both.

James laughter sliced abruptly into my thoughts. I looked up to him and Lily standing at the entrance to the kitchen.

"We're going to want him back, Padfoot," James teased.

Sirius' grin widened. "I'll give him back. I don't want to suffer the wrath of Lily."

Lily's smile was just as brilliant. She walked over to watch Harry over Sirius' shoulder. "He likes you."

"Of course he does!" said Sirius. "Who wouldn't?"

Remus launched into a list of teachers, ex-girlfriends, and Death Eaters. He was starting to say a name that sounded suspiciously like "Walburga," when Sirius cut him off.

"That's enough out of you."

Lily planted a soft kiss on the top of Sirius' head before going to get us all some wine. She still wasn't drinking, but it didn't mean the rest of us couldn't celebrate.

James sat down with a happy sigh. "Sirius," he said.

We all looked up at the meaningful tone.

"We want you to be godfather," said James.

It was one of those rare moments where Sirius was at a loss for words. He opened and closed his mouth several times, but the sparkle in his eyes was enough for James.

"Which means," James continued, "that if something should happen to Lily and I..."

"James, you know you don't have to ask," said Sirius very quietly.

"Good," said Lily, who was now stationed behind James' chair. "Because we already put it in the will."

"I'm honored by your confidence in me," said Sirius.

"And I'm shocked that you haven't dropped Harry," said Remus.

_This sucks._

I was having vision problems. It was like I could see a web fanning out across the table, its fine silver threads interconnecting all the people who sat there. As Sirius made some reply that I didn't hear, the vision changed, so that the lines binding Peter to the rest of them glowed red.

I shook my head quickly.

"Alright there, Kara?" said James, and I realized I must look a little strange, but the weirdness was gone.

"Fine," I answered him. "But enough of this gay banter. Lily, where's that wine?" James served us while Lily retrieved their son.

"Fine set of examples you lot will be," she said as she left the room to put him in his cradle.

"What's wrong with us?" asked Peter.

_Well, for starters, you're a murdering traitor_.

"We're delinquents," said Sirius cheerfully. "Not fit to be around children."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," said James.

"I work at a pub," I said. "Enough said."

We all raised our filled glasses then.

"To Harry James Potter," said Remus. "May he do great things."

_Hear, hear._

We drained our glasses in silence, and I thought about how we always seemed to be toasting something. As if we needed a _reason_ to get drunk.

"What am I going to do with all of you alcoholics?" Lily chided as she came back into the room.

"You're just jealous because you can't join us," said Sirius.

"I'll ask Dung if he knows any good AA programs," I offered.

"What's AA?" asked Remus curiously.

"Alcoholics Anonymous," I explained. "Support group for Muggle addicts."

"Hah!" said James. "No good! There's nothing anonymous about us!"

"I'll drink to that!" said Sirius, launching us into another round of toasts.

"You know, when we're old and gray..." James began. Inwardly, I groaned.

"If we live that long," Peter put in. I paused in my mental agony to stare at him. I could hear the fear in his voice, see the lines of strain it wove across his face. What was it that would finally push him to the edge?

Lily scowled at him. "None of that tonight! James, what were you saying?"

James was on his third glass of wine. "I...have no idea," he said happily.

Sirius sniggered. "This is good stuff, Evans."

"Thank you, _Black_."

"Alright," said Remus. "I need to be going before I can't apparate. Kara, do you need an escort? Or are you going home with Sirius?"

"No on both counts," I told him, glaring. There had been a hint of heckling in the question.

He laughed. "I'll be by the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow. I have a proposition for you."

I raised my eyebrows in interest, but he was already at the door.

Sirius looked at me. "Maybe he's going to ask you to marry him."

I stretched my arms over my head. "Maybe I'll say yes."

I thought I heard him growl in response.

At the head of the table, James was smiling stupidly, his eyelids half-shut.

I laughed. "I think that's our cue. Thank you, Lily, and congratulations again. He really is the most beautiful boy."

She smiled broadly. "He is, isn't he? And thank you."

Peter's head hit the table, making us all jump.

Lily sighed. "I guess I'd better make up the couch."

"I'll take him to my place," said Sirius. "Since Kara isn't coming."

"I can be replaced by Peter?" I said standing up.

"Of course not," said Sirius as he struggled to loop one of Peter's arms over his shoulders. "But I'll take what I can get."

We made our way to the door.

"'Night Prongs!" Sirius called over the shoulder Peter wasn't snoring on. "Lily, you have a beautiful family. Honestly, those Dursleys should be quite jealous."

"Goodnight, Sirius," Lily said, looking amused.

"Bye," I told them both, stepping out.

Outside, there was a strong wind. It swatted at my face, pulling my hair loose to swirl dramatically around me.

"You really going home, love?" Sirius asked. I turned to find him watching me.

I nodded. "Caspian needs feeding."

And I needed a moment to catch my breath before the plunge.

"Goodnight then."

He turned on the spot and was gone.

I lifted my face up to the wind, letting it rush over me with a howl.

_Storm's coming, Harry._

**hahasxybitch**: Yeah, I rather suck at summaries. If you have a better one, let me know. But thank you for giving it a chance! I'm glad you like it.

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Soon enough for you? I may or may not get another chapter up late tonight. Or tomorrow, depending on what time zone you're in.

**Keisha.cl**: For real? I'm sorry. I'll miss you. I don't have any plans of killing off Kara at the moment. She's gotta be around at least until Sirius gets out of Azkaban.

**AudioAesthetic**: I'll change my pen name to "The Dealer."

Thank you, thank you, thank you. My brother thanks you too. He gets excited when I tell him I get good reviews. He's knee-deep in_ The Order of the Phoenix_ at the moment, for the first time, mind you. He's not really a reader, so it's funny to see him so enthralled.


	24. Suspicion

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 23: Suspicion

I knew it as soon as it had happened. I was waiting for it, of course, determined not to be taken by surprise. It was like constantly being on patrol All along the watchtower, one lone guard was pacing, eye steady on the horizon.

It was at the end of September, and the reason I caught it so quickly was because we were having a bit of an Indian summer, and the weather was extremely warm for that time of year.

Most of us had temporarily stripped down to a minimal amount of clothing. Peter however, had suddenly gone back to long sleeves.

Sleeves that no doubt concealed a very ugly mark on his left forearm.

It was excruciating, the waiting. I held on to every moment of them while that last year lasted.

And then, barely a month before we were out of time, things got even worse.

I remembered one of the Sorting Hat's songs as I stood there, glaring at Sirius because I could do little else. I should have remembered this was coming, but he was being utterly unreasonable, and I was filled with fury that he was wasting what precious time was left.

"You cannot be serious," I told him furiously.

Sirius glowered down at me. He spoke slowly, plainly, as though explaining something to a child. I didn't care for his condescension.

"I'm perfectly serious," he said. "This is the situation, and I have to consider every possibility."

_Every possibility except the only one that's right, the only one that makes sense._

_The only one I can never suggest._

"It's not a possibility," I said. I had to choose my words carefully, or I would cease to be able to speak. I couldn't outright deny his accusation, because, while it wouldn't be changing anything, it would be giving something away. "How can you even think that? You're supposed to be his friend!"

"I am his friend," said Sirius sourly. "At least as much as he is mine. Kara, you have to admit, his behavior has been...odd."

"Odd how?" I asked, not even caring about the answer. "What are you talking about?"

"You must have noticed," said Sirius, "how he keeps disappearing for spaces. He's never around, he's so busy."

My jaw dropped. "It_ that_ it? Is that why you think he's the spy? Sirius, he lost his job!"

Sirius' eyes narrowed.

I went on quickly, sensing an opening. Anything to get him to listen, to see reason. I couldn't take this...dissension, this distrust of one of my truest of friends. We were supposed to be a team, the cords of an unbreakable bond.

Well, except for one of us, but Sirius was talking about the wrong one!

"He's been trying to track down other work," I said. "When he finds a possibility, he just goes for it. He doesn't bother to tell anyone about it because...well, partly because telling people will get his hopes up, and partly because he's embarrassed."

"He told you, though," Sirius said, clearly unconvinced.

I sighed. "He came to me about a year ago, after his first employer found out about him being a werewolf. He said he couldn't afford his flat anymore, and if I wanted, I could have it. He knew I was looking for a new place."

"Which I notice you still haven't gotten."

I clenched my teeth. "I've had other things on my mind. Besides, that's not the point. I told him to hold out, and he did, and it worked out at the time. But, Sirius, he's been through five jobs in the last year alone. Those registration laws last year really made things difficult."

Sirius sighed. "I know. I feel bad for him, really, but..."

"But nothing. The entire world is against him, when they should be worrying about Death Eaters. It'd be nice if he could at least count on his friends."

"Kara," said Sirius. "_I _wish we could count on our friends. But someone within the Order is passing information to Voldemort, and it's someone close."

"I refuse to believe for one moment that it's Remus," I said firmly.

_BECAUSE IT'S _PETER_, YOU MORON!_

Sirius just shook his head. "I can't take any chances. Especially now that it's Lily and James on the line."

I nearly went into convulsions. Something had slammed into my gut, and I couldn't take it anymore. My breathing came out ragged, and I had to grip the table for support.

Sirius was at my side in an instant, supporting me until I could sit down.

I felt unbelievably ridiculous and painfully helpless.

He watched me carefully as I tried to calm down. I would have given anything to have told him the truth, to have saved them.

When I could speak again, I questioned him carefully. "What about me? Do you doubt me too?"

He recoiled from the question, as though I had somehow threatened or wounded him. I suppose my voice was a little bitter.

"No," he said quietly. "No, I have never doubted you."

"Why not? You've known Remus a lot longer than you've known me. Maybe I'm the spy."

His hand came up to gently brush the hair out of my face. His face had softened considerably as he met my eyes. "Two practical reasons," he said. "First of all, if you were sneaking away to meet with Death Eaters, I think I'd have some idea. I see you more than anyone."

_But not enough to realize that Remus has been talking to me more than you._

_Maybe because he's hurt that you don't trust him._

_How did we get here?_

"And also because Dumbledore said there was no chance. It did come up. Mad-Eye wanted every possibility considered, but when he brought up your name, Dumbledore shot the idea down so fast...It was rather impressive."

So Dumbledore had taken my side in the matter. He must also have known that I knew who the spy was, that if it weren't for the wretched charm, I could have told him everything he needed to know.

Did he also know that I knew he didn't trust Sirius?

Did Sirius know Dumbledore didn't trust him?

Of all the Dark Lord's weapons, dissent was the greatest.

"What are they going to do?" I asked, more as a courtesy than anything else.

He took a deep breath. "Go into hiding," he said. "We're still making the arrangements, and it may be a few weeks. I was going to go too. Not with them, elsewhere, because he'll know to look for me."

I didn't ask who he meant.

"Kara? Would you like to come with me?"

It's amazing when you know the entire plotline, down to the most mundane detail, and you can still be shocked.

I sighed. "I can't."

He nodded, but I noticed the shadows in his eyes had gathered even closer.

I shivered. "I really wish..."

"I know."

There are a million things I could have said then. Disgrace to Gryffindor that I am, I didn't say any of them. I was weak, and I was terribly afraid. I think he knew that much, at least.

But what of the rest of it? What of the, "I'll wait for you," "I'll believe in you, no matter what," or the incredibly overused "I love you"?

That last one was no longer a possibility. It was a definite. I had confirmed it to myself already, months before. I couldn't put it down to a hormonal desire to jump him. It wasn't just a teenage crush. I deeply, passionately loved him.

And I had to let him go. Had to let them all go. Not because of any noble sacrifice on my part, not because it was best for them, but because I was still held back by those marionette strings, still attached to whatever rule-makers had placed me here. I was still doing their dance.

Telling him I loved him wouldn't make a bit of difference to anyone.

I gazed into his eyes. His hair was shorter than he was wont to have it. He still looked unbelievably handsome. He was such a _dark_ man. Black hair, grey eyes.

His form was firm and perfect, not _too_ muscular, but by no means scrawny like James.

And he was tall. I had always liked tall guys.

I would have studied him forever if I could have.

He stood up, pulling me out of my chair as well. I could stand now, but even if I had not been able to, he would have held me. He encircled me firmly, and my arms came up to rest around his waist.

I let myself become lost in that moment, stored it up. Later, it would come back to me in dreams during the long years of his absence.

At the last second, as he pulled away, I stretched up to plant one careful, serene kiss on his cheek.

But, like Sunshine's "ten seconds that didn't go anywhere," I left it at that.

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: That wasn't anything, really, just her perception of everything that was going on. Call it a hallucination, if you want, although she's not crazy. I think maybe I was having a _Donnie Darko_ moment when I wrote it.

**GoodGirlzDead**: First of all, I love Tamora Pierce! Secondly, lol. In my brother's case, I think it was his girlfriend (whom I absolutely _adore_) that did it. She had him watch through all the movies, and then, literally the night we finished _Order of the Phoenix_, he came bursting in my room demanding to know where the first book was. Random fact that you probably don't care about: That same night, my old youth pastor _would _have to knock on the door _30 seconds_ before Sirius died. I basically screamed at him.

**ElizaMayCullen**: No.

**Geriana**: I'm not entirely in the know about the whole godfather/godmother thing, but I'm pretty sure it's if you're a guy you get a godfather, and a girl a godmother, not both. I could be completely wrong, however.

I am loving all the questions about Sirius and Kara's relationship. The fact that I have so many people asking when they're finally going to a move on thrills me to no end, I can't even tell you, because it means you care about my character.

I don't want to give anything away, so I'm just going to have to ask you all to trust me.

I love you all! Thanks so much for your continued support! (Great, I'm babbling_ and_ I sound like a pompous person of the corporate persuasion. Ugh. That means it's time for bed.) Goodnight!


	25. A LongExpected Parting

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Title modified from Tolkien. Ending quote from "The Hollow Men," by T.S. Eliot.

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 24: A Long-Expected Parting

Ever have a friend that you couldn't remember exactly how you met? My best friend was like that. I remember the first time I saw her, remember thinking she seemed annoying. I remember key moments along our road to becoming so close, remember how I cried the day she got married and moved away forever (the two glasses of wine I'd consumed didn't help), but I don't remember meeting her.

Goodbyes are easy though. Last looks are permanent. Last words..._burn._

Imagine, if you will, a young woman. She is standing just inside the doorframe of a pub, facing out. The sunshine is blinding, almost hypocritical. Her legs are spread firm; she is a pillar, ready for action. And yet her arms hang useless at her sides. Her long hair hangs loose, halfway down her back. Her eyes have shadows both below and within them.

At the door, a young man pauses. He has messy black hair and hazel eyes obscured by glasses. Just beyond him, another young woman with long red hair and green eyes and a baby in her arms waves to the first woman. The young man turns and grins. His last words...

"See you at Christmas, alright?"

The woman in the pub's lips purse together, and she nods. Anyone can tell it is a lie. The man hesitates, troubled, but he really has no time. So he throws her one last half-smile and is gone.

The woman watches long after they are out after sight.

Then a shout catches her attention, a call for more mead, and she hurries to answer it. She slips back into the steps of everyday life, for that is all she has from this moment onward.

I saw Remus later that night.

"So they're off, are they?" he asked me as he slid into his customary place at the counter. My shift had ended hours before, but I couldn't stop moving. I'd told Tom he needn't bother paying me.

"Yes," I said quietly.

"Kara," Remus said softly, catching at my hand as I set a bottle of butterbeer in front of him.

I have no idea what he saw in my eyes as I looked at him, but he nearly recoiled.

"It'll be alright," he said, still holding my hand.

_Why do people always say that, when they really have no idea? Is it supposed to be reassuring that just because someone has abandoned their own worries long enough to proclaim that everything will be alright, it will?_

_What utter nonsense._

"Did you get to see them?" I asked him, withdrawing my hand.

"Briefly," he said. "They were sure in a hurry. Dumbledore was getting anxious, I suppose."

"Can't blame him," I said.

"Alright, Kara," came Tom's gruff voice from behind me. "That's quite enough. You're off."

"Just let me polish these–"

"No," Tom said firmly. "Lupin? Will you take her home?"

"Come on, Kara," Remus said, standing up. "Nightcap at my place."

I reluctantly set down the towel and glass I was holding, then glared at Tom as I discarded my apron. He was unfazed.

"But be back here by three tomorrow!" he called as we left.

"Any idea when you'll be seeing them again?" asked Remus as we walked to his flat. It was only a few blocks from the Leaky Cauldron, and this was a night for physical effort, not wimpy apparating.

I shook my head. "James said to expect a letter in a few days, and that he hoped I'd at least make it for the holidays. Sirius...well, he said he'd be in touch."

"Which could mean anything," said Remus.

"Right," I said.

We were silent for quite a while.

_How curious it is that it's already just the two of us,_ I thought. _The ones left behind..._

I had to get out of these thoughts.

"Any news on the job front?" I asked, hoping my tone was light. I could tell by the sideways glance he gave me that Remus wasn't fooled, but he went along with it anyway.

"No," he said with a sigh.

Hoping to be encouraging, I looped my arm around his waist. Or maybe I just needed the contact. Oddly, he responded by draping his arm across my shoulders.

"I'll figure it out," he said.

The beginnings of a plan were starting to form in my head, but I didn't want to ask him about it just yet.

We had a relatively quiet night, not speaking much, and when we did it was about books or Quidditch or some nonthreatening topic. I crashed on his couch.

Sirius didn't actually go into hiding like he'd planned. I think he was trying to tempt Voldemort to come after him and thereby take the static off Peter, though of course the change of plans wasn't something any of them discussed with me. It was amazing how much that man was willing to throw himself in front of all kinds of metaphorical moving buses for his friends.

All the same, I didn't see much of him in that last week. He came by the pub a few times, always in a hurry. I don't know whether he was busy with Auror or Order business.

The last time I saw him was October twenty-ninth. I was off (something I'd grumbled about relentlessly to Tom), and he came to my little apartment, which was seeming more pitiful every year.

He had a letter from James, which I tore open greedily, then stuffed under my mattress. I would make a box, later, of things I needed, things to help me remember.

Sirius smirked at me. "I hope you save my letters that way."

"You never send me any letters."

"I'll start then." His tone changed, his face...Maybe it was just the tension radiating off me, maybe he was just uneasy.

Either way, it wouldn't do.

"Where are you off to tonight?" I said, trying to help us both along.

"Nowhere," he said. "I'm all yours."

"I'll be sure to take advantage of that," I quipped. He smiled again.

"Have a seat," I said, indicating my rickety little table. You'd have thought I would have gotten better furniture, but nope. I was still living in the only room Tom was ashamed of, now crowded by a second bookshelf.

Caspian jumped to curl into my lap.

"So why are you wasting your time with little old me on your only night off?" I prodded, since Sirius didn't show any interest in carrying the conversation.

"Where else would I be?" he asked.

_With Moony_. But I didn't say it out loud.

It wasn't an extremely interesting last talk. It was just normal stuff, the usual jokes, but without the usual enthusiasm behind them. We didn't sit up very late, and of course he stayed.

I let myself give in that night, just a little bit, so that when I spread myself against him I made sure to be as close as possible. I suppose I clung to him, in a way, but he made no protest.

When I awoke the next morning, he was gone.

Most people, out there in the world I used to call "real," get news from the television. You could be sitting in your living room, or in a grill and tap room, and suddenly some disaster will flash across the screen while some insensitive person explains it with relish.

I worked at a pub, and I never read _The Daily Prophet_, because my customers provided me with just as inaccurate an account of what was going on.

It was very late on October thirty-first.

Most people were still out of bed, celebrating Halloween or what have you.

There was a full-blown party going on at the Leaky Cauldron.

I got lucky in one thing: Remus was there. In the end, I didn't have to face it alone.

Some random wizard– I don't know his name, never cared to find out. To me, he was nothing more than a banshee– came running right into the middle of everything.

"HE'S DEAD!" he shrilled. "HE'S BEEN DEFEATED!" His voice was amazingly high-pitched. It had to be, to get the attention of that crowd.

"Who's dead?" Tom called out, the one voice of reason amidst the shocked onlookers.

"HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED!"

There was a classic moment of stunned silence. Then someone– I think it was Diggle– squeaked out, "What?"

"It's true," said the wizard, coming up to the counter. He was a good distance from Remus and me, which was fortunate for him.

"Alright then," said Tom, not bothering to ask for his order, "out with your story. Who defeated him."

"Little Harry Potter!" declared the man.

Remus jumped as though he had been hit with a defibrillator. My heart had leveled with my eardrums. I could feel it pounding: in, out, in out.

"Don't talk nonsense, man," said Tom irritably.

There was a loud _BOOM_ from outside, and the entire crowd jolted as one.

"See?" said the wizard proudly. "I told you! Fireworks! To celebrate the death of the Dark Lord!"

Suddenly everyone was talking at once.

"What happened?" someone asked.

"How did he do it?" said another.

"Isn't he just a boy?" said Captain Obvious.

"No one knows how he did it!" said the wizard inadequately. "You-Know-Who tried to zap him and– _wham_! He was dead instead!"

"The boy's alive?" asked Tom incredulously.

"Yes, he's alive," said the wizard, as though this should have been obvious.

"What about his parents?" same the same squeaky voice from before. "James and Lily Potter? Are they alright?"

"Oh, uh, no, they're dead," said the news-wizard insensitively.

The man should have been on CNN.

But it was a relief. It was the release of tension, the ease of limbs that held themselves up impossibly long. There was comfort in knowing that I could finally let go, finally give in.

So when I sank to the floor behind the counter it was as much in rest as in pain.

I vaguely heard Tom calling for Remus, but Remus didn't come. It didn't matter. Let him grieve. He didn't need to take care of me right then. Let him bear his own burden, for a change.

I would get up soon and help him.

This was my chance to stop fighting.

Eventually there were arms around me, lifting me to my feet, but it was Tom himself. Several customers were staring, but most were celebrating, jubilant.

They didn't understand that the saving of their world was the end of mine.

I was passed off, like a sack of potatoes or some other undesired object, and Remus was holding me. We held each other, really, and staggered out of there. Once in the street we both summoned up what concentration, what command of our limbs we had left, and apparated to his apartment.

We didn't talk. There was no need to.

I crouched on the floor, denying myself the comfort of a chair. Chairs were for people who wanted to feel.

Remus sagged onto the kitchen counter, his face in his hands.

Time held no meaning for either of us. My face was wet and salty. I could taste it in my mouth, feel my lungs burn. At one point I sobbed so hard I was hiccuping and gasping for breath. Remus didn't offer help, and I didn't ask for it.

At about ten o'clock the following morning, Dumbledore arrived. The fireworks were still going outside. The wizarding world was booming, and I felt like the discarded shell of a hand grenade. The damage was done, and all they cared about was the bang.

"They caught Sirius," Dumbledore said without preamble. Remus and I were both standing now, in the center of the room.

Neither of us asked what he meant. Even to Remus, it was obvious.

"Everything you've no doubt heard is true, the good and the bad," Dumbledore went on.

"Harry?" asked Remus, his voice grating like sandpaper on a chalkboard.

"Is perfectly well," said Dumbledore. "He'll have quite the scar though."

"What happened?" said Remus.

"It was Lily's doing," said Dumbledore, and I was almost surprised at the straightforward explanation. "Her sacrifice, that saved him, because she refused to step aside."

I didn't watch as Remus processed this information, the awfulness of it. I didn't want to imagine what he felt.

"What will happen to him?" I asked, and I knew as Dumbledore looked at me that he was aware I didn't really need an answer.

"I'm going to leave him with Lily's sister," said Dumbledore. "He will be raised outside the wizarding community, where the pressures and prejudices that would no doubt be placed upon him need not have a hand in his upbringing."

Remus nodded. I was mute.

"There's more," said Dumbledore. I braced myself, sure it was nothing but a lie this time, and that it would not be sorrow, but anger I would need to deal with. Time to get back to concealing emotion. My brief window of mourning was past.

"Peter is also dead."

Remus' eyes widened in shock. I couldn't muster the enthusiasm to fake the same reaction, but neither of them were paying attention.

"What?" Remus said hoarsely.

"He went after Sirius," said Dumbledore quietly. "Sirius killed him and twelve others, Muggles, before we caught him."

Remus sank into a chair now, his whole body shaking.

"I am sorry," said Dumbledore. "I have to leave you both now. I have important business to attend to, you must understand."

Neither of us responded, and he was gone with ending credits as weak as his overture.

Remus was muttering to himself. "I...I can hardly believe it..."

"I _don't_ believe it," I said flatly.

Remus looked up at me, eyes too weak to register the full extent of his bewilderment. "What?"

"Sirius betrayed James?" I said. "You can't honestly believe that, Remus."

"Kara, what else could have happened?" his voice wasn't truly angry. He sounded as if he didn't have enough life in him for anger.

"I don't know," I lied. "But there has to be another explanation."

He growled at me, turning his face downward again.

I hadn't meant to get his temper up, just...I couldn't let it go unsaid, even if it didn't make any difference.

Which it wouldn't, obviously, or I wouldn't have been able to say it.

"I'm sorry," I said. I walked over to him. "I'm sorry, Remus. I..."

He stood up abruptly and pulled me into his arms. I locked my hands behind his back and felt myself start shaking again.

I didn't want to make him angry. He was all I had left.

The rest of that day, the wizarding word continued to celebrate.

Remus and I stayed indoors. I lay on his couch, with my head in his lap. We both stared off into space. His hand absently stroked at my hair.

"This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper"

– T.S. Eliot

**DemonicChick888** and **Lady Black**: No Azkaban angst, sorry. Next chapter is going to jump ahead.

**JenCarpeDiem**: Thanks for the cookies!

**Geriana**: Thanks for the thought-hug!

**ElizaMayCullen**: I think they've realized it, they're just stupid. And is that Cullen as in Edward Cullen? Could there be another _Twilight_ fan out there?

Special thanks to **GoodGirlzDead** and** ThinkThatPinkThang** for the info about godparents.

Thank you all sooooo much. You're amazing.


	26. The Sun Is Always Brightest

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own_ The_ _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Props to anyone who can catch the very-well hidden Tolkien reference in this chapter.

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

**Part Three: Agape**

Chapter 25: The Sun Is Always Brightest Just Before Twilight

_Fourteen Years Later..._

"Kara! Table seven!"

"I'm on it, Tom! Don't get your wand in a knot!"

"That better not be another one of your insinuations!"

"Oh, surely not."

I wrapped my hair, now grown to extremes, up in a knot at the top of my head, and scurried through the bustling crowd to the nefarious table seven.

We were fairly busy that night, for no apparent reason, and Tom was keeping us all hopping. I was waitressing, instead of staying behind the bar like I usually did. Over the years I had learned to do it all, from cooking to washing dishes. Tom called me his "all-purpose person."

You know how I said the Leaky Cauldron was where I got all my news? I had developed an entire system for doing so. As I flitted between tables, I would listen for a conversation topic that would interest me, eavesdropping, I suppose. Then, even as I moved away, I would keep track of the thread of conversation, tuning out all other sounds. I did this until it ceased to interest me anymore. This may sound difficult, but when you work in a noisy pub all the time, you develop all sorts of special skills. Tuning out the unnecessary or the unpleasant is one of them.

Balance is another. But when you're walking past a table and hear someone exclaim:

"Did you hear that Harry Potter won the Triwizard Cup?"

...You can't be blamed for walking straight into a chair and toppling over, complete with your tray of drinks.

I even managed to register the other wizard's irritated response of, "Yeah, yeah, Perkins. That was two days ago, give us some real news" before I hit the ground.

"Kara! Are you alright!" Tom was rushing over, helping me up. Several customers were on their feet, more concerned about getting out of the path of the flying alcohol than about me.

My mind was whirring.

_Tri-wha-wha?_

_Two days ago?_

_Then that means..._

I pulled myself to my feet, dripping with butterbeer and ale.

"I'm fine, Tom," I mumbled, and tried to pull myself back into the present, into my non-exciting, beer-encrusted stable life. The one that didn't include fighting Death Eaters or knowing the future or anxiously waiting for...

No. Couldn't think of him. That would only get me into more trouble.

I shook myself off, spraying Tom and a few other people, and marched back to the kitchens to get a mop.

I could wait later. Right now, I had to clean.

Surprisingly, I made it through. I managed to pull it together, to distract myself with the work in front of my face rather than latch onto the events that were more than just possible, they were going to happen.

I managed not to spend the entire night wondering where he was.

As soon as I left the Leaky Cauldron though, the thoughts swarmed up on me, over-powering my already addled brain. I felt my blood pumping fast, my hands shaking in excitement.

I had to calm down, or it was going to be a very rough night.

_Where is he?_

Hadn't he left the same night the Tournament ended? Shouldn't he have already arrived? Two days already!

How long did it take to get from Hogwarts to London? As the dog runs?

I had known he would be coming, of course. I had kept track of the year well, but somehow the exact date had escaped me. This was, perhaps, quite negligent of me, but to be fair, if I had spent all that time anticipating, I would have driven myself mad.

I had known I couldn't do it, and, after the first few months, Remus and I had pulled each other up, and gotten on with our lives.

Only I knew it was just a hiatus.

Even after Remus' urgent apology the previous June, I had kept it all locked down. Spending the past year hoping for a sign of him would have made me loose it completely.

And, as I actually believe I live in J.K. Rowling Land, I'm crazy enough as it is.

The flat was dark when I entered it, save for the play of moonlight in a thin stream across the floor. The window was left wide-open, even when we weren't there...

Then why are the curtains closed?

I barely had time to register this before I was knocked roughly into the wall. Bony fingers were mashing into my arm, and a hand was flung furiously across my mouth, its corresponding forearm stretched along my collarbone.

Some habits die hard.

I stomped hard on my attacker's foot. As he bent with the force of it, I brought my knee up into his gut.

He stumbled back, still doubled over, then he rushed at me. But I was ready. I met him head on, and we both tumbled to the floor.

There was a rough struggle. I noted, despite everything, that he didn't seem to be trying to hurt me. He never attempted a blow. He was only trying to hold me down, which he eventually succeeded in doing. He lay on top of me, holding me securely beneath him, his hand once more clamped over my mouth.

The lack of outright violence did nothing to alleviate my worries. In fact, it increased them.

And his first words didn't help.

"This will be much easier if you don't struggle."

I froze, obeyed. But it wasn't his words, or the thin warning lacing them that stilled me. It was the voice.

The voice was cracked and rough, like rusty metal, and yet I knew it. Knew it so well, I never doubted for a second.

"No screaming, alright?" that dearest of voices said.

I nodded, transfixed.

Slowly, he removed his hand.

"Sirius?" I whispered.

He was off me in an instant. I rolled to my feet. Years of waiting tables while balancing large trays had given me a grace I never would have possessed in my younger years. I crossed the room to check that the curtains were indeed closed, then I pulled out my wand and muttered a quick spell. The lamps came on.

He was wan, wasted, a shell of a man no longer living. If it weren't for the cold horror in his eyes, Mila Jovovich would have knocked his head off. But zombies don't feel pain, or guilt. And Sirius' face was the essence of both.

His hair was shorter than the last wanted add I had seen. It rested on his shoulders, and it was as dirty and withered as his flesh. His clothes hung around him in bags. I wondered when his last meal had been.

You would think, having had fourteen years to ponder it, I would have had some fucking idea what to say.

Nope.

Hey, Sirius, how's it going?

Hullo Sirius. How's being on the run?

Sirius! Those Azkaban guards are a kick, huh?

Yeah, uh, no.

"Moony's not here," I stated, honestly. "Full moon."

"I know."

He was looking at me strangely. I couldn't gauge his expression. Something was wrong, I knew that much.

Maybe he thought...

"He told me everything," I tried again. "I know about Peter."

He nodded again, but the furrow didn't leave his brow. His eyes were calibrating, like a trapped animal. So that wasn't it.

Next was the Molly-Weasley approach. "Can I get you anything? Do you need food? Are you hurt?"

_Damn, why is this so awkward?_

"Why are you here?" he asked.

_Ouch._

Like a slap across the face. So he was just disappointed to see me.

"Um," I said, chewing on my lip, trying to ignore the pain that had suddenly expressed a desire to be an ingredient in this mess. One cup awkward, two cups hurt. Empty directly into acid-covered stomach and stir until numb or dead. "I live here," I explained.

"Oh."

_Oh? What does that mean?_

_Why can't I understand you? It hasn't been _that_ long!_

_Yes, it has._

I waited this time. I couldn't play this game anymore. All I wanted was to throw my arms around him and not encounter an ironing board that didn't give Wormtail's ass about me.

I was being selfish and childish, but he was being inscrutable.

Remarkably, he caught on, and asked the next question. "So you and Remus are...?"

_You have got to be kidding._

I burst out laughing. He flinched at the sound.

"No!" I cried, perhaps too loudly. I stopped, listened, hoping the neighbors hadn't noticed. When there was no sound of anyone stirring, I continued. "Separate bedrooms and all, if you'll look down the hallway. But if you and Remus need some time to yourself, I will gladly crash elsewhere tomorrow night."

There was the hint of a smirk, the tiniest movement at the corner of the lip. I couldn't take away all his worries, but, honestly, with everything else going on, he didn't need that bit of difficult news.

Maybe now we could have a proper reunion.

I held my arms open. He hesitated a moment, then walked into them.

It wasn't immediate, but eventually I felt him relax, and then he held me so fiercely I thought I would burst.

"Kara?" he said softly.

"Sirius," I answered, my voice muffled by his shoulder. He felt so fragile, so thin.

He pulled back, and moved away so he could see me properly. His eyes disturbed me, they were so...dead, devoid of life. Sirius had always been so set on living life to the fullest.

Maybe he'd used up his portion when he was young.

"You look..." he started to say. I quirked an eyebrow.

"I look...?"

"Still beautiful," he said, his lips closing over the word with finality.

He wasn't flirting, just...stating his observations. I don't know what he thought of me, whether...well, we won't go there. It was like he was back in his element and yet completely out of it at the same time.

"Yeah, well, you look bloody awful," I said, refusing to let years of separation and Azkaban get in the way of traditional banter.

He chuckled, and something turned on in his face, like the flicker of a candle flame deep, deep within his eyes. It reminded me of the night I'd caught him screaming in his sleep, and he had attacked me without really being there...

I stepped back now, still feeling awkward.

"Have you been wearing those clothes since breaking out of prison?" I asked in shock. His robes were tattered and...well, they had a distinctive striping to them.

He looked down at himself. "Yes..." he said, a little sheepishly. "I reckon I'm a right mess."

Remembering the incident at the Leaky Cauldron earlier, I looked down at my own clothes, which were sticky and stained with ale. What a pair we made.

"Tell you what," I said practically. "I'll run you a bath, get you some clothes of Moony's to wear. While you're getting cleaned up, I'll fix you some dinner."

Sirius looked both immensely grateful and embarrassed. I led him through to the hallway that led from the dinning and sitting area to the bedrooms and bathroom. It was a very small apartment.

I let the water for the bath run, left him standing there watching it while I rummaged through Remus' closet. I came back with an old shirt and trousers.

"Here," I said. "I reckon they'll fit you. You're both so thin now."

It was true, and it disturbed me. It was like they'd faded, the living-ghosts of a generation that was never meant to endure.

The thought send a shudder through me.

"Are you alright?" Sirius was watching me closely.

"Yeah," I said, wondering how, after so many years, he could still pick up on every little twitch I made. "Just...you're not here for a social call, are you?"

He was suddenly very grim. "I'm afraid not. Dumbledore sent me."

"Something to do with Harry?"

He nodded.

"Well, can it wait till tomorrow when you can tell Remus too?" I said. This night was mine. The Dark Lord would still be there in the morning.

"I can," he said. I noticed there was some reluctance in the answer.

"Harry's alright, isn't he?" I added hastily.

Sirius smiled softly. "He's fine...A bit...Well, we can talk about it tomorrow. But he's fine."

"Alright," I said. "I'll let you make yourself smell better." I closed the door on him.

_How do you pick up where you left off after fourteen years?_ I wondered as I hurried about the kitchen, warming up the stew I had made a few nights before. _Or, like Frodo, is it simply impossible to pick up the threads of an old life? Is there no repairing the damage done?_

There was an invisible wall between me and Sirius, and its composition changed with each word we spoke.

I stirred the stew until it was quite warm, then cut up some bread as I let it simmer.

I wanted to throw my arms around Sirius, to hold him as I once had, to put all the pieces of our shattered selves back in place.

But it would be like holding an empty shell. Those pieces had been scattered to the four winds.

He appeared behind me almost silently. I suppose he had practice at avoiding detection. It must have been second nature to him.

I turned to face him. "Soup's done," I said, feeling my smile wobble. I moved to fetch a bowl, but Sirius caught my face with his hand.

"Kara, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

_And I'm definitely not going to cry._

His thumb came up to rub at the edge of my eyes, tracing the faint lines that had begun to develop there.

"Miss me?" he teased softly, a hint of the old Sirius in his eyes.

That did it. My eyes welled over.

"Oh, Kara," he said, and he pulled me close.

It's funny, even though we'd aged so, though we were both thinner and paler and older, we still fit into each other as though we'd been carved that way.

I felt so pathetic, standing there shaking in his arms, a thirty-four year old woman, that I almost didn't notice how tightly he held me, how his grip was almost desperate.

Maybe some threads can't be broken.

Eventually I settled him in front of his soup, and, despite his thinness, he ate through three bowls and most of the bread.

"Tell me about Harry," I said, when he'd slowed a bit.

He smiled then, a real smile, unhindered by demons. "He's incredible. He looks just like James. Haven't you met him?"

"I've seen him from a distance," I admitted. "Fudge...ah, didn't want us to meet. Something about my 'old allegiances.'"

"Meaning me," said Sirius.

"Meaning you," I confirmed. "But I take it you've seen a lot of him?"

He shook his head sadly. "No. We've been exchanging letters almost constantly, especially with everything that happened with the Tournament, but I'll tell you about that tomorrow."

I nodded and cut him another slice of bread.

"How long have you been living with Remus?" Sirius asked.

"Since a few months after...after you left," I said. "You remember how he couldn't get a job?"

He nodded.

"Well, it hasn't gotten any easier," I explained. "If I'm here too, at least there's always someone to pay the bills. I think it was a bit of a blow to his pride, but...Well, we've had no one else."

"I'm glad you two stuck together," he said understandingly. "But when you walked in...Well, I was a bit shocked."

I laughed again at his assumption. "It was never anything like that."

He looked around. "Where's Caspian?"

"He was a cat, Sirius. You can't expect him to have lived this long."

I said it curtly, as if I were chiding him for being foolish, but I was really pained by his bringing it up. Caspian's death had been a blow, mostly because he was my last link to my long-gone friends, but also because he was a constant in a world I knew I couldn't count on.

Having to pretend I didn't know the future had made me sort of jittery. Having everything taken from me had made me tough and leathery.

I would have ditched both qualities, given the option.

Sirius' lack of response indicated he knew exactly what was going through my head, but he didn't comment.

I cleaned up swiftly when he was done, then went to take a bath of my own. It was a quick one, just enough to get the grime and the pungent smell of alcohol off of me, but I felt much better afterwards. I combed out my long hair, then went out to join Sirius on the couch.

He looked at me, a question in his eyes. I looked back without challenge, and he moved to settle against me, his head on my shoulder, his arm resting lazily on my waist. I nearly started crying again.

**alyss92**: That's one of those questions I'm not willing to answer, sorry.

**Siry Pop**: I'd offer you a box of tissues if I could...

**Leent**: Thanks for sticking it out!

**Morning-Sunset**: lol Is your question answered?

**GoodGirlzDead**: Bah, as long as she locks up your computer with you, you'll be fine. :) And thank you.

**ElizaMayCullen**: Nothing wrong with Emmet either. :)

**Geriana**: Nope. He explains in _The Goblet of Fire_ how Barty Crouch sent him to Azkaban without a trial.

All the _Twilight_-related comments cracked me up! I'm actually new to the series. One of my friends practically threw it at me, so don't say anything about the third book, which I haven't read yet. :)

Writing this story is starting to take a real emotional toll on me. It's kinda crazy.

And I was suffering from serious writer's block when I wrote this chapter. Even though I knew what I wanted to happen, getting it out was a struggle.

Anyway, thank you all once again!


	27. Recalling The Order

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) There's also a line from _The Goblet of Fire_ movie in this chapter.

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 26: Recalling The Order

I woke up sprawled on my back. Sirius' face was buried between my side and the back of the couch. One of his arms was tucked around my waist.

I was quite comfortable.

It was early yet, and the curtains blocked out what sunlight there was. I looked around to see what had awoken me so abruptly.

There, standing in front of the door, was Remus.

He looked shocked.

He also looked incredibly tired. He was leaning heavily against the wall, and I could see he had lost some color in the past couple of days.

I tried to pry myself out from under Sirius without waking him, to no avail. He stirred, mumbling something.

"Sirius, it's Remus," I said softly. He was instantly alert. We climbed off the couch to help Remus sit down.

"You alright?" I asked immediately. "What do you need?"

"Explanations, first of all," he said, looking at Sirius. "Shouldn't you be somewhere less conspicuous?"

Sirius looked around at our modest apartment. "What could possibly be less conspicuous than this?"

I thought this was a bit unfair. Our flat may have been small, but we had successfully made it into a home. Okay, so Sirius' idea of a home probably wouldn't include three walls entirely covered in books, but, hey, it was Remus and I, and we had also added a couple of comfy armchairs.

"What are you doing here, Sirius?" Remus asked again.

"Dumbledore sent me," Sirius said.

The room stilled, and the ominousness of those simple words settled over us like a blanket.

It wasn't a suffocating kind of blanket. It was like being under a Disillusionment Charm. You didn't really feel it...not quite.

But the death you don't feel is still deadly.

"Alright, in a minute," I said. He had just gotten back, I refused to look any further than the next day, the next week. If I looked too far ahead...

I shook my head to dispel these thoughts.

"Tea," I said. "And then we'll talk."

As I got up to make it, I heard Remus teasing behind me. "Kara thinks tea is the cure for everything."

I put the water on, then collected the mugs.

"Bloody hell, Kara!" Sirius exclaimed. "Is there a teapot in all of England big enough to fill those?"

"Shut it," I said.

"I'll remember to get you a watering-trough for Christmas," he said.

I heard Remus chuckle.

When the tea was finished and we were properly settled around the living area, Sirius began his tale.

"Voldemort has returned," he told us. "Peter brought him back."

Faking surprise got really old after a while. I settled for widening my eyes.

"How do we know?" Remus asked.

"Harry was there," said Sirius.

Despite my foreknowledge, I shuddered.

"Is he alright?" Remus asked in alarm.

"He's..." Sirius hesitated, "troubled. One of his schoolmates was killed. Voldemort used Harry to...well, he had Peter use him to perform the ritual. Then he recalled his people. Harry was lucky to get away."

"Whoever set this up has been planning it all year," said Remus slowly.

"It was Barty Crouch Jr.," Sirius informed him, "disguised as Mad-Eye Moody."

Remus sucked in his breath through his teeth. "All year? All year it was Crouch teaching Defense? Not Moody?"

Sirius nodded.

"Sirius, he was right inside the school!"

"'The devils are inside the walls,'" I quoted.

"Exactly," said Sirius, "and they're not all out yet, either. Fudge refuses to believe he's back."

Remus spat out his tea. "_What_?"

"He thinks Harry's lost it, or Dumbledore, or something," said Sirius angrily. "Anyway, he's not going to do anything."

"So Dumbledore wants _us_ to," I filled in.

"He wants us to contact everyone from the Order," confirmed Sirius. "Alert them. Mad-Eye obviously knows already. Crouch had him locked in a trunk."

"For Polyjuice Potion," Remus said needlessly.

Sirius nodded. "Arabella Figg, Mundungus Fletcher..."

"I'll take care of that one," I said, rolling my eyes. "I know just where to find him."

"At the Leaky Cauldron?" asked Remus. He sounded amused.

"Probably hiding under the bar," I said. "What else?"

"He told me to lie low here for a while," said Sirius. "Said he'd contact us."

"We'll need a new place to set up Headquarters," said Remus thoughtfully. "We can't very well meet at the school if the Ministry will be watching us."

"I've had an idea about that," said Sirius, with a flicker of a mischievous grin.

"And what was that?" asked Remus, raising an eyebrow.

"My old house," said Sirius. "I did a little research. When Mum and Dad died, they actually left it to me."

"Not a place anyone would suspect..." Remus mused.

"And a nice slap in the face to your blood-obsessed parents," I said pointedly to Sirius.

He really did grin this time. "You know me well."

"Even after fourteen years?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Not much has changed."

"I don't know about that. Have you looked in a mirror lately?"

I had that day off. I always took the day after Remus' transformations off. Tom knew about his condition and allowed this, especially since I never really asked for any other time, even holidays. I suspected that, in the days to come, that would change.

We went after Fletcher first. That was easy. I just wandered into one of the more shady parts of town, grabbed him by the wrist, and turned on the spot. Poor man was so scared, he nearly went into hysterics. Can't blame him, mass-murderer and werewolf standing over him, not to mention one very intimidating bartender.

Remus was so diplomatic compared to the rest of us. He explained the situation quickly, told Dung to await information from Dumbledore and keep his trap shut,

"Or else," said Sirius threateningly. Dung had one last spasm and then dissapparated.

Next was Mrs. Figg. Remus brought her back to the flat, just like Dung, only much more quietly. She listened patiently to our story, her face white. When we were finished, she surprised us by throwing her arms around Sirius, crying softly and saying how very sorry she was she had ever doubted him.

"S'alright," he told her, patting her awkwardly on the back. "Everyone did."

"Not true," said Remus. "Kara didn't. Not for a second."

Sirius gave me the oddest of looks, but didn't say anything.

We moved on, collecting Dedalus, Sturgis, Hestia, and Emmeline in turn. I think the hardest part for all of them was seeing Sirius again. If any of them had any doubts, the knowledge that Dumbledore would soon speak with them personally was enough to keep them content for a day or two.

We didn't do it all in one day. Remus was far too exhausted for that, and Sirius and I were adamant about taking care of him. Also, I still had a job to hold down, and I wasn't keen on asking for time off until it was necessary. Tom wasn't stupid.

Sirius stayed in my room after that first night. It was easy falling into the old routine, and yet strangely uncomfortable. I tried to push thoughts of the coming year out of my head. I knew there was no way to make things easier, to put off the inevitable, but I wasn't ready to think about it, not yet. I was just so glad to have him back, I couldn't face letting him go.

Dumbledore showed up at the end of the week for a progress report. He was delighted with what little we could tell him, as if it were in itself a small victory. We hadn't done much, in my opinion, just pulled a few veterans back together.

Years before, we had been a bunch of battle-fevered teenagers in our prime. Now we were a pathetic lot of moldy outcasts.

Sirius' offer to use his ancestral home as headquarters was accepted immediately, with the condition that Moody check it out personally before anyone else entered it. Sirius agreed to this, of course, and in the end Sirius, Mad-Eye, and I all went in together. It was something like walking into a giant dustbunny. One that might explode at any given moment.

Sirius didn't seem surprised.

There was the inevitable skirmish about Harry, and how much he ought to be told. I made sure to be out of the room for that one. My opinion was fixed and useless. Sirius got a little irritated later at the loss of his only ally, but I shrugged my shoulders and told him Dumbledore wouldn't have listened to me anyway.

On our last night at the flat, I lay there, tracing the veins that were so obvious through Sirius' pale skin. He was so altered, so affected by everything that had happened. Yet somehow, he was still just as beautiful to me as the first day I'd seen him.

"You didn't believe it?" he asked me quietly.

I looked up at him.

"That I'd..." he couldn't quite say it. There were times he could say it, could work up the courage. But it wasn't necessary this time, and I didn't want to hurt him any more by making him.

"Didn't fit," I said.

He sighed, laying back. "You never liked Peter either."

I stiffened. What was he thinking? Did he know? How could he know? And if he did know, would I be able to acknowledge that he was right?

"Remind me never to underestimate you again," he said.

I breathed out, almost in relief. I considered myself almost as much a traitor as Peter, because I hadn't put a stop to any of it. I didn't even want to contemplate what Sirius would think of me.

Even as he moved to rest closer to me, I could feel the guilt gnawing a hole in my stomach.

**AudioAesthetic**: Tedious for me as well.

Thanks everyone!


	28. Red Team Go!

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 27: Red Team Go!

"Careful of the umbrella stand."

It was standard warning for entering the House of Black. I don't know why Sirius didn't just get rid of the ugly thing to begin with, it became such a nuisance.

"Right, maybe it's best if we go in one by one."

"But Mum, you said to get inside as quickly as possible."

"I know what I said! Barging in as one big lump isn't going to help much! Ginny, in you go. That's it."

"Please try to be quiet in the hallway."

I made my way slowly down the stairs that twisted through the levels of Grimmauld Place. At the bottom, completely out of their element, stood the Weaselys, like a pot of red-flowered plants.

Remus was standing in front of them, whispering instructions. He led them down into the kitchen. I followed unnoticed.

"This is really Sirius Black's house?" one of the twins was saying.

"It is," said Remus. "I'm not sure where he is at the moment."

"Upstairs, having a row with Dumbledore," I informed him, stepping forward. I shot a quick smile at the Weasleys before turning back to Remus. "And you might want to go run interference."

"Why didn't you do it?" asked Remus, frowning.

"Because I agree with Sirius," I said darkly.

Remus got the point instantly, and hurriedly rushed from the room. I turned back to Sirius' guests.

"Sorry about that," I said. "Things are a bit...confused at the moment."

"No bother," said Arthur warmly. He shook my hand. "How are you, Kara?"

Yes, I knew the Weasleys. Didn't I tell you I worked at the Leaky Cauldron? They were in there often enough, especially Arthur, being a Ministry worker. Though we weren't close, and I was certain the children at least weren't expecting me to be there.

"Dandy," I said. "How are you lot doing?"

"How do you know Sirius?" asked Ron as a response.

I smiled at him. "We're old friends."

"Did you know James Potter too?" he asked enthusiastically. "Why did you never tell Harry?"

"I've never actually met Harry," I admitted. "And yes, I knew James quite well."

"That's enough about that," said Molly, probably seeing the shadows that no doubt flitted across my face. "We need to get settled."

"Uh, Dumbledore will be down in a minute," I said. "He wants to talk to you. And then Sirius and I will help you find rooms. There's plenty of them, but they're a bit..."

"Filthy?" suggested Ginny, looking around the kitchen. Molly shushed her.

"I was going to say 'neglected,'" I said. "But I think 'ghastly' is probably more appropriate."

"Unfortunately, I have to agree," said Molly. "But we'll fix it up right."

I doubted whether anything could make Grimmauld Place "right."

"And by 'we,' you mean...?" one of the twins prompted warily.

"I mean myself and you lot," said Molly sharply.

"I'll help when I can," I assured her.

I surveyed the children's glum faces, noticing for the first time a brown-haired misfit. She was one of those girls that would be extraordinarily pretty if she put the effort into it, but, as it was, you had to look for it.

"Hermione Granger?" I guessed.

"Yes," she said in surprise.

"Sirius told me you're the brains of the group," I said.

She smiled smugly.

"Well, it's certainly not Ron," said Fred– I think.

An angry shout boomed from upstairs.

"Whaddaya know?" I said. "The second war's begun already."

"What seems to be the problem?" Arthur asked.

"Harry, mostly," I told him.

"Well, I really think Sirius ought to be deferring to Dumbledore when it comes to Harry's safety," said Molly firmly. "He knows what he's doing."

I didn't answer her. Footsteps were now descending the stairs, and a moment later Dumbledore himself appeared, followed by a barely-under-control Sirius, and Remus, who looked more tired than ever.

"Ah, Molly! Arthur!" said Dumbledore, almost happily. I suppose reunions are always happy, regardless of the circumstances. "Children, have you all met Mr. Black?"

I snorted. Sirius glared at me, but the smile tugging at the corners ruined the effect. I resisted the adolescent urge to stick my tongue out at him.

Ron and Hermione greeted Sirius animatedly. Ginny hung back a little, and the twins, well...

"So_ you're_ Mr. Padfoot?"

"Ron told us everything!"

"About your being an animagus, and how it was because Professor Lupin is a werewolf."

"Can we see?"

"Fred! George!" Molly snapped angrily.

Despite its obvious rudeness, Fred and George's outburst had the effect of pulling Sirius out of his foul mood. He grinned at them. "Later."

When you've become accustomed to people screaming at the sight of you, a little enthusiastic hero-worship is a nice change.

Arthur shook Sirius' hand fixedly. "Good to know you're still on our side, Sirius."

"Thank you, Arthur, Molly," he said, nodding to Mrs. Weasley as well. "You'll be staying here then?"

"If that's quite convenient," said Mrs. Weasley. She looked like she was just twitching to get her hands on the house.

"It's convenient for me," said Sirius. "It's the house that might have a problem with you."

"Yes, well, if you _don't mind_," said Molly, "we'll start on that tomorrow."

Sirius waved his hand to indicate his indifference.

"Now that we're all quite comfortable," said Dumbledore. "I have a few things I want to say." He turned to the kids. I noted his eyes rested specifically on Ron and Hermione. "What goes on in this house is going to be very secret and very dangerous. I need all of your word that you won't do anything to jeopardize our work here, or Sirius' safety."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Of course, sir," said Hermione. "We understand."

"I don't think you do," said Dumbledore. "You see, I'm asking you not to tell Harry anything."

There was a general gasp from Rogue Squadron Red.

"He'll go nuts!" Ron said.

"Sir, he'll be very, very angry if he doesn't know what's going on," said Hermione worriedly.

"Isn't he the reason we know so much to begin with?" asked George. "Why are we keeping it from him? He's on our side!"

"Yes, George, you're quite right," said Dumbledore calmly. "However, owls can be intercepted, as you all know, and for Harry's own sake, it's better that he only know as much as is absolutely necessary. For now, I think we've met that requirement."

"But..." Hermione began.

"I'm sorry, Miss Granger," said Dumbledore. There was a finality to his voice now. "Do you all swear?"

They all hung their heads, and there was a general muttering of, "yes, Professor."

"Very good," said Dumbledore. "Now, I will leave you all in Sirius' very capable hands. I will be back in a few days, hopefully to meet with the Order. We may have a few new members by then as well."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "New recruits? Already?"

"Indeed," said Dumbledore. "Now, I really must be going. Goodnight to you all. Arthur, Molly."

And he was gone. It was weird. When I had been at Hogwarts as a student, it was _us_ who had always left _him_, or his office rather, not the other way around. Dumbledore was supposed to be the kind of person who dismissed you, but here he was dismissing himself.

Which only added to the strangeness of it, because although this was Sirius' house, it was Dumbledore who was running it. From afar.

There was the expected awkward silence.

"Rooms!" said Sirius suddenly. "If you'll all follow me, please..." And the Weasleys traipsed after him out of the kitchen.

Remus sat down with a sigh. "He's going to make an awful host."

"That probably depends on whose opinion you're asking," I said.

Remus studied me for a moment. "You really think Sirius is right? That Harry should know everything?"

"I don't think keeping anything from him will keep him out of trouble," I said. "If it was me, I'd rather be prepared."

"Voldemort is after him," said Remus.

"Censorship won't change that," I pointed out.

Remus nodded. "Perhaps. But we must trust Dumbledore for now. He knows what he's doing."

I hated it when people said that. It was like they thought Dumbledore was omnipotent or something. Hardly. But I let the matter drop.

Later, when the Weasleys were all settled and had joined Sirius in the kitchen for a sort of house-warming party, I snuck up to the top floor.

I had always planned to move out of his room when they arrived, and thereby avoid any suspicious questions. While Remus understood our odd arrangement, I was sure Molly would not. It wasn't that I was really afraid for my reputation. I just didn't think Sirius needed _that_ accusation added to everything else. He was in for a rough year, with a rougher ending. I was going to do my best to make it smoother.

To ease the transition, as it were.

I gathered all my things together and then sat on the edge of his bed. I allowed myself to think of what was ahead.

Harry, first. Meeting James and Lily's son. Well, meeting him again. The thing was, I knew the boy inside and out, in a way I couldn't possibly explain to him. I knew his quirks and his inner thoughts, and I even had opinions as to which characteristics he had inherited from which parents, godparent included. I also knew about his future, or destiny, if you will.

I thought it might be better to avoid him altogether, as none of this was really fair to him.

Since when had life been fair?

And then there was Sirius. The glow of our reunion gone, I now had his plunge into depression and death to look forward to. The thought ripped through my chest, dark magic that irreparably destroyed my innermost parts.

And yet I was numb. My inability to change things had, over the years, become an accepted part of my anatomy. The charm, my knowledge, and the consequences resulting from the combination of the two were a part of who I was. I didn't try to expel them.

And yet, if I were really honest with myself, I believed I was a creature who shouldn't exist.

The door creaked open, and I jumped. Sirius stopped, his eyes taking my trunk, which stood open with all my belongings packed carefully in it. I don't know why I bothered, I was just going to take them out again in five minutes.

Okay, so I bothered so I could have the time to myself. Was that so bad?

"I guess this means I get the house," Sirius said.

I felt a little sheepish, sneaking away from him like that.

"I thought with the kids here now..." I tried to explain.

He nodded. "You're probably right."

"Molly would fry me," I said lamely.

"I wouldn't let that happen," he said.

"I'm sorry," I said.

He sighed and walked into the room, closing the door behind him. "You know this is my house, and I feel like everyone else is making the rules?"

I nodded. He was still very much a prisoner.

"You were happier on the run, weren't you?" I asked.

"Oddly...yes," he said. "And even last year, in Hogsmead, at least I could be useful to Harry."

"He must really look up to you," I said.

Sirius rubbed at the back of his neck and smiled. "Scary, isn't it?"

"Makes the Shrieking Shack seem like a party house," I said. "Oh, wait. It_ was_."

He let out one of his full laughs, which really did sound like barking. "If I'm ever cleared," he said. "We're going back there. You and me and Moony. Maybe we'll take Harry too. For old time's sake."

"I'll drink to that," I said. "Eh, speaking of which...?"

Now he looked glum. "Nope. So far we're a dry house."

"I'll do some shopping," I promised.

He cocked his head to the side and looked at me. "Are you alright?"

_Not even remotely._

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"I don't believe you," he said. "But get your things to your new room. Then come back downstairs. I need backup with those twins."

I laughed. "Bet McGonagall had nightmares about you and James for months after they started at Hogwarts."

"I certainly hope so."

**Siry Pop**: Trust me, okay? I have my reasons for postponing the famous kiss, and I'll get into them more later.

**DemonicChick888**: I actually am, but none taken. :)

Thank you all so much for sticking with me! Hope you enjoy!


	29. The Newbies

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 28: The Newbies

The first official Order meeting went about as expected. It began with a certain tension in the air, which may have been due to the presence of a certain convicted murderer, or it may have been because of the house elf heads staring at everyone.

It was really interesting watching different people's reactions to Sirius. Some, like Professor McGonagall, were apologetic, even warm. She even gave him a short hug.

Others, like Kingsley, were more wary, having spent so much energy searching for him.

Mad-Eye just went, "Hmph!" and went back to being vigilant.

Tonks nearly drove me crazy. She settled happily next to her cousin from the start, which, consequently, meant she was situated near _me_ as well. During the space before the actual meeting started, when Sirius was off elsewhere, she leaned over and asked:

"You're with my cousin, eh?"

"Hardly," I said, annoyed, but unfazed. I was past blushing at this point.

Dumbledore began with the basics: Voldemort was back. No one wanted to know.

Then he moved into our responsibilities, some of which we had already begun. They were fairly straightforward: guarding Harry, guarding the Department of Mysteries, bringing new members into the fold, constant vigilance.

Oh, yeah, and lots of waiting.

It seemed I was always waiting for something.

A few people had more specific jobs, like Snape. I had managed to avoid him since seventh year, and our reunion went better than expected. By that I mean we ignored each other.

There were only really an handful of us left, a tiny remnant of the original Order of the Phoenix. Of course, there were only a few Death Eaters who hadn't escaped Azkaban, so we weren't too concerned about our numbers.

The main thing was making sure the rest of the world was ready.

"We'll be using Grimmauld Place as Headquarters," Dumbledore was saying. "We'll be having out meetings here. I understand that some of your have jobs that will make it difficult to be always available to the Order, at least not without arousing suspicion. Secrecy is a priority for the moment. Please, be vigilant, and even if you encounter anyone you believe would make a good addition to the Order, speak to us about it first. Now, I believe Alastor has a few things to say to our newer recruits."

Mad-Eye stood up and addressed the room. "Some of you young ones–" he shot a glance at Tonks– "have yet to fully get a handle on how we do things here. Consequently, Tonks, Bill, I'm going to want you working with a more seasoned Order member at first. Yes, I know you're an Auror, Tonks, but this isn't the classroom."

Tonks closed her mouth and pulled her hand out of the air.

"Now, Thrace," Mad-Eye continued. "I'll want to talk to you later about the mission I'm sending you lot on."

"What lot?" I asked, thinking I'd missed something.

"You and Tonks and Bill. I'm putting you in charge."

"Say _what_?"

Mad-Eye rolled his magical eye. "Keep up, girl. You'll be leading the task force for the time being. I'm sending Dung with you too, but I can hardly put him in charge."

My mouth fell open, but Mad-Eye moved on to other business, ignoring me. I looked to my left to see Sirius grinning at me and Tonks with a little frown on her face. She probably resented a bartender telling her what to do.

I really hoped Sirius wouldn't tell her I wasn't especially fantastic with a wand.

"Once again, I would like to welcome all of our new members," Dumbledore said, when the meeting was over. "Not all of us are here tonight, of course, but we are united in spirit and purpose, and that will have to do. I will be in touch as events unfold. Good luck to you all."

The meeting was adjourned. Dumbledore went about the room, talking quietly, and I reluctantly turned my attention to Sirius.

He was ready for me, smirk plastered firmly on his pale face.

"Shut it," I told him.

Tonks leaned around him to eye me suspiciously. "I take it you're good at defensive spells?"

Sirius snorted. I glared at him. Fortunately, I was saved from further comment by Dumbledore, who had just joined us.

"Kara," he said, and I started at his use of my first name. Although Dumbledore was one of those people who could pretty much call you whatever he wanted.

"Yes, sir?" I said. Obviously, I didn't have the same privilege.

"I had a mission I wanted to offer you," Dumbledore said.

I sat up straighter, noting, out of the corner of my eye, that Sirius was no longer smiling.

"In June," said Dumbledore, "I was hoping you would be able to go to Romania, to–"

"No," I cut him off before I could finish. "I'm not going anywhere in June."

_In July you can send me anywhere you want, to the four corners of the earth, or to death's own door, but I have to be here in June._

Sirius and Tonks were both staring at me in shock.

Dumbledore frowned. Then his eyes widened a little, shifting from me to Sirius.

_I_ may not have been able to do anything, but my expression sometimes said more than those thousand-word pictures people are always going on about.

I must have looked truly miserable for him to have picked up on _that_.

"Very well," he said. "Perhaps it can wait, or you can go earlier in the year."

I nodded my consent to this.

"I must be off," Dumbledore said. "I will contact you all within the next few days." He moved away to exchange last words with some of the others, and then sifted out of the crowd completely.

"Excuse me," I said to Sirius and Tonks, and then got up without waiting for a response.

I made my quickly up the stairs to my room, locked myself in. Then, like that day so long ago, when I thought my friends were hallucinations, I slid to the floor and proceeded to teach myself how to breath again.

This was the worst, the hardest. The others were terrible, but this parting would rip a piece out of me that I had only just managed to hold intact over the years.

We had so little time...

And then what? I would stick by Remus for two more years, fulfilling my promise to myself, and then he too would be gone.

Like Sirius to Harry, Remus was the closest thing to a family I had.

I thought back to my old life, the one that I could never get back to. I thought of my parents, and wondered, not for the first time, what it must have been like to loose me.

There are some pains you can bear, and some you cannot.

I wasn't sure I could bear losing Sirius.

He didn't come this time. He nearly always came, never leaving me on my own for long, except for when he was in prison, and that he could not help.

I had to take care of myself, but I was already an expert at this. I wiped at my face, squared my shoulders, and went back downstairs.

Mad-Eye actually had a bit of risky business planned for the new recruits and I. A few days later, he, Bill, Tonks, Dung, and I met in the kitchen. The mission was set for that night, and, as promised, I would be in charge.

"I want you to go to the Riddle House," he explained.

"Are you nuts?" I said, alarmed. "Voldemort's last known headquarters?"

Mad-Eye nodded. "I doubt he'll be there anymore, so you're in minimal danger."

"He could be still watching the place," I pointed out.

"Which is why there's four of you and not just you yourself going," he growled. "I doubt you'll find anything, but I want the place checked out all the same. Report back here when you're done. I'll be waiting."

I watched him hobble out of the room, shaking my head.

I heard a cough. Turning around, there was my team, looking at me expectantly.

_I can do this._

"Alright then," I said. "Tonks! Fletcher! Weasley! Let's get moving."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sirius, who was watching in amusement, salute me.

"You all know how to get where we're going?" I asked. I had a vivid picture in my mind, concocted from the movies and the description Mad-Eye had been given.

Tonk perked up in response to the question. "I do! Been to the village once, actually."

I nodded at her. "Very good. You take Bill as a side-along. Dung, you're with me." He twitched, and I narrowed my eyes at him. "And no funny business, you got that? Anything not helping us on this trip is getting hexed."

I got the thumbs-up from Sirius on the way out.

As Mad-Eye had predicted, the place was clean. We went over the house, poor old Frank's place, and the graveyard.

You could _feel_ the evil there. Once I was convinced we had done all we could, I had us get out of there as quickly as possible. I was shivering badly.

I met Sirius in the library after the debriefing. He was holding a letter in his hand and staring absently at the fire.

I sank into an armchair across from him.

"How did it go?" he asked, not looking at me.

"As expected," I said. "What's that you got there?"

He shook himself a little, coming out of his daze. "Letter from Harry. He's really angry."

I nodded. "I'm not surprised."

"Trouble is," Sirius went on, "I know exactly how he feels."

"Which is why you're the best person for him to talk to," I said. I got up and patted him encouragingly on the back as I passed. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."


	30. Starbuck, Padfoot, And The Boy Who Lived

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 29: Starbuck, Padfoot, and The Boy Who Lived

"Starbuck. Starbuck!"

I turned, a revolution without movement, to look into the mists behind me. At first, they seemed no different than the mists I had been staring at previously, just swirling whiteness on a slightly less white background.

"Starbuck!"

Then I saw her, a figure seeming almost made of the mist, but then she took form and became the solid, beguiling face I knew so well. She was beautiful, so much so that any time we were in public together I felt dolefully overshadowed. I was nothing compared to her.

"Megan!" I cried joyfully, running to her. But I got no closer than I already was. I did not move in the mist-world, just floated. I looked down at my motionless feet and gasped to see the same scape as was above and to either side of me.

I looked back at Megan. "Where are we?"

She shrugged. "Dunno. In-between, I suppose."

"Is this a dream?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You're quick, Sherlock," she said laughing.

I couldn't help it. I started crying.

"What's wrong, Starbuck?" she asked. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I miss you," I said. "I forget sometimes, but I really do miss you."

She nodded. "I miss you too. But it's right, you know? You have a new home now."

It was my turn to laugh, bitterly. "A new home? Megan, this is no home. This is a world crumbling into dust. This isn't a life, this is existence without hope, punishment for crimes committed without free will. This is hell."

"Is that what you think?" she asked me. "You have free will, Starbuck. All living beings have free will. It's in our genetic makeup."

I grinned at her. "Thank you, bio one-oh-one."

"Useful stuff," she said.

"Quite."

"Anyway, Starbuck–" she started to go on.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

She wrinkled her nose. "Because 'Kara' is just so droll comparatively. And because it's always been my name for you. I get to keep something, don't I?"

"I suppose," I said woefully. "But can't you just call me by my real name? It'd be nice to hear it again."

"Kara Thrace is your real name," she said seriously. "Check the map."

"But..."

"Check the map. It never lies."

I couldn't see how this was important, but I wasn't going to waste any more precious time arguing about what she was going to call me.

"You want to know why I'm here?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Well," she said, "I guess I'm supposed to let you know that it's okay, you're not alone."

"You're here with me?" I asked hopefully.

"No!" she said, laughing as though I were a child asking a foolish question. "But there are others."

I shook my head. "Not for long."

"That doesn't matter. Time is a funny thing, kind of like free will. It's not always so easily defined."

"I have no idea what the hell that means."

"Hold tight to them while they're here, Starbuck. Don't let yourself drift away."

She was fading, her body already changing, sinking into the mist.

"No! Wait!"

"I miss you, Starbuck."

"Megan!"

I woke up screaming. I was shrieking my lungs raw. Somewhere in the distance other cries joined my own, and I heard footsteps scampering to put an end to Mrs. Black's tirade. Still, I screamed on.

I was drenched in sweat, writhing. My blankets clung to me, twisting around my thrashing limbs.

I vaguely registered the sudden inflow of light, and then the shadow above my bed.

"Kara! Kara!" someone was saying. I kept screaming, wailing her name.

Even my real world was lost to me. I couldn't even hold on to those things that were definitively mine.

Who would screw around with me like that?

I was being pinned down. Someone was holding my arms, forcing me to stop moving.

"Kara," a voice said, sounding both alarmed and soothing. "Kara, wake up."

Oh, but I was awake. Waking was the nightmare. Waking had made me scream. The dream...I could go back there and be perfectly content to drift the time away with Megan in nowheresville.

"Kara, please," the voice said again.

But I couldn't ignore that voice. It would call me, and I would come, whether from nowheresville, or the grave, or that pathetic little city in the Empire State. I would come. As with the fates that had ordered my exile, I was powerless at his command.

"Sirius," I said finally, my sore throat grating out the word. I coughed, and this hurt worse.

"Kara," Sirius said again and pulled me into his arms. "Kara, it's alright. It's over."

_Over, my ass. It's barely begun._

"It's alright, Molly," I heard him say. "I'll take care of her."

The light disappeared, and I heard footsteps beyond the doorway. Multiple steps. I must have woken everyone up.

"Come on, love, open your eyes," Sirius said. I didn't want to open them. If I kept them squeezed shut, I could hold on to the last tattered threads of that precious, precious dream. If I opened them, she would be lost forever.

Sirius was stroking my sweat-soaked head with one gentle hand, for once completely ignoring his own problems. I think it was then I realized I was one of the few people he would drop everything for. Oh, he had his principles alright, but he was at heart a selfish being.

I liked that he was selfish. Who wants to be perfect, anyway?

I opened my eyes, but I still couldn't see him properly for the dark and my tears. He met my gaze anyhow, then broke it to plant one soft kiss on my forehead. My heart sped up.

I rested my head on his shoulder, and we sat like that for a while. Eventually, he lay down next to me, braving Molly's wrath for a proven cure.

"Who's Megan?" he asked, when he was convinced I wasn't going to start blubbering again.

I was shocked. Had I really said her name aloud? I didn't know I could do that.

"She...she was my best friend," I answered. "Back home."

Sirius' arms enfolded me further. "Sometimes I forget you had a life before us."

"Oh, right," I said wryly. "Dumbledore created me in his office."

Sirius laughed. "Wouldn't surprise me. But for what purpose, I wonder?"

Purpose? Like, destiny? To be a joke, a laughingstock, a freak of nature. What the hell was nature, anyway?

I was more like an accident. An experiment gone wrong.

I wished I could have told Megan what it felt like to wake up in Sirius' arms, to know I wasn't alone through the long night. I thought about the irony of it, her passing me off to him. Then I thought about Molly catching us, and I swatted him to wake him up.

"Sirius! Harry comes today!"

He's a slow waker, but that reminder was effective.

We spent the day cleaning furiously, trying to rid the house of as many doxies as possible before Harry showed up.

Even Sirius got into it. I couldn't help but notice how cheerful he suddenly was. The knowledge that his godson would soon be with him lit a fire that burned up any Black family ashes that were still drifting around his heart, and he was a joy to be around.

Even the kids caught on to his enthusiasm, though Ron and Hermione were a bit apprehensive. They knew full well Harry wasn't going to be happy with them.

Hedwig's constant pecking wasn't helping either.

The sad part was Harry never got to see what his presence did to Sirius. Snape ruined the effect and the warm welcome Harry would doubtless have gotten, with his comments that evening at the Order meeting. He was particularly ruthless. Perhaps just having James' son in the house enraged him, I don't know. At any rate, if he didn't succeed in putting Sirius back in his foul mood, Mrs. Black did.

Consequently...well, you know that story.

I wasn't up in the hallway when it happened. I was down in the kitchen, prepping food for dinner. When Molly started shouting at everyone for help, I already had half the table set. I was still bustling when Harry walked in, and I didn't even have a chance to meet him, and then I wanted to give him and Sirius a chance to catch up.

The sight of them talking like that reminded me of a younger Sirius, one who held a baby in his arms with unbelievable gentleness and told James he'd be there for him no matter what.

I went about, setting out the silverware.

"Sirius?" Dung was saying. "This solid silver, mate?"

"Yes," said Sirius in revulsion. "Finest fifteenth-century goblin-wrought silver, embossed with the Black family crest."

"That'd come off though," Dung decided optimistically.

Resting a hand on the back of his chair, I leaned over till I was inches from his face.

"Fletcher," I said, "either stop nicking your host's possessions, or you'll be eating dinner without utensils _or_ fingers."

Dung grunted and dropped the goblet he was holding. I stood up and smiled at Sirius.

"Kara, come here," Sirius said, beckoning.

I glanced back at Molly to make sure she didn't need any help, but as Tonks was enthusiastically getting in the way of everything she did, I rather thought that corner of the kitchen could do with one less occupant.

I rounded the table to sit down next to Sirius. From his other side, Harry peered at me curiously.

"Harry," said Sirius, "this is Kara Thrace. She was a good friend of your dad's."

Harry's eyes widened in sudden interest. The three blind mice couldn't have missed the hunger there.

I stretched out to shake his hand. "Nice to finally meet you, Harry."

"You too," he said. "You look familiar though."

Ron appeared out of nowhere, carrying a couple of bottles of butterbeer. "You don't know Kara? She's the bartender at the Leaky Cauldron."

"Oh!" said Harry. "I think I've seen you working there."

"Probably," I said.

"Why did you never...?"

"Introduce myself?" I glanced sideways at Sirius, who was now frowning. "Ah...Fudge didn't think it was a good idea, me being friends with wanted criminals and all."

Harry scowled. Fudge, as a general rule, was not a popular man with anyone connected with the Order.

We were cut off from further conversation when we had to run for our lives from Fred and George and their attempts to speed up the serving process.

I ate quietly, letting Sirius and Harry talk. I sat by Remus, something I hadn't gotten around to doing much of lately. I was rather starting to miss him. Living together had been a convenience, and now that we were off in separate directions and so busy, I almost felt I needed to make time to catch up.

I nearly skipped out on the after-dinner debate. I should have. I nearly launched myself at Molly for some of the things she said to Sirius. Remus held me back, his hand pinning my wrist to the armrest of my chair. I could have scalped her, though. She was way out of line.

And then, at one of the rare times when anyone asked my opinion, I gave it without reserve. I think Molly was probably looking for an ally when she asked me. It was a stupid move, really. I wouldn't have backed her up out of pure spite, but I also happened to believe strongly that Harry needed to know as much as possible.

"I think," I told her darkly, "that _we_ can tell him, or Voldemort can."

This earned me a general shudder and a few glares. Okay, so maybe that hadn't been the best way to put it, but it was the truth.

I was a bit disappointed when the kids all went up to bed. I hadn't really gotten to speak to Harry much, and I had to work the following morning. I sat in the kitchen with the remaining dinner guests, Sirius and Molly barely being civil, and tried not to let the full impact of the night's events wash over me.

"I'm going shopping tomorrow," I told Sirius. "We really need some booze."

He grinned at me, though Molly looked about to explode. Okay, so I wasn't on her favorite people list anymore. I could live with that.


	31. In The Wake Of The Hogwarts Express

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 30: In The Wake Of The Hogwarts Express

I had to laugh at him, running like that after the train. Molly may have considered it a giveaway, but I've never seen anything more dog-like in my life.

Wasn't a little happiness worth the risk?

After the kids had left, everyone was in a hurry to get him back to Grimmauld Place, but I had other ideas.

"Let him stay out for a bit," I said to Remus. "That house is killing him."

"Dumbledore said no!" Molly cut in quickly.

I glared at her before turning back to Remus. "I'll take personal responsibility for him. I'll make sure he's safe."

Remus' brow furrowed. He was worried, but I knew he understood. Sirius was getter more sour by the day, and even if it was just this one time, even if we had to lock him up again, it was worth it to see him smiling for a little while.

And we needed to get his mind off the fact that Harry was gone.

With a sigh, Remus finally nodded. Molly looked about to say something, but abruptly closed her mouth and settled for glaring at me.

"Come along then, Snuffles," I said to the shaggy beast beside me. "You're spending the day with me."

I said my goodbyes to the others (Sirius barked his), and then led him away to a shadier part of town. It was perhaps a little reckless, but I wasn't afraid with Sirius there, and it provided the cover of a lot of dark alleys.

I slipped into one of these. Sirius followed and transformed back into a man.

"So where we going?" he asked eagerly.

"You'll see," I said, holding out my hand. He took it and I disapparated us both.

We re-materialized– or whatever the heck it is happens when you apparate– in a little cove, a tiny inlet along the coast. It was only a few miles from London, but it was a quiet little place that, as far as I knew, no one but myself ever came to.

I immediately turned to Sirius. "Go," I instructed. "Have fun."

He grinned at me and took off like a little kid. He whooped and ran and sped along the shore, completely in human form, not even bothering with the disguise.

I sat down on a large log and watched him. The salty tang I loved so well washed over me, and, for a moment, I was completely at peace. The sky wasn't a brilliant blue, and the cove maybe wasn't as picturesque as it could have been, but to me, it was perfect. There were gulls crying, diving back and forth on an airy promenade. I watched them, envying the lack of complication in their lives.

Eventually I walked down to the cove and chose another log right next to the water. I took my shoes and socks off, rolled up the ends of my jeans, and stuck my feet in. As soon as the water touched me, I was glad I hadn't thought of swimming. It was freezing.

Sirius reappeared at my side, still beaming. He panted a little as he sat down beside me.

"Thank you," he said.

_You have until the end of the day_, I thought, but I didn't say it aloud. He didn't need to think about that. Perfect moments are much easier to enjoy when you don't have worry about them ending.

My heart twanged at this thought, and I closed my eyes, willing it away. A heavy wave lapped at my feet, bringing me back out of my dark reverie.

That was later. This was now.

"How did you find this spot?" Sirius asked suddenly.

"On a lonely day when I felt like wandering," I told him.

"After I left," he said. He didn't say the other thing, the other event that was the real marker.

"After you left," I confirmed.

He was thoughtful for a minute, then spoke again. "I remember your ammortentia smelt of the ocean."

I smiled at the memory. "Still does, I'm sure. I've always loved the sea. It's so powerful, so dangerous, so...beautiful."

"Wanna go for a swim?" he asked cheerfully.

I rolled my eyes in his direction. "You stick your foot in here and rethink that offer."

He did, and shivered. "Okay, I guess this is fine."

I tilted my head back as a breeze came up. Wisps of my hair were breaking loose of its binds and swirled around my face, tickling my cheeks.

I felt fingers brush them aside.

I opened my eyes, lowered my head to find him staring at me.

His gaze was so intense, so...so full of something I could not quite define.

Like a painful reminder from the past, I was seized by the familiar urge to jump him, but I also wanted to continue to sit there and stare at him, to store up memories for later.

He sighed and lowered his hand, then turned to gaze back across the water. We were silent for a time, until the sun began to dip downward, and we both realized, without saying anything, that we would have to go soon.

Sirius got up and held out his hand. I took it, let him help me up. Then, still holding my hand, he led me in a quiet walk around the cove, then further along the shore.

We left when the sun set, but before we did Sirius had one last run, one last taste of the freedom he deserved.

We were both prisoners, I realized, watching him. I was held captive by my curse, he by his unearned reputation.

Maybe freedom only lay in death.

**Siry Pop**: Not still confused, I hope?

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Internet-less houses in the midwest are the reason marijuana was invented– no offense.

I feel like I lost all my reviewers after James and Lily died. You guys still with me?

And I know it's a short chapter, but there will be at least one more tonight.

Thanks again!


	32. The Ones Left Behind

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 31: The Ones Left Behind

I practically crawled into Grimmauld Place on a windy day in October. (All autumn days should be blustery, in my opinion.) I was exhausted from the previous evening, which had consisted of a night shift at the Leaky Cauldron, guard duty at the Department of Mysteries, and then a morning shift at the Leaky Cauldron.

I swore the world was conspiring to kill me.

I intended to go straight up to my room, but the light on in the library distracted me. I paused to open the door a little further, to peep in.

It was Remus, seated comfortably in front of the fire, reading from some large volume in the Black family library.

I entered, shutting the door quietly behind me.

Remus looked up.

"Hello, Kara," he said. "Haven't seen much of you lately."

The guilt that welled up in me now was almost a relief, it was so different from the piercing guilt my foreknowledge brought.

"I'm so sorry, Remus," I apologized. "I suppose I've been neglecting you."

He waved this off, closing the book and setting it on the table beside him. "It's quite alright. I hadn't realized how much you missed him."

I sighed, crossed the room, and let myself flop over onto one of the couches. I looked over at Remus, who was studying me.

Suddenly, his eyes widened. "You still love him."

I nearly groaned. "I never stopped."

Remus pursed his lips, thoughtful. "I should have guessed, I suppose. Especially since there was no one else. But I thought...I thought it might have been because of..." He trailed off.

"Gideon," I finished for him. The name was like the blowing of ashes across my lips. "You thought it was because of Gideon."

It was something we had never talked about. A taboo topic. Don't go there. Don't ask. Don't remember.

There were too many don'ts in my life.

I heaved another sigh, my chest rising and falling with the breath. "No. It was always Sirius."

"You should probably tell him eventually," Remus said, almost teasingly.

I glanced over at him again. "Why?"

"Why not?"

I chewed on my lower lip. "It's complicated."

"How so? It's not like you have any competition."

I laughed, thinking of all those other girls. I could pack most of them into those coin rollers the bank gave out and charge five dollars for the lot. Although there were a few I couldn't find fault with.

"When he showed up at the flat," I said instead of answering, "do you know what he thought?" I grinned at Remus.

He returned the smile. "I can imagine. He didn't say anything inappropriate, did he?"

"No," I said. "He just looked really uncomfortable. Took me a bit to figure out what was bothering him."

Remus chuckled softly. "Do you know what I thought when I walked in and found you two on the couch?"

"That you were back at Hogwarts, and you couldn't decide which was the nightmare?"

"Exactly."

I smiled to myself. We were silent for a while. He didn't pick up his book again, and I didn't attempt to stumble up to my bed. Eventually, I yawned.

"You know you could fit a doxie in there?" Remus said.

"Shut up," I mumbled, turning over onto my side so I could face him properly.

"Why don't you tell him, Tumnus?" he asked again.

"Because I don't want to be left behind again," I said. "I don't want things to work out, only to wake up the next morning and have to face the demons all over again. I don't want...If I tell him, it'll be all the worse if I loose him again."

When _I loose him again._

"Besides," I added. "I don't think he feels the same anymore. He's a little preoccupied at the moment."

"You could distract him."

"Remus John Lupin, was that an innuendo just came out of your mouth?" I sat up on my elbows, staring at him in shock.

His lips twitched. "I believe it was."

I threw my head back and laughed. "Saints be praised! He's loosening up!"

"What's going on here?" said a grumpy voice.

I looked over to see Sirius standing in the doorway, frowning at us.

"Remus made an innuendo!" I announced gleefully. "An insinuation! A double entendre!"

Sirius' eyebrows shot up. "Wow, mate, that's...Well, I could just cry."

"Alright, shut it, the both of you," Remus said, going back to his book. "Or I'll never do it again."

"Again? You mean there's a possibility for more?" Sirius said, coming into the room. He lifted my feet so he could sit down on my couch, then held them in his lap.

Remus muttered something unintelligible and went back to his reading.

"Aw, come on, Moony," Sirius said. "Don't leave us hanging."

He completely ignored us.

"I think he's done, Padfoot," I said. "We've pushed him too far."

"Nonsense," Sirius scowled. "He'll come round."

Remus closed his book again. "No. I'll go home." He stood up. "I'll be back when you're acting like an adult."

"Be fair, Remus," I said. "He spent twelve years in Azkaban while you were having life experiences and maturing. He's got catching up to do."

"Fair enough, but I'm leaving you to deal with him for now," Remus said, not even acknowledging Sirius' pout. "And Tumnus? Think about what I said."

I glowered at him.

"What was all that about?" Sirius asked when he was gone.


	33. The Angst Goes Marching On

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Song is "Any Dream Will Do" from _Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat._

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 32: The Angst Goes Marching On

"Okay, you two seriously need help," Remus was saying.

I leaned back so my chair was resting on two legs. This is not a good idea when you're drunk. It was hard enough to balance the bottle of firewhiskey I was holding, let alone balance _myself_.

"This is help," I told Remus, "all neatly bottled up for us. One bottle of help. Help that you drink. Help that they sell in a store. Help that comes in a package."

"It's almost Christmas," said Remus. "Can't you just sing carols or something?"

"No, but if we were really ambitious, we could make Christmas punch."

"Do you know how to do that?" Sirius asked, balancing his own bottle on his knee. Despite Remus' admonitions, we weren't really that drunk..._yet_.

"Yep," I said. "Learned it a few years back at the Knockturn Alley Christmas Party...You can imagine what that was like."

Sirius laughed. "You should make some this year."

"Sure thing." I hiccuped.

Remus sighed. "I don't know what to do with you two. You're lucky Molly isn't here."

"I'm not afraid of her," I bragged. "She can stare me down till hell freezes over."

"It already has," Sirius said, glowering at the frosty window.

"You're also lucky Harry isn't here to see you in this state," Remus said.

"Oh, Moony, come on!" said Sirius. "You really think I'd do this if he were here?"

"No, but that just makes you a hypocrite," said Remus.

"Alright, children," I said. "No more fighting. It's Christmas."

"I've got it!" said Sirius, tipsiness momentarily beating back his irritation at Remus. "A compromise!"

Remus narrowed his eyes. "What sort of compromise?"

"We'll sing carols _while_ we're drunk!"

Remus just rolled his eyes.

"Know any good Muggle songs, Kara?" Sirius asked.

"Our carols are the same as yours, Sirius," I told him.

"Know anything that'll shut him up?" Remus asked, leaning his forehead on his hands.

I pouted at him for a second, and then was hit with inspiration. I started to sing softly, my voice cracking at first, but it soon flowed out into its strong mezzo-soprano, and the words of a half-forgotten tune drifted through the kitchen:

"_...Far, far away,_

_Someone was weeping_

_But the world was sleeping._

_Any dream will do..._

_The world and I,_

_We are still waiting,_

_Still hesitating._

_Any dream will do..."_

I sand until I couldn't remember the words anymore, and then circled back around again. I'm sure I got it all out of order, either that or I didn't actually sing very long, but it was there, and Sirius and Remus fell silent at the sound of it.

"I didn't know you could sing," Sirius said when I was done.

I blushed. "My dad was a musician."

"Any dream..." Remus softly mused. "Anything to hold on to, and any scrap of hope."

I nodded, ignoring the saltwater behind my eyes, the hollow feeling in my stomach, the vice around my heart.

"We have each other," Sirius said.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "That was...touching."

Sirius scowled. "I'm not joking."

I took another swig out of my bottle, then raised it to the center of the table. "To friends...and alcohol."

"Hear hear!" cheered Sirius. There was the sound of glass clashing, and then porcelain too, as Remus raised his teacup.

"If you're quite finished gallivanting..." came a lazy voice from the wall.

We all looked up.

"Phineas!" I said. "Come and join us. Portraits can get drunk, right?" I added, turning to Sirius and Remus.

"As long as my mother doesn't come with him," Sirius said.

"Well, as..._tempting_ as that offer is," Phineas said sarcastically, "I'm actually here on rather urgent business, so if you _don't mind_..."

Sirius was instantly alert. "What urgent business? Is it Harry?"

"In a manner of speaking," replied Phineas. "Seems he's had a bit of a vision. Arthur Weasley has been injured, they confirmed, so his children and the Potter boy will here promptly."

Remus and I stared at each other, but Sirius took command of the situation. "Tell them I'll be delighted to have them."

"I'd better see what I can do for Molly," Remus said, standing up. "Sirius, get yourself cleaned up. You don't want your godson seeing you like that."

"Send us word as soon as you know anything," I urged Remus.

"I will," he assured me, and then he was gone.

The silence that followed was thick.

Then is was split with a_ crack_, and five teenagers landed awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Sirius was in the midst of them, kicking Kreacher out (I hadn't even seen him come in), trying to calm them down, get them to stay put. I tuned out the argument that followed, knowing there was nothing I could do. Instead, I watched Harry, watched the worry, the guilt that etched his features. He didn't deserve it.

_That's right, Molly, Dumbledore, I thought. Don't tell the kids anything. That'll protect them from Voldemort, from the demons that are still within our walls, within our very minds._

_There's no defense against what's already in you._

_Unless it comes from another source inside yourself_, another voice answered mine. I sat there, shocked, for a moment, but then I shook it off.

It had sounded a little like...

I shook that off too, then, as Molly's letter brought some relief to the anxiety in the room, I hurried to help make breakfast.

A few days later, I met Harry on the steps between the third and fourth floors.

"Wotcher, Harry," I said, then laughed. "That sounds ridiculous coming from me. I think I'll stick with 'hello.'"

Harry smiled at me. "That might be best. Have you seen Sirius?"

"I think he's downstairs decorating house elf heads," I told him. "Did you need something?"

Harry shrugged, looking awkward.

_He needs his godfather._

I sat down on the steps. After a moment, he joined me.

"Did you know my mother?" he asked.

"A little," I said. "I mean, I shared a dorm with her for two years, but...we were never exactly close."

"Why not?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Different personalities. Plus I didn't spend a lot of time with the girls I lived with. I was always with your dad."

Harry looked like he really wanted to ask more. I wasn't sure if I was being presumptuous or not, but I thought I had enough of an idea what he generally thought that I could risk it.

"I lived with him over the holidays, you know," I said.

Harry looked up, eyes brightening and eager. "Really?"

"Yep," I said. "Like Sirius, I had nowhere else to go."

"So you don't have any family either," he said carefully.

"I have Remus," I told him, knowing it was true. What was Remus to me exactly? He was beyond a label.

"I have Sirius," Harry said quietly.

I smiled at him. "Best family you could have."

He smiled back. "Yeah. Yeah, he is. He's always there for me, you know? Anything I need."

"Anything you need right now?" I asked.

He looked a little sheepish. "Well, I could probably use some advice about this girl..."

_Choe. Yick._

"Oh, by all means, _go_," I said, laughing. "Get the advice of Hogwart's foremost expert on girls. But please, don't ask him for details."

Harry stared. "What do you mean?"

"Let's just Sirius is _absolutely_ the right person to ask," I said.

Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "Were you and Sirius..."

"Nope," I smirked at him. "Just friends, cliche as it sounds."

He scampered off down the stairs a few minutes later, probably to get some advice about Choe. I stared after him, hoping I'd done them some good. The books never detailed how their relationship went in the days preceding Christmas. They just said Sirius lapsed back into his desolate mood after that.

I sighed. I couldn't even do that much. Couldn't even make that better for them. Couldn't make sure no time was wasted.

How much time was_ I _wasting?

**Delu**: Thank you. Her story's not over with James and Lily, ya know? But admittedly, their deaths felt like a climax, so it was rather hard getting back into it afterwards.

Thanks to all those who have stuck with me!


	34. This Is The Way The World Ends

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 33: This Is The Way The World Ends

You all know the story. The progression from bad to worse. The consequences of bad decisions and ill luck.

Dumbledore's voluntary dismissal from the position of headmaster. The sacking of Trelawney. The failure of the occulmency lessons. The slow removal of the adult members of the Order from Hogwarts, until only Snape was left.

Sirius' depression: a mutated variety of cabin fever.

In those last days, I think the only person gloomier than Sirius was me. We retreated to our separate corners of the house, each too wrapped up in our own problems to tend to the other.

It sounds selfish, but the fact is I couldn't look at him without feeling guilty. I could have taken advantage of the situation, tried my best to cheer him up, to make his last days more memorable, but I was afraid. It all felt too much like what happened with Gideon, and I could not face that again.

It was as though anything I touched must inevitably die. As though I _were_ the curse, instead of just being the one cursed.

I withdrew from the world, stepping out only to fulfill my duties. I became a mechanical tool, with Dumbledore and Tom intermittently pulling the strings. Who cared if I gave over control to them? It wasn't like I could make my own decisions anyway.

It wasn't all bad. In fact, it was the drinking that made it better. Sirius and I both found our refuge in alcohol, and if it was a good day, you would find us drinking together. We found this an easy way to stay close and avoid our issues.

It numbed the guilt, stalled the restlessness.

On an uncharacteristically cold morning in June, I once again stumbled into the library. It was after another series of late shifts, and I was exhausted enough I thought I could sleep. But for some reason I didn't feel like climbing all the way up to my room, and I instead settled into a couch, my back to the room, and fell asleep.

I awoke, some time later, to gentle hands lifting me. Just my shoulders, really. Sirius slipped in, pulling my torso into his lap. I rested my head on his chest, breathing almost contentedly.

"It's going to be alright," Sirius said soothingly.

"It isn't," I told him.

He just stroked my hair, aware, no doubt, that there was nothing he could say. I buried my face in his neck and breathed in that musky scent I loved so much. Azkaban had taken his looks and his years, but it hadn't taken away his scent.

Moody and I were sitting in the kitchen when Snape's message came.

"Is Black there?" he asked irritably.

My heart twisted.

"He's upstairs," Mad-Eye said. "Why do you ask?"

"It seems Potter and his friends are under the impression that Black was captured by Voldemort," Snape informed us.

I wanted to vomit.

_No. Oh, please, no. I can't do it this time. I can't._

Moody looking slightly alarmed. "He having visions again?"

"It seems to me the Dark Lord is trying to lure him to the Department of Mysteries," Snape said. "I left him with Umbridge, but I'll go check to make sure he hasn't done anything rash."

His image vanished. Moody went off on a diatribe about the lack of security at the school and "that Bumbridge woman." I hardly noticed. I felt like I had lost all my internal organs. The hollow pit they had left behind was groaning, distorting.

_Please, no. Not yet._

Kreacher wandered in, muttering at his success. Moody eyed him warily. "What's with you?"

"Kreacher has done mistress a great service. Kreacher will be greatly rewarded. Yeeeesssss."

_Thanks, Gollum._

I wanted to hate him. I've never hated anything in my life. I just don't have it in me. But I was nearing the end of my rope, leaving the mangled bits that were left of me behind, and I couldn't take it anymore.

Sirius walked in, and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"What's going on?" He looked down at Kreacher. "What are you so happy about?"

"Mistress will be so pleased!" Kreacher cackled and limped out of the room.

Sirius frowned at Moody and I.

"Harry thinks you've been captured by Voldemort," Moody told him.

"_WHAT_?" Sirius cried.

"He and the others were with Umbridge when he left them. He's gone to check on them."

"He...What?"

"Voldemort knows Harry will come after you," I explained, my voice shaking. "He knows...knows there's no one at the school to help."

We were on the verge of a small Order meeting, so it was no surprise when Tonks and Kingsley walked in. They stopped dead at the sight of our white faces.

"What's wrong?" Kingsley asked.

Before anyone could answer, Snape's image appeared again. "He's gone."

"What?" Sirius said again. The blood from his face was completely gone. I was shaking from head to toe. I wanted to scream, to burst into tears. I could do none of that.

Snape continued quickly. "Potter went after you. His friends followed. From what he said, I believe they're in the Department of Mysteries."

Moody was already on his feet. "We'll go after them."

"Someone has to stay and wait for Dumbledore," Snape said wisely. "Black, I suggest it be you."

"NO!" Sirius said vehemently. "Absolutely not!"

"If he's doing this for your safety, compromising it by throwing yourself into the middle of a possible battle won't do any good, Sirius," said Remus. I turned around to see him in the doorway. I hadn't noticed him come in.

"HE'S MY GODSON!" Sirius roared. "I'm going to get him!"

"Regardless, _someone_ has so stay to wait for Dumbledore," Snape repeated.

"Kara will stay," Sirius said suddenly. He whirled around, looking for me. "You will stay, won't you?"

"_What_?"

_No. No. I wouldn't stay. I had to be there. Had to have one last glimpse. I couldn't let him go like this. I had to be there._

"Kara, please," Sirius pleaded. "Someone has to stay."

"You can come later with Dumbledore," Mad-Eye said, agreeing for me.

"But–"

"We have to go now!" said Mad-Eye.

"Good luck," said Snape, disappearing.

"Everyone ready?" Mad-Eye asked the room at large. More Order members had shown up while we were talking, everyone who was available, except for Arthur and Molly.

_No, I'm not ready. I'll never be ready._

My hands were cold and clammy. My eyes were rolling frantically around in their sockets. I couldn't do this. Not again. Not yet.

"Damn!" Sirius shouted. "I left my wand upstairs."

"Well, hurry up!" Mad-Eye urged.

He dashed out of the room. I followed. We took the stairs two at a time. Up, up, up to the topmost floor, to his room, to one last moment...

Sirius snatched his wand off the bed and spun to find me standing there.

He walked over to me, put one shaking hand on my shoulder. "We'll be back soon."

I lost control, or let it go, or just finally mustered up that long-dormant Gryffindor courage.

I grabbed him suddenly, shoved him over, up against the wall, and then I pressed my lips to his in the most brazen act of my life.

I could feel him gasp beneath me, then return the kiss furiously.

I had to break it off quickly. I stood before him, panting, my heart the sole instrument in his death knell.

"Kara, what the...?"

"You have to go," I said.

"Kara," he tried again. "What's going on?"

"JUST GO!" I screamed. My entire body was vibrating in an eerie soundtrack.

He actually looked reluctant! As if what I had just done was more important than...

"Okay," he said. "But when I get back..."

"Sirius, Harry!"

That did it. He was off like a spring had been released beneath him, off without so much as a backward glance at me.

I followed at a slower pace. When I reached the kitchen, they were all gone.

_Time to wait. Time to kill. How ironic._

I didn't sit. I paced, paced and worried at my hands till they were raw. This was it. It was the end. There was nothing more for me. Nothing.

I didn't want anything more.

What was the point of it all anyway? Why was I even here? Who the hell transports someone with complete knowledge of a terrible future directly into the lives of the people she knows so much about, then binds her in invisible cords so she can do nothing?

What the hell was that even about?

I mean, if it was fate, then shouldn't fate involve some sort of...I don't know,_ purpose_? Shouldn't it mean that there was some point to my being here?

Hadn't Dumbledore said that himself on my first day? Said if God had put me here, that it was for a reason?

But I couldn't do anything. There was absolutely nothing I could do.

Even if it was as simple as being a comfort, making people's lives easier, I had failed to do that as well.

Failed because I was afraid. I lacked that essential ingredient, the one the Sorting Hat had said I would need in spades.

I had no determination because the future was determined for me, for all of us.

I wasn't even a human being. I didn't have free will.

Dumbledore arrived. He listened to my frantic explanation, then told me to apparate to the main hall at the Ministry of Magic. Then he was gone again.

I tried to follow.

Nothing happened.

I tried again.

I was still in the kitchen at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place.

"DAMMIT!" I screamed aloud. "Come on! Have some pity, whoever you are! At least let me see him one more time!"

Still couldn't do it.

I nearly collapsed. It was over. Over and I wouldn't even be there.

Did it matter? I couldn't change it.

_What would you do if you had a choice?_

It was that voice again, the one I thought I'd never hear again.

Well, that was easy. I'd go instead. I'd take his place. He could live, could stay with Harry. Sirius could exist and have a real life, one where he didn't fall into meaningless oblivion and, unlike me, one where he had free will. There would be no loss that way.

"Would you take me instead?" I asked of whatever powers be, my voice quavering.

Maybe I could die too.

I turned on the spot, focusing on an image I only knew in my mind, a very specific point in the image, and disapparated.

I saw nothing. Just rock. I barely had time to register the sparks flying on the edges of my vision when a shape loomed up in front of me.

The shape was laughing.

"Come on, you can do better than that!"

There was another flash, and the shape was moving towards me. I didn't think, didn't hesitate, didn't question. I just latched onto it and _shoved_.

This was no mere physical pushing. It wasn't just planting of feet and heaving of shoulders. It wasn't just physics and force-against-force. It was a _spiritual_ pushing. And it took _everything_ from me. I strained, body, mind, and soul, strained to keep him upright, strained not to be pulled into the ominous gate behind me. Strained not to loose what was most precious to me.

And then, suddenly, we were falling. I landed on top of him, on the edge of the dais. My head cracked on the stone, and then we were rolling, bouncing, falling again, further down the steps that led up to death. He landed on top of me now, and there was a sickening crunch, and pain shot through my ribs.


	35. Old Magic

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 34: Old Magic

I gasped. The air wouldn't come. The pain was there, but the air was not. And Sirius was a deadweight on me, suffocating me.

It was disturbingly like that time I had woken him from his nightmare, and he had tried to strangle me...

"SIRIUS!" someone was yelling.

I summoned what strength I had left and pushed him off of me. Kneeling beside him, I pointed my wand at him. "_Ennervate_."

He sprang to life, jumping to his feet. I saw him freeze, looking at something over my shoulder.

I spun around. There was Bellatrix, wand fixed on us, shock filling her eyes.

"Sirius!" someone yelled again. It was Harry, I glanced at him briefly, keeping my wand trained on Bellatrix. Beside me, Sirius did the same.

Bellatrix looked at Harry and cackled cruelly. "What's wrong? Almost loss your precious godfather, did you?"

Behind her, Dumbledore had the other Death Eaters well organized. The other members of the Order were picking themselves up off the floor, or seeing to the ones that couldn't. Then there were the kids, huddled together in one fortunate mess. Nearly everyone was watching us.

"Awww," Bellatrix drawled. "Sirius, he _loves_ you."

When Sirius spoke, it was in a deeply threatening tone. "Stay away from my godson."

Bellatrix didn't even flinch. I think she knew she would've had him. "Or what? You want to have another go?"

My wand arm straightened in response. I glared at her.

_Not a chance._

"Leave him alone!" Harry yelled. His voice was shaking with fear and anger.

"Give me the prophecy," Bellatrix said. "Give it to me, and no one else gets hurt tonight. Give it to me, and I'll let your godfather live."

Sirius growled low in his throat.

"It's gone!" Harry said, the fear now overtaking the anger. But he turned it around on her. "And he knows! Your dear old mate Voldemort knows it's gone! He's not going to be happy with you, is he?"

It was actually a stupid move. Bellatrix was perfectly positioned to take all her fury out on Sirius. Not that I was going to let that happen...

But she was too distracted. "What? What do you mean?"

It had smashed while Harry was helping Neville. And he told her so.

In response, she had the same idea I had. She opened her mouth, twisted her wand as she pointed it at Sirius, but...

"_Crucio_!"

Bellatrix gasped, then whimpered. Then she sneered. "Never used an Unforgivable Curse, have you, boy? You need to mean them, Potter!"

Sirius was moving past me, he was almost in her face...

And then there was a terrible scream.

Sirius stopped, turned in horror.

Harry was on the ground, his body writhing in agony.

"MASTER!" Bellatrix shrieked.

And then he was there, wand pointed at Harry. Voldemort. In the room. With all of us.

It was all happening so fast, and bits were missing. I grabbed Sirius by the arm, holding him back. He struggled, but I was firm.

I knew Dumbledore would handle it.

Bellatrix fell to the ground as he approached, but whether from fear of him or her master, I did not know.

"It was foolish to come here tonight, Tom," Dumbledore said. "The Aurors are on their way."

Sirius was straining against me.

"Wait," I hissed. "Dumbledore can take him."

He stopped struggling, but his eyes remained locked on the scene.

No. Locked on Harry.

Then followed the most fantastic battle I've ever seen. Harry managed to scamper out of the way for most of it, but it was brutal. It was an unprecedented clash of spellwork, higher spells than most of us would dream of. And Dumbledore clearly had the upper hand.

Until Voldemort ventured into the only place Dumbledore couldn't follow: Harry's mind.

I saw Harry fall, saw him stiffen in agony. His eyes welled up, and he looked as if he would have liked to scream, but couldn't.

He was not in control. I knew all too well what that felt like.

His mouth opened...

"_Kill me now, Dumbledore."_

Sirius cried out at the sound and tried to run forward again.

"_If death is nothing, Dumbledore, kill the boy._"

Sirius broke free. He bounded down the steps, into the danger zone. I called out after him, but it didn't matter.

Dumbledore flung out his arm and a shield welled up. Sirius ran straight into it, bounced back a little. He could go no further.

I saw Harry move his head and knew instinctively it was he who had moved. He looked at Sirius, who was still staring at him in terror.

I don't know what was flashing through the boy's mind at that look, but his body stilled suddenly, and then Voldemort was before us again.

And then he was gone, taking Bellatrix with him. But not before the others arrived. Not before Fudge saw, and the Aurors.

The shield went down and Sirius was at Harry's side.

"Are you alright, Harry?" Dumbledore asked, ignoring the sudden audience.

"Yes," Harry answered. "Yeah, I'm– where's Voldemort, where– who are all these people– Sirius?"

Sirius was shaking. He reached one hand out toward his godson, caressed his head.

The Ministry workers were freaking out. "He was there!" I heard one shout. Similar shouts confirmed it. They had seen.

Then came the event we had failed to foresee in our occupation with the Dark Lord.

"It's Sirius Black!"

I looked up in alarm.

"He's with Harry Potter!" someone yelled.

"Ar–arrest him!" Fudge shouted.

"Like _HELL_!" I roared, jumping in the way.

There followed a bickering match between Dumbledore and Fudge– more about Voldemort's return than anything else.

"We can discuss that after I have sent Harry back to Hogwarts."

Fudge sort of sputtered out his arguments, which were pitifully weak when he did get them out.

Dumbledore used one of the blasted bits of stone to make a portkey, sent Harry on ahead, assuring him that he and Sirius would follow.

Fudge didn't like this.

"What's going on here? This man," he said, pointing at Sirius, "should be under arrest!"

"Be reasonable for once in your life, Cornelius!" Dumbledore said. "And before more lives are wasted! Harry was right about Voldemort. He wasn't lying about Sirius either!"

"What? What are you talking about?" Fudge stammered. "You actually believe Pettigrew is _alive_?"

"Peter Pettigrew is the one who brought Voldemort back," explained Dumbledore. "And as Sirius just rushed here out of concern for his godson's life, I suggest you acquit him and allow us to turn to greater matters."

I was still stationed between Sirius and the Aurors, who were all glaring at me. They all knew me, every one. I was probably out of a job.

"But..." Fudge started to sputter again.

"Try and take him," I said menacingly. "I dare you."

"Control yourself, Miss Thrace," said Dumbledore.

But I didn't care. They weren't taking him. Not after I had just narrowly missed losing him. Not after...

_Oh._

Dumbledore moved on quickly. He had promised Harry half an hour. He explained what had happened, why we were there, what Voldemort had been planning. He insisted on being allowed to return to the school, on the wizarding world being made aware of the night's events.

I would gladly have gone back to the battle rather than have endured that discussion.

Meanwhile, Remus had rounded up the injured students and floo-ed them back to Hogwarts.

The Order went about its business, quietly saving lives, while the Ministry griped about the details.

And then we were done. Fudge had to believe now, had to relinquish control. He was even letting Sirius go, probably too terrified to argue the point.

At least he was smart in that respect.

We took another portkey back to Dumbledore's office. Sirius rushed over to Harry, examining him, shaking as he embraced him.

I'd never seen Sirius hug him before...

Harry hugged him back, awkwardly at first.

"For a moment there I thought..." Harry started to say.

"I'm sorry, Harry," was all Sirius could say in response.

"About that," Dumbledore said suddenly, causing everyone to acknowledge him. He was looking at me. "Sirius was supposed to die back there, wasn't he?"

Sirius whirled around. "You _knew_? You knew all this time?"

_Uh, oh._

I quaked, taking a step back. I had done it. I had saved him, but at what cost?

"How did you do it, Kara?" Dumbledore asked, his tone thick with something I couldn't identify.

"I...I don't know," I told him honestly. I looked back at Sirius.

His eyes narrowed. "Did you know about Lily and James too?"

I cowered away from him, my eyes wide. It was all the answer he needed.

"_Why_, Kara?" Sirius accused. "If you knew, why didn't you save them?"

He was so angry. I couldn't bear his anger.

"Be quiet, Sirius," Dumbledore said.

"NO!" Sirius yelled. "No, I trusted her..."

"Sirius!" Dumbledore said sharply. "She couldn't save James and Lily. She shouldn't have been able to save _you_. Now, Miss Thrace, I want to know what you did."

Harry's voice was nearly a whisper as he interjected. "You mean...if she hadn't...he would have...and it would have been all my fault!"

"No, Harry!" Sirius said, turning to him. "This wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known."

But Harry was already too horrified by the fact that he could have gotten his godfather killed.

"I will ask you again, Kara," said Dumbledore. "What did you do?"

All of their eyes were on me now, and, so help me, I was shaking so hard I could barely talk. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. My breath came in gasps. I hoped I would choke.

"Kara," Dumbledore said again.

I couldn't look at Sirius, couldn't meet his gaze and see the accusation there, confirmation of my guilt. I could have saved them. I could have stopped it all...

"I..." I started. "I decided to get in the way."

"What did you think that would do?" Dumbledore asked. I couldn't tell from his tone whether he was angry or not. He just sounded like he needed to know."

"I..." The tears were coming faster now. My entire face was wet, and probably a good deal of the front of my shirt. I thought I would never stop crying. "I thought...I thought maybe they'd accept a trade."

"Thought who'd accept a trade?" said Dumbledore, his brow furrowing.

"Whoever sent me here," I told him. "I thought maybe they'd...take me instead. I thought at the very least...I'd go too."

Dumbledore's face closed, satisfied. When he spoke again, it wasn't directly to me. "Sirius, Kara could not have saved Lily and James."

"I don't under–"

"She could not have saved them," Dumbledore continued, "because she is under a charm, a charm which prevents her from sharing her knowledge or affecting any of the events she knows of."

"Then why...?" It was Harry that asked the question this time.

"As you well know, Harry," said Dumbledore, "magic has certain weaknesses. Even the Killing Curse can be stopped. Kara was able to save you, Sirius, because she loves you. She loves you, probably more than she has ever loved another human being. And it took that love, that willingness to sacrifice, to force her to such desperation as to even consider what she did tonight. Am I correct, Miss Thrace?"

It didn't matter anymore. My heart was laid bare on the floor, shredded. Looking only at Dumbledore, I nodded.

He sighed. "Miss Thrace, you are injured, and you have been through quite an ordeal. I have to speak to Harry now, and I am sure he would like Sirius to be with him. Go back to Grimmauld Place. I will send Sirius along when we are done."

Back...to Grimmauld Place. To face him alone. To have to look in his eyes and see his hatred.

Gryffindor courage be damned. I was _not_ doing that.

"I think I'll just..." I started to say.

"No," Dumbledore cut me off. "I want you to go back to headquarters and stay there."

I had already disobeyed enough for one evening. I didn't need Dumbledore's wrath on me too. Reluctantly, I nodded, then stepped to the fireplace.

"Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place!" I shouted, my voice surprisingly steady as I released the green powder.

Once I was back, feeling ages older than when I'd left, I lost it completely. I collapsed in a heap on the kitchen floor, and my sobs wracked through the house, a ghostly howl heard only by a few portraits and one deranged house elf.

None of which, by the way, disturbed me.

I have no idea how long I sat there. My lament crowded out all sense of time. I was conscious of nothing but the hard wood beneath me and the fact that the person I cared for most in the world now hated me more than any other creature.

I had saved him and lost him, all at once.

Never, not for one blink of an instant, did I regret it. I would rather have died that night, but I was so relieved I'd saved Sirius. At least Harry still had him. At least he had a chance.

Oh, but why couldn't they have taken me? Why couldn't I go? Why couldn't I fall through that mirror to the unknown beyond. I didn't even care what would have happened to me, whether I would have been reunited with Lily and James or sent back to that strange netherworld with Megan. It didn't matter. Nothing could hurt as much as this.

I heard a whooshing sound behind me, and knew he was back. I got to my feet hurriedly, but only took two steps before he had me. He spun me around, gripped me by my shoulders, and set me, like a child, on the table.

I would have to face him eventually. I looked him in the eye.

But Sirius didn't meet my gaze. He was looking me over, his eyes sweeping over the side of my face where I could feel the blood crusting over.

"Stay," he said, and crossed the room to the little cabinet we kept for emergencies. He returned a moment later with a bowl, clean cloths, and some bandages. He set them down on the table, used a spell to fill the basin. Then he dipped one of the cloths in the water and began to wash the blood off my face.

I watched him, amazed, but terrified out of my wits. He went about his business without comment. When he was finished, he lowered his gaze, once more looking me over.

"What broke?" he asked.

I didn't answer.

"I heard something crack," he said.

My tongue was fixed to the roof of my mouth.

Sirius sighed and took first one of my arms, then the other. He felt along them carefully, checking each bone. When his search turned up nothing, he tried my ribs.

I winced as his hands passed over the offended area.

"Shirt off," he said.

I did as I was told, stripping down to my bra. He moved my arm out of the way and examined my side. An ugly bruise had formed, covering a large expanse of skin. Sirius frowned as he looked at it.

"I can't mend this," he said. "I'm going to wrap it up, and then we'll take you to see Madame Pomfrey tomorrow, alright?"

I nodding, not really caring if the bone broke off and punctured my lung in the middle of the night.

He wrapped the bandages around me gently. I put my shirt back on while he put the medical supplies away.

When he was done, he came to stand in front of me again, this time looking me directly in the eye. He leaned forward, hands on either side of my legs, leaning on his knuckles.

"Now," he said, "why did you never tell me you loved me?"

_What?_

I didn't say it aloud. This was not the time for stupid questions. I knew what he'd asked, though my mind couldn't fathom why. Why did that matter now? when he hated me, when he was angry, because I should have saved his best friend, and I hadn't.

I knew the answer, of course. But it was as childish as I felt.

"I was afraid," I told him.

He nodded. "So was I."

Then he straightened up. He placed his hands cautiously on either side of my face, his fingertips brushing at the wisps of hair, at the tears and blood that had not quite dried. Slowly, he leaned forward and tentatively kissed my lips.

The body knows things the mind does not. My brain was spinning frantically, trying to process what was going on, but my body allowed it to happen, took over. It said to my brain, "Relax, I know this dance. I'll take it from here."

It was hesitant at first, the sort of kiss you give when you're not entirely sure what you're doing or what will happen, but as I responded in kind, he began to kiss me harder.

It became the kiss of a starving man, or a man who has thirsted so long for something that he cares for nothing else when he gets it. Sirius' lips played a symphony over mine that would have left the greatest of composers lying in the dirt.

I felt his lips part, and before he could ask for entry, I had parted mine too. When his tongue slid over mine, I had some sort of seizure. My hands gripped the table convulsively as I tried to steady myself. But his hands slid down my back and pulled me off the table to stand in front him.

He continued to kiss me, hungrily now, desperately. He pulled me against him. His hands were moving, running down my sides, slipping along my ribcage...

I cried out in pain.

Sirius pulled away, and I felt stupid.

_Screw pain._

His breathing was funny as he stared down at me. I wanted him back, wanted him bruising my mouth again. I was on fire now, burning on wood stacked up over nearly twenty years.

But I also had to know, had to ask the question that hurt so badly, yet was terribly important.

"Don't you hate me?"

His eyes widened. "Oh, Kara...no. No...I..." He paused, frustrated. "I shouldn't have said that back there. I didn't understand. I didn't know..." He looked at me intently. "It must have been so awful for you."

I was definitely not expecting that, not matter how true it was. The tears were falling again.

He reached up to brush them away. "You tried to warn us, didn't you? You made it clear you never liked Peter. Tried to tell me Remus wasn't the spy."

I nodded. "I tried so hard...It was like being paralyzed. I couldn't tell you, couldn't do anything, couldn't even move when Gideon–"

I choked. Sirius face was contorted, a reflection of my own pain. He pulled me too him, enfolded me in his arms. He was still thin, still...not the same as he was before Azkaban.

He couldn't have been more beautiful to me.

"I can't believe you're not dead," I said.

His chest rumbled against me as he chuckled. He pulled back to look at me before kissing me again. His hands stayed on my face this time, pulling me up to him. I let my hands rest on his waist, drinking my fill of him.

My mind had caught up with my body, and, though it was still hopelessly confused, sat back and declared, "Whatever."

**swiftwings13**: _Sunshine_ was written by Robin McKinley. It's a wonderful book, and I highly, highly recommend it. It's also quite unique. I've never read anything like it.

**Geriana**: This chapter should answer your questions.

**DeluL** Owner of the voice doesn't matter. I tend to think that it was Megan, but it could also be James if you want.

**Morning-Sunset**: Probably. It depends on how detailed you want the resolution to be. I can drag it on a bit, or quick finish it up.

Phew. I can't believe I did all that today. I just got going and...well, the result is before you. But there you go. The Department of Mysteries. The kiss. The revelation.

I should probably sleep now, but I'm so pumped up, and your reviews for the last chapter were all so awesome I'm going to be bouncing waiting to hear what you think of this one. I tried to stick as close to the original story as possible.

Oh, on another note, I've been toying with the idea of a companion piece. Just key scenes from Sirius' POV. Would anyone be interested in that?

Goodnight, friends. My everlasting gratitude goes out to you.


	36. For Things We've Done

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T until further notice.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 35: For Things We've Done And Things We've Left Undone

We did _not_ have sex that night.

How unromantic, I know. Honestly, though, when _your_ ribs are indistinguishable from each other, _you_ can have someone crawl on top of you and tell me how _you_ like it.

I did, however, find myself sleeping in the same bed with him again. This time, I knew that wasn't going to change.

He was still sleeping when I woke, and as I lay there looking at him, it all started to wash over me, the utter _impossibility_ of what I'd done.

I'd saved him. I'd changed things. I latched on hard and refused to let go.

But what if I was wrong? What if he was supposed to die, or, worse still, I'd taken something from him by not letting him pass on?

I studied him as he slept, his face so pale, so wasted despite its better keeping over the past year. He was a shadow of the man I had once known. Wouldn't the greater blessing have been to let him move past it all?

He could have seen James again.

My body, alive in both pain and passion, turned cold at this thought. I missed James too. It was an ache I kept repressed, but, here, swimming in my guilt, I felt it return full force.

_Damned if I do, damned if I don't._

I crawled out of bed, cautiously, so as not to wake him. I tiptoed downstairs to the bathroom closest to my own room, then took care of my morning routine down there.

It felt good to shower, to wash the last of the blood and grime away. It was something I probably should have taken care of the night before, but, uh, I was distracted.

My side was still in a considerable amount of pain. It rose up sharper the more I moved, and my breathing was ragged with it. But I forced myself to ignore it, having greater things to worry about. I had to re-wrap the bandages myself, and they looked sort of bulky under my thin shirt.

The hallway was still quiet when I stepped out into it. My room was only one floor below Sirius', and I could hear clearly the patter of rain high up on the roof.

I descended the long stairs and took down the wards on the front door. Once outside, I stood on the front stoop. People passed, back and forth, going about their daily affairs, but they didn't notice me. I was invisible, still wrapped in the effects of the Fidelius Charm.

I could see all, but was still alone.

I tilted my head back to let the rain fall freely on my face. It tapped on my skin, leaving little spots of sensory life where it landed.

Maybe if I stood there long enough, it would wash my guilt away, would set me free.

There was a creak behind me, and I turned my head to see Sirius standing there, watching me. There was a soft smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He reached out and took me by the hand, hauling me back in.

He led me back up the stairs, to the drawing room. Then he settled me on the couch and sat beside me.

"What's wrong?" he asked without prelude.

How did he always know? I couldn't hide anything from the man. Except for the things I actually _needed_ to tell him. And then only until last night.

My fingers pulled idly at a loose thread on the couch.

"It's nothing," I said.

The smile died from his lips. "Come on, Kara," he said. "No more secrets. I thought we were past all that?"

How do you tell someone you're wondering if it would have been best if they had died?

"Kara." His gaze was intent now. I wasn't getting out of this.

I sighed. "What if...what if I messed things up? Changed something that wasn't supposed to be changed? I mean...don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're alive, more than I could ever tell you, but...Well, what if I took something from you?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Peace," I said. "You wouldn't have had to worry about all this anymore, and...and you would have seen James again."

Old pain flashed across his face, and he was silent for a good while. Finally, he spoke again, thoughtfully.

"You may be right," he said.

_Figures. Serves me right for screwing with J.K. Rowling._

"Although," he continued, "I think I would very much have regretted missing out on this."

And once again he took my face in his hands and pressed his lips to my own, softly at first, warmly.

Sirius was an expert at this, no joke. I was completely helpless when he touched me.

In fact, his kisses did what the rain could not and washed my worry away.

He broke it off, moving just far enough back so that he could see me. My breath was coming out in well-defined gasps.

"Kara," he said. "I rather like to think you don't regret what you did last night."

"I don't!" I said hurriedly. "I was just worried...about you."

"Don't," he said. "I rather like being alive, although, I do admit, there were times..."

This I understood all too well.

"But I want to be here for Harry," he said firmly. "And you."

I smiled at this.

"Can you tell me anything more?" Sirius asked suddenly, curiously. "Is the charm broken?"

I opened my mouth to tell him something insignificant. It wouldn't hurt to start there. I was going to tell him about Harry and Ginny. But my mouth froze as though molded that way.

"Damn it!" I said angrily. I looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry, no. It's not gone. I think it was just for that one time."

"Okay," Sirius said, disappointed.

But what about what would have happened after the Department of Mysteries? Could I tell him what would have been if he had died?

"But maybe..." I gave it a shot. "You know, Harry would have blamed himself."

Okay. So this I could do.

Sirius' forehead knitted together. "I got that last night, but you mean if...?"

I nodded. "It was all pretty much supposed to happen the way it did last night, with Bellatrix and the Cruciatus Curse and all that, only he would have been out for revenge...And then, well, he would have gotten into a huge argument with Dumbledore, about you and the prophecy and all that. I'm assuming some of that happened last night."

"It did," said Sirius. "But without the argument bit. He's really scared."

"You should talk to him," I said. "He needs you. He would've spent next month lying on his back in his room, staring at the ceiling."

Sirius sighed, sinking down into the couch, his head resting on the back. "I never had any idea..."

"What? That he loved you so much?"

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Sirius," I said, shaking my head. "How could you not know?"

He was quiet again before answering. "The only person who ever said they loved me was James."

"I figured," I said.

"Well, and then you," he said. He grinned. "Although you never actually said it."

"Doesn't make it not true," I said.

It was my turn to initiate. I approached him warily, still testing the boundaries of this new aspect of our relationship. My fingers slid into his hair as I kissed him. His hand came up to the back of my head, pulling me closer. He was always pulling me closer, as though we could never be close enough.

I was more hesitating, more unsure, but he was firm and confident, and it gave me courage.

When we broke apart, he was panting slightly, and I was once again trying to ignore the rush of agony to my side.

"Anything else you want to tell me?" he asked.

I bit my lip. This might hurt him, but I really thought he needed to know. "You might also want to tell him you're not mad at him for not being James."

His head shot up. "What?"

"When you said he was less like James than you thought, when you talked to him in the common room fire?" I explained. He nodded, his eyes round, to show he knew what I was talking about. "Well, he took that to heart."

Sirius groaned, letting his head fall back again. "Did he tell you that?"

"No," I admitted. "But I usually have a pretty good idea what's going on in his head."

He looked at me strangely. "You're not going to be able to explain that either, are you?"

I shook my head sadly. There was no way he could ever understand this, and I began to wonder if it wouldn't come between us in the end.

He laughed, startling me. "We're a pair, aren't we? We practically ruin everything we touch, just by being who we are."

I would have been offended if it hadn't been so true.

He suddenly seized my face, forcing me to look at him. "I need you to understand that I will never hold that against you again. I'm sorry for what I said last night. It was thoughtless and cruel. I didn't– I _can't_ grasp what you've been through all these years."

When he kissed me, it almost healed those wounds, mended those scars. Scars have never been important to me. I've never considered them a blight or a blemish. They're just marks, details. They tell a story. The more you have, the more you've been through. Scars are a testament to your ability to endure.

But when Sirius kissed me, when I didn't _loose _control but _gave_ it over, those pieces of me that had been cruelly ripped out were restored, or rather replaced with something better.

I don't believe in fairy tales. I don't believe in happy endings. But I do believe that sometimes things are_ right_, and no matter how much you have to work at them, they can be inexpressibly worth having.

My body was complaining again, and I pulled out of the kiss to press a shaking hand to my ribs.

"We need to get you to Madame Pomfrey," said Sirius. "Or maybe Saint Mungos."

I shook my head. "Madame Pomfrey. You wouldn't make it two steps in St. Mungos. We don't know if they've put out the word about your innocence yet."

"Hogwarts it is," Sirius said, moving me off of him so he could stand up. I got up as well, and together we walked back out into the real world

**Escapader**: I haven't decided yet, partly because I'm not sure I can pull it off. If I do, however, you are under no obligation to read it. :P

**DemonicChick888**: You must share a brain with my brother's girlfriend, who has also declared I need a holiday. July 7th it is!

**Lady Black**: My brother was Pharaoh when my old highschool did it back in March. It was one of the worst productions I've ever seen, but he was hilarious.

**Siry Pop**: See, I told you all to trust me about the kiss.

**blueglass25**: I have a few more chapters that comprise the resolution, and I might talk briefly about what happened to them during/after the war, but it all depends. How much detail do you want? I don't want to weigh down the story, because the Department of Mysteries really was the climax.

**Rachel**: See above note. What do you think?

**AudioAesthetic**: I consider you one of my tougher reviewers, probably because you always tell me what you were afraid I was going to do. :P So, when you say you like it, I take it to heart. Thank you.

**Delu**: Yeah, she's not going to be able to change anything else. Which is part of the reason I don't want to drop it here. I want her there when Moony dies.

**Phyre's child13**: I cried so much, you don't even know. And I'm not a crier. Actually, I almost cried when I was writing the chapter too. It freaked me out a little.

**KingKhan**: wtf? This story it not complete yet.

So it sounds like most people are on board for a companion piece. Hmm. I'll have to give this some thought. I probably wouldn't do the whole thing, just certain scenes. Any particular requests? Also, would anyone happen to have an idea for a title? I'm a little lost on that.

I was curious about a few things...Did anyone think it would end this way? I tried to build it up without giving anything away, and I'm a little curious as to whether I succeeded or not. Also, did anyone get/understand the part titles?

I can't believe I got 35 favs and 61 alerts for this story. You guys are so amazing, so encouraging. Thank you all.


	37. I Won't Hesitate No More

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Title from the song "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz.

**Rating**: M...ish. Just for this chapter.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 36: I Won't Hesitate No More

Sirius entered the school as a dog, since we decided it wasn't a very good idea to scare the students. The first thing we saw was Harry and Malfoy with their wands pointed at each other, in the middle of a heated argument.

"Potter!"

Snape was there before us.

"What are you doing, Potter?"

Did none of what was going on faze the man? How does someone just go on in their hatred when there are so many bigger things at work?

"I'm trying to decide what curse to use on Malfoy, sir."

_What a polite explanation._

Snape was obviously shocked. He tried to take out his frustration on Gryffindor's House points, but McGonagall showed up before he could do too much damage.

Sirius bounded over to Harry, barking happily. McGonagall shot him a stern look.

"What is _that _doing here?" Snape sneered.

A few students had gathered in the hall in response to the change in House points. Sirius growled at Snape, but the situation was tricky. We didn't know what would happen if he revealed himself, if Fudge had kept his promise, if word had gotten out.

Malfoy's mouth was moving into a very evil smile...

"He's mine!" I shouted, running over. "I'm sorry, Professor. He got away from me."

Malfoy's expression turned sour, and McGonagall was now staring him down, as if she were daring him to say something.

Snape didn't miss a beat. "Taking in the stray now, are we, Thrace?"

There were more implications in that statement than I could count. And all of them were true. Not that this bothered me.

"Eh," I said. "Snuffles is a free spirit, but he's been sticking by me lately."

"Snuffles" nudged at my hand with his nose. It was wet. I snatched my hand aside and wiped it on my pants.

"There a reason you're here, Thrace?" McGonagall asked sharply.

"I actually need to see Madame Pomfrey," I said sheepishly.

"Did you get hurt?" Harry asked, a hint of worry in his voice. I was surprised. We weren't close. Would it really bother him if something happened to me?

"Just a few cracked ribs," I said. "Nothing to worry about."

"Potter, why don't you show Thrace and...Snuffles to the hospital wing," ordered McGonagall. "Mr. Malfoy, don't you have somewhere to be?"

Draco took off, but not without one last loathsome look at Harry. Snape swept away in the direction of the dungeons, and our audience, realizing nothing interesting was going to happen, began to dissipate as well.

Harry was quiet all the way to the hospital wing. I could tell he was itching to talk to Sirius, even though he'd just seen him the night before. I wondered how the conversation in Dumbledore's office had changed, now that there was less anger and guilt involved.

Harry closed the door behind us, then looked carefully across at one of the beds. The woman I supposed to be Umbridge was asleep. Harry nodded to Sirius, and he transformed.

"Harry!" someone called. Across the wing was a small knot of his friends, the ones who had been injured the night before, the night that felt so long ago. He rushed over to meet them, and Sirius followed.

I left them to talk.

Madame Pomfrey was sitting in her office when I walked in.

"Well, I haven't seen you in a while," she said curtly. "Here to see the Potter boy?"

"Not specifically, no," I told her. "I got myself into a bit of a mess last night."

"You and everybody else." Madame Pomfrey sighed. "Honestly, students chasing after Death Eaters!"

"Actually I think it was the Death Eaters who did most of the chasing," I corrected her.

She glared at me. "A miracle none of them were killed."

"Indeed," I said softly.

"Alright, what's wrong with you?" she asked, indicating the examination table set against one wall.

I lifted myself cautiously onto it. The movement hurt.

"I may have broken a rib or two," I explained.

"Hmm. And you couldn't fix that yourself?"

I shook my head. "I find it a little easier to perform spells on other people."

"Very well," Madame Pomfrey said. "Let's see you."

I stripped off my shirt, then waited while she inspected the enormous bruise. It made me look rather deformed.

"Well, you certainly did a good job," Madame Pomfrey stated, going for her wand and a few potions. "Mind telling me why you didn't come here last night?"

"I had other things to attend to," I said.

She raised an eyebrow. I doubted anything would have sufficed as an excuse for my lack of attention to my health. She was a healer, I got that, but in my mind, my physical well-being was way down on my list of priorities.

Didn't matter, though. The bruise was gone almost immediately. The actually repairing of the bones took a little longer and several potions, but then I was fine.

"Don't overexert yourself over the next few days," Madame Pomfrey warned as she packed everything away. "And what's this here?" she asked, tilting my face so she could see the gash that ran along my temple.

"Hit my head," I said. _Duh._

"Someone found time to fix_ that_ up, I see," she said. "Not a bad job either. Who did it?"

"Sirius," I told her.

Her eyebrows shot up. "Black? Dumbledore told me he was innocent. It's supposed to be in the papers today."

"Is it really?" I asked, excited. I jumped down from the table. "Thank you, Madame Pomfrey." I ran back out into the main wing.

Sirius was seated in the midst of the kids, who were giving him a detailed description of Fred and George's last Hogwarts prank. His bark-like laugh rang out through the hall, and I wondered when Madame Pomfrey would come storming out, ordering him away.

McGonagall beat her to it.

"BLACK!" her crisp voice resonated off the walls. "What do you think you're doing? You're going to scare the students! Potter, get him someplace he won't be seen."

Sirius groaned.

"S'alright, Sirius," Harry said, standing up. "We'll use the Room of Requirement."

"Wish we could go," Ron muttered.

I sent him an apologetic smile and we made our way out of the hospital wing. I left them at the Room of Requirement, promising to come back with food from the kitchens. I planned to leave it with them and find something else to occupy myself. When it came to Sirius' relationship with Harry, I felt like an intruder.

I took a round-about route, trying to avoid too much traffic. I wasn't exactly in a people mood. Too much on my mind.

I was so...content. I knew I didn't deserve any of it, that somehow I'd slipped into someone else's good fortune. I didn't even care that I couldn't spend every minute with him, that, now he was cleared and there was a war to fight, we both had other things we would have to do. I'd already been granted more time than I should have.

The relief was the strongest. I'd been on the verge of the unfathomable, and it hadn't come. I'd swam against the tide and managed to bring my anchor in with me. However deadly the occupants of the shore, I wasn't alone in facing them.

And, strange as it sounds, I didn't doubt for an instant he'd always be there with me.

I was so lost in my thoughts, I took a wrong turn. In navigating myself back, I ended up passing Dumbledore's office, just as he was leaving it.

"Ah, Miss Thrace," he exclaimed at the sight of me. "All's well, I hope?"

"It is," I said. "At least, as far as I know."

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. I'm afraid this isn't the end, it's only the beginning, but I am immensely pleased to see you've at least found some measure of happiness."

I frowned. "I don't understand, sir. I mean, why should that be important?"

Dumbledore reflected for a moment, as though he was trying to find a way to explain it to me. "When you are in battle, Miss Thrace," he finally said, "what is it you are fighting for?"

The obvious answer, right and justice and all that jazz, was not the right one, I could tell. So I thought for a moment. When it clicked, it was so simple I couldn't understand why I'd never understood it before.

"My friends," I said. "I fight for the people I care about. Not for justice, or glory, or some high ideal that is much bigger than me. I fight for individual lives."

Dumbledore nodded. "Quite right. Now, if individual lives are worth fighting for, shouldn't individual happiness also be important?"

"What about Harry, sir?" I asked quickly. "Wouldn't he be more happy staying with Sirius?"

"I'm afraid that is one of the circumstances where it is necessary to choose between individual life and happiness," said Dumbledore sadly. "Harry will stay with his aunt and uncle. We discussed it last night."

I nodded, understanding.

"But, with Sirius freed, there is no reason they cannot see more of each other," Dumbledore went on. "I intend to send him to the Weasleys for the latter part of the summer, and Arthur and Molly have extended the invitation to Sirius as well."

_But not to me._

"Although I rather think Sirius will be content to stay at Grimmauld Place now," said Dumbledore. "He now has other obligations to attend to." The look he gave me was full of meaning.

"Thank you, sir," I said, though I'm not sure why, and I set off again, winding my way down to the kitchens.

The excitement took place as we left the school. It was late in the afternoon. Harry was walking with us to the entrance, when a couple of boys I didn't recognize sprinted over to him.

"Harry! Harry, have you heard?" one asked, skidding to a stop in front of us. "Sirius Black has been cleared! They're saying he's innocent."

"Harry, what are you going to do?" asked the other boy. He had an Irish accent, and I assumed he must be Seamus Finnigan.

"Congratulate him," said Harry with a grin, and beside him, Sirius resumed his human form, turned and picked me up, twirling me around.

There were a couple screams, a room full of gasps, but Sirius and Harry's laughter drowned out it all.

"Alright, Mr. Former Convicted Murderer!" I said. "Put me down!"

Sirius obeyed, but kept one arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders. He grinned down at Seamus and the other boy, who I supposed to be Dean Thomas.

"Hi," said Sirius.

We apparated from Hogsmead to a street a few blocks from Grimmauld Place, so Sirius could enjoy the novelty of being able to walk in the open without anyone trying to arrest him. It was odd to amble along like that, with his arms around my shoulders, and mine around his waist. All I could think was how quickly life could turn on you.

"You know it's funny," Sirius said, breaking into my already scattered thoughts. "This past year, all I've wanted was to get out of that house, and now, all day I've been itching to get home again."

My heart sort of jumped, fully aware of what he meant. I was going to play naive though.

"Miss Kreacher that much, do ya?" I asked slyly.

He glared at me. "Hardly."

We'd reached our destination. We ascended the invisible steps. Sirius took down the wards, then replaced them as we stepped inside. We snuck past his mother. Silently, I vowed to find a way to take her down. Maybe I could just paint over her.

We reached the stairs, twisting both up and down.

"Hungry?" Sirius asked.

"Not really," I told him. My heart was now pounding loud enough to wake Mrs. Black. I vaguely remembered Madame Pomfrey's warning about not over-exerting myself, but I didn't care. I had never wanted anything as much as the man in front of me.

"Kara?" he said, hesitating.

For a moment, fear shot through me. What if he didn't want _me_? It may seem silly, after all that had happened, but I wasn't all that young anymore. There were lines on my face, scars on my hands. I was beaten and broken, inside and out, and it was preposterous to assume someone would want the task of putting me back together again.

I met his gaze, knowing he would have no trouble identifying the uncertainty in my eyes. I noted his breathing had changed. It was coming out quicker and more ragged, but only just so. You wouldn't notice if you weren't paying attention.

Like I said, he knew me well, and he knew that I couldn't make the first move.

So he kissed me slowly, carefully. For a moment I hated how we always approached this as something breakable. We were both adults. We knew what we were doing. It's just that...when you've spent so much time building something, when it comes time to use it, you're afraid it'll crumble at the first test.

He pulled away to rest his forehead on mine, and my breathing had now matched the erratic pattern of his own.

"Kara?" he asked again. "Are you...ready?"

I smirked. "I don't know. I'm a little concerned about you."

His forehead knitted together as he stared at me quizzically. "About me?"

"Well," I explained, trying to keep my face straight and failing. "You're an old man now. I'm a little worried about your..._stamina_."

He rolled his eyes, seized me around the waist, no longer gentle, and shoved me up against the wall of the hallway.

When his mouth came down on mine, it was with all the fury that was in him.

This was better. I was tired of holding back, so I gave him everything I had, and maybe more.

_Overexertion, my ass._

I was hardly aware of what my hands were doing. They were in his hair, gripping his shoulders. All I could concentrate on were his lips, and the feel of him pressed up against me.

_His_ hands were moving confidently. One slipped under my shirt, and I felt a new rush of shivers crackle along my spine.

He pressed more firmly against me, supporting me with his entire body, and my body _throbbed_ in response. He changed tactics, his lips shuffling along my jaw-line until they reached my neck, where he lingered for a little while.

We were both panting when he decided to move. We had to break apart for a moment here...and then again...just to make sure we made it up the stairs. There were a lot of stairs. Why did his house have to be so damn_ tall_?

He dropped me carefully on the bed and soon had me pinned beneath him. I shifted my legs, spreading them and folding my knees up to cradle him against me. He was kissing me again, fervently, and by now he had my shirt rolled up to my lower bra line.

At one point, as his hands were wandering downward now, fumbling with my belt buckle, and I was attempting to unbutton his shirt without actually looking at the buttons, he pulled away again. He looked me right in the eye, and I was shocked at the _need_ I saw there.

I had thought it was just me.

Then his mouth covered mine again, and you can pretty much guess how things went from there.

When we were spent, I lay concentrating on deep breaths and wondering how it was possible to feel so connected to another person. For it had been like our bodies already knew each other. Together they made a melody that could not have been sung with any other accompaniment.

"Still worried about my stamina?" he asked, grinning over at me.

"Nope," was all I could say.

He laughed and moved so he could hold me to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, not speaking for a time.

He broke the silence eventually. "We've wasted a lot of time, Kara."

I almost agreed, but I couldn't find it in myself to complain about how things had turned out.

Sirius kissed the top of my head. "What Snape said didn't offend you, did it?"

"He only thought it was offensive," I said. "He doesn't understand. He'll never understand. And I really could care less."

He didn't comment. He didn't need to. "Not tired, I hope?"

"Define 'tired,'" I said. "Because every muscle aches, but I by no means want to go to sleep."

That earned me a quick kiss.

"Me neither," he said. "I feel like I have time to make up for." He shifted so he could look at me properly. "And apparently, thanks to you, I now have that chance."

For another dreadful moment, I recalled what had almost happened. What_ should_ have happened.

_Ah, screw "should." What's free will if we worry about what was supposed to be?_

"What are you going to do now?" I asked.

"Well," Sirius said, "funny you should ask..."

**Escapader**: lol. Thanks for the confidence.

**amrawo**: I've decided they're not having kids. Wedding...we'll see.

**AudioAesthetic**: Silly, everyone knows writers know nothing about grammar. That's why God invented editors. :P j/k Thanks for pointing that out. I'd go back and correct it all, but I'm far too lazy.

**Delu**: Nothing else will change.

**twinfeathersL** I can't believe you just said that!

**fizzibear322**: I almost cried when I was writing it. Which scares me.

**Lady Black**: Eep. No, not the best role. But that is funny. At some point, I'm putting my brother's performance up on YouTube, so the rest of the world can laugh along with me.

**Potter'sPenPal**: lol Calm yourself. In answer to your question, this ending was the plan all along, even from when the story was just beginning to form in my head, and I was back and forth on whether or not to write it. In fact, the only scene I had figured out before the climax sequence was the one where Kara tells off Snape for telling her about Remus being a werewolf.

**ElizaMayCullen**: You'll know when it's the end.

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Actually, that's not bad. Not exact, but good enough. I'm especially impressed with how you define her sense of style. I always thought of her as still considering herself a Muggle from 2008, so she'll dress accordingly, and not so much to be noticed as to be practical, because, well, she fights Death Eaters and works in a bar.

**blueglass25**: I think I agree. I'm trying to figure out a way to summarize it instead of writing it out, which'll mean leaving out a couple of fun scenes, but I don't think it'll kill anything.

Thank you all once again, but I really need title ideas if I'm going to do this companion piece! I'm completely at a loss, and I don't want it to be cheezy.


	38. A Series Of Cliche Events

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T again.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 37: A Series of Cliche Events

"I want my bike back," Sirius complained.

"Too late!" I said. "You gave it to Hagrid fair and square."

We had just apparated to the Weasleys and were strolling down the short path from their front gate. The Burrow looked like an odd collection of different parts of different kinds of houses thrown together, and the rubble that littered their front yard only enhanced that effect.

"I didn't think I'd need it anymore!" Sirius argued. "I put a lot of good spellwork into that bike, you know."

I reached up to kiss him quickly. "You'll just have to start over with a new one. Or you could get a Muggle car. I could teach you how to drive it." I grinned mischievously. "That way you'd be legal."

"No, thank you," he said. "I'll take my chances with the Muggle police."

We had arrived at the Weasleys' front door. Sirius knocked lightly.

"Who is it?" called a frantic voice.

"It's just us, Molly," said Sirius almost irritably. "You were expecting us, remember?"

The door opened to reveal Molly, looking a bit flustered.. "I'm sorry. I'm just a bit jumpy is all."

"Molly!" came a shout, and Arthur appeared behind her. "Did you even check to make sure they are who they say they are?"

I rolled my eyes. This routine, while in some ways important, was getting old.

"Arthur, I don't have a question for them," said Molly, looking worried.

Behind them, Remus stood up.

"Hello, Moony," Sirius said. "Think you could let us in?"

Remus cleared his throat, looked at Arthur and Molly. "May I?"

They moved aside, and Remus stepped up to the door. I expected him to ask Sirius the question, but it was me he turned to.

"What does ammortentia smell like to you?" he asked calmly.

"The ocean, the air after it rains, a library, and...well, you know," I replied.

Remus moved aside to let us in. "It's them," he told the Weasleys.

"Shouldn't we question Sirius too?" Arthur asked as we passed him.

"Jasmine," said Sirius before anyone could say anything.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Still?"

"Well, I haven't checked lately," said Sirius, "but I imagine so."

"Happy birthday, Harry!" I said lightly as I spotted him sitting near the end of the Weasleys' long kitchen table. Ron and Hermione were beside him. Ginny stood behind them, working at the sink on some task her mother had no doubt assigned her. Beside her, a young woman leaned against the counter, a woman who was probably more beautiful than anyone I had ever seen. Bill stood with his arm around her. Mad-Eye was also seated at the table.

I gave him a nod as I passed, moving to sit by Harry. "Moody."

"Thrace," he said, inclining his head.

"Black," said Sirius.

I watched as Harry leaned back and folded his hands behind his head, grinning. He was enjoying this.

Remus sat down next to me with a small sigh. "Are you trying to be cheeky, Sirius?"

"Not at all," said Sirius. "I just think if he insists on calling her by her surname, he should at least get it right."

The room went still as everyone tried to process exactly what he had said. Molly stood at the stove with a wooden spoon suspended above a pot, and Remus had turned to stare at me in shock.

Apparently Harry got tired of the lack of reaction, because he leaned across the table toward me and asked, "Can I see it?"

I held out my left hand so he could see the slender silver band that encircled the third finger.

Harry frowned up at Sirius. "It's not very impressive."

Sirius scowled. "She didn't want anything showy."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, something big and bright that catches the eye, perfect for when I'm fighting Death Eaters."

I noted Mad-Eye gave a little impressed nod as I said this, but he didn't say anything.

"You..." Molly was trying to say. "You got..."

"You actually talked _him_ into getting married?" Remus asked, jerking his thumb incredulously at Sirius.

"It was his idea!" I said.

"When did this happen?" Remus demanded.

Sirius came over to sit on my other side. "This morning."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. There was really no way to explain that. It just hadn't seemed reasonable to involve everyone, to pull them away from all the other things they had to do.

"Well, congratulations!" Arthur exclaimed, and that seemed to snap everyone out of their astonishment. A chorus of well-wishing followed, and one complaint from Fleur, who seemed to think it indecent to hold a wedding and not have anyone attend.

Ron was the only one looking sour.

"What's your problem?" Hermione asked. "You should be happy for them!"

"Says you!" said Ron. "I just lost a bet with Fred and George!"

Sirius howled with laughter.

"You what?" shrilled Molly.

Ron realized his mistake and promptly shut his mouth. It was probably too late for him, but the party would temporarily delay any questions about his gambling.

Harry had been the only one in on the plan, which Sirius had informed him of a week before. We had apparated to the little church in Godric's Hollow for a very quick ceremony, then, to complete our trip, payed a visit to the little churchyard there. It seemed right that Lily and James should still, in some way, be witnesses.

Of course, the real reason we were gathered that day was to celebrate Harry's birthday, and the celebrating soon turned back to that event. I was fine with this. I had not wanted a big deal made out of my wedding. As far as I was concerned, it was the actual _marriage_ that was more important.

Remus pulled me aside later in the evening, and we walked out into the garden together.

"What happened?" he asked. "When did...?"

"Right after the Department of Mysteries," I told him quietly. I didn't really like to talk about that night. I would always think back in horror on what _might_ have happened, only to be sharply reminded of the strangeness of what _had_ happened. I had stopped questioning it, had stowed the images and knowledge that had once dominated my view of the world deep in the back of my brain.

Remus shook his head. "I can't believe it– not that you– don't take that the wrong way. It's just that Sirius actually got married. You said it was his idea?"

I nodded. "He told me he wanted to be a good example for Harry, and that...and that he didn't want anyone else."

Remus broke out into a smile. It enhanced the lines in his face, made him look older. He hugged me with one arm and leaned across to plant a soft kiss on my temple. "He's gotten smarter. I'm very happy for you, Tumnus."

"That's 'Mrs. Greek God' now," I told him loftily. "And don't you forget it."

Remus laughed and guided me back into the warm kitchen, where all our friends were gathered. No– they were more than friends. In a strange way, we were all connected, all family. The Order was like the Burrow, I decided, with the Weasleys at its center, it pulled in all the rest of us misfits.

**Leent**: No more changes. I think this story is pretty much told, the rest you know. I have few ideas for scenes but I feel like trying to make them fit would just drag this fic out.

**JenCarpeDiem**: I've been yelled at for writing it the other way too. I can't win!

**Rushingriver**: lol No, although I think Sirius will make her cut back to part-time.

The next chapter will very likely be the last, just to warn you all. So, last chance to ask questions. If you have any after that, I'll have to PM you. Thank you all so much for reading! If you haven't reviewed, please tell me what you think.


	39. Clever, Energetic Men

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.)

**Rating**: T again.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 38: Clever, Energetic Men

"Here," I said, handing Sirius a mug. "Drink this."

He looked at the cup dubiously. "What is it?"

"Irish coffee," I said. I took the seat kiddy-corner to his. "It's got kick."

He took a sip. "Is there actually coffee in here?"

"Eh...Maybe about a third of it is coffee."

We drank in silence for a while. The quiet had a bit of a ominous quality to it, though it wasn't as if we were waiting for anything, merely acknowledging the fact that all we could do was wait.

"I'm going after him," Sirius said after a bit.

I was expecting this. I set down my cup, looked at him calmly. "No, you're not."

He met my gaze steadily. "I have to. I can't let him do this alone."

"I promised him I would keep you here," I told him.

Sirius just shook his head. "I can't let him go off on his own like this. It's not right."

"I agree," I admitted softly.

Sirius banged his fist on the table in frustration. I let him, knowing there was nothing I could do. He felt helpless.

He sighed and rested his forehead on his hands. "He won't even tell me what he's doing."

"Dumbledore didn't want you to know," I said.

"You know," Sirius said.

"Yes, I do know. And I'm not worried for him."

"That's because you know what's going to happen." Sirius sighed again and leaned back in his chair. I gave him a look, hoping he'd understand. His eyes widened. "You're not worried...because you already know..."

I sat back. "There you go."

"Alright," Sirius said. "Alright. I suppose I should just take that on faith then?"

I shrugged. "Not that simple, I'm guessing."

"No, it isn't."

"Well," I said, "you're basically his parent. I think that's how it works. But you've been saying for two years now that he's not a child. Now's the time to put that to the test. Harry can take of himself, _has_ to take care of himself. And it'll be a lot easier for him to do so if he doesn't have to worry about his godfather doing something stupid."

Sirius glared at me. "So you told him you'd lock me in the house again, did you?"

"Not exactly." I looked around at the small kitchen. Its wide windows were dark, but I could hear the rush of the wind behind them and, a bit fainter, the crash of the waves on the rocks. "This isn't Grimmauld Place, so I'm hoping it won't be as bad as last time. I promised him I'd keep you safe, and that's what I intend to do. At all costs."

"I can't just let him run around out there risking his life!" Sirius exclaimed. "I have to help, to do _something_!"

I laughed. "You're both so alike, you know that?"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

I reached for the bottle of whiskey– Muggle whiskey– and refilled his mug. I didn't worry about the illusion of coffee this time. "Both of you will run to the ends of the earth for any of your friends, but you're dead set against them taking the same risks."

He took a long swallow before responding. "I can't do it, Kara. I can't just sit here. I'm not built like that."

"I know you're not," I said.

"Why are you so calm?" Sirius asked. "Is it all really that rosy from here on out?"

I sighed. "No. No, I'm afraid it's not. In fact it's going to get very ugly before the end." I thought of Remus, my truest of friends, and how little time we had left together. I made a mental note to invite him for dinner soon, regardless of the risk. I looked at Sirius. "But what I feared to loose the most is still here."

Sirius' expression changed abruptly. He reached across the table, taking my hand. His fingers played softly against my rough and scarred skin.

I went on. "If all I can do in this war is preserve your life, then I am going to fight for you with every fiber of my being."

He stood up from his seat, pulled me with him into an embrace. "I'm sorry. I forget sometimes."

"It's alright. Just don't make it harder for me by being rash."

He chuckled. "I'll try not to. But would you still love me if I wasn't like this?"

"Of course not." I smiled up at him.

"Did Harry tell you what he was doing?"

My smile faded. "He didn't have to. And don't ask me, because I can't tell you."

"Alright." Sirius pulled me close again. "I suppose I'll have to trust you...and Dumbledore."

"And Harry," I said.

**AudioAesthetic**: You're probably right. My thinking was that it'd be hard to have Harry there, because of all the extra security needed wherever he goes. (Remember Bill and Fleur's wedding was at the Weasleys, and he was in disguise.) So I figured it wouldn't really be fair to have it and not invite him, so I settled for him being the only person who knew about it. If I do the companion piece I intend to include Sirius telling him about the whole thing. Should be fun. :)

**amrawo**: If I don't end it it's going to start sucking.

**JenCarpeDiem**: Hey, it's all good. :)

**Forgive-Me-Severus**: Sorry, but yes. But thank you. I'm glad you liked it so much.

**EMC**: Hey, he grew up. And he's trying to be a good example to Harry. And I think he's just dead set that this is what he wants. Wish I was that decisive...

Okay, so I lied. This isn't the last chapter. The next one it. I was going to jump straight there, but I felt like something was missing and I realized it was this conversation. So, there ya go. My treat for you all.

Thank you for reading!


	40. Over Jordan

**The Reader**

**Disclaimer**: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the _Wizard of Oz_, _Battlestar Galactica_, _Sunshine_, _The Lord of the Rings,_ or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Title from "I Am A Poor Wayfaring Stranger."

**Rating**: T again.

**Summary**: See prologue.

Chapter 39: Over Jordan

I've said before that I don't believe in happy endings. That's true, because, no matter what the victory, there are still casualties. There is still loss, still a sense that some things can never be made right.

I sat in the Weasleys' kitchen again, my customary cup of tea before me, untouched. The Burrow was uncharacteristically quiet. Its residents had retreated to another room to grieve as a family. Sirius and I were not a part of this mourning. We had our own to do.

I continued to stare at my mug. I didn't want the liquid inside. For once, I wanted to _feel_, wanted to drown in the hollow awfulness of it. It was grief never-ending. Nothing could fix the piece of me that had been broken, plug up the hole that had been left behind when my dearest and oldest of friends had passed from this world.

Sirius sat beside me, dressed to match his name. One of his long arms hung over the back of my chair, not quite touching me. I needed him to touch me, needed to feel the warmth of another human being beside me, but I didn't dare ask.

But he knew me so well, he pulled my chair as close to his as it would get, then pulled me back against his chest, his arm tightening, securing me.

It was two days after the final battle, and I still couldn't stop crying. The tears came afresh now, having abated while in the presence of others. I let them fall unhindered.

After a while, I noticed it wasn't just me. Sirius' chest was shaking against my back. I stretched one arm up behind me to touch his face, assure him that I was there for him as he was for me. His cheek was wet beneath my fingers, and he held my hand there with his own.

There was a soft knock at the door. Sirius helped me sit upright, planted a soft kiss on my salty cheek before rising to answer it.

"Andromeda," I heard him say. There was little emotion in the word, and I remembered that these two had the doubled suffering of losing Tonks too. I hadn't known her that well...

Andromeda had Teddy with her. I rose to go to take him from her, letting Sirius hug his cousin, giving them a moment to themselves.

There was something comforting about holding Remus' son in my arms. I rocked him back and forth gently, knowing he was blissfully unconscious of what he had lost.

"I knew your father," I whispered to him, sniffing. "He was a great man. You'll never know him, because he died to make you a better world."

"So you know about that too."

I looked up to see Harry standing in the doorway. His face was pained, stretched into an unnatural expression.

I heard Andromeda say she was going to pay her respects to the Weasleys. Sirius came over to join Harry and I. His arm slipped around my waste.

"I thought we'd lost you too, Harry," Sirius said quietly. "I thought...And then I saw Kara's face, and I knew it couldn't be true."

I clutched Teddy tighter to me. I had felt victorious in that moment, standing there in the midst of chaos, while everyone around me believed the battle lost. Now I just felt empty.

"It doesn't seem fair," said Harry. "Everyone died...for what? Couldn't there have been some better way? It just doesn't feel right that I'm still alive, when everyone else..."

I nodded. It didn't seem fair to me either. I didn't deserve what I had been given.

But that wasn't the point, was it?

"It has nothing to do with being fair, or deserving," I said. "Voldemort never deserved to live. Your parents never deserved to die. We all make our decisions. If we're lucky enough, our friends make decisions that are to our benefit. That's their gift to us. We just have to make the most of it."

Sirius' arm tightened around me. Harry nodded his understanding.

"Remus said that to me once. He said my parents had given their lives for me, and I shouldn't gamble away their sacrifice...They...they said they were proud of me."

"When?" Sirius' breath came out in a rush.

"I saw them just before I went to meet Voldemort," Harry explained. "Dumbledore left me the resurrection stone. It's a long story."

The silence fell again, but it was less thick. I wondered what this new life would be like, one that didn't involve battles and dread. One that involved weddings and children named after heros.

"What do we do now?" Harry asked woefully.

"Now," I said, looking down at Teddy once more, "we live in this better world they've made for us."

It was nearly unbearable that one generation should have to sacrifice its entire future for another, but that's what they had done. Dumbledore was right. You don't fight for those lofty dreams and noble virtues that comprise "the good side." You fight for the people you care about, for_ their_ lives.

And you take comfort in the promise that it's not the end. There is hope even in sacrifice. There is hope _because_ of sacrifice.

In a small English town called Godric's Hollow, in a tiny churchyard, there is a joint tombstone that boldly proclaims the truth for anyone with enough faith in them to listen:

_The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death._

In the words of Bilbo Baggins, "I regret to announce that this is the end." I'm done for real now, but I really want to thank all of you before I go. You've made writing this such a pleasure. I've looked forward to each and every one of your reviews. I'm actually rather sad to be done, but I hope, if I can work up the guts, to get going on that companion piece, which still needs a title, darn it! PM me or watch my profile for more info on that. Thank you all so much! "I bid you all a very fond farewell. Goodbye!"


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